to think some retired people forget how busy working life is?

[HazelMember]

My elderly uncle lives on the same road as me, so I visit regularly, do shopping for him and help with bits of care (he also has carers). He’s always telling me to stop rushing around, sit down and have a good tea and chat session for a couple of hours. I’d love to but I work, have DC and a household of my own to run.

My DM always argues with me when I say I’m busy and says retired people are just as busy as working people. Some might be, I agree.

One of my other elderly neighbours recently said she’s “just as busy as me” because she has two appointments next week: the doctor and the hairdresser.

AIBU to feel like some retired people forget what full-time work + parenting + life admin actually involves?

Note I said SOME not all.

What a horrible post.
I see we are going down the road yet again that today's working parents have a harder time than any others before them and no one has ever been as busy/exhaused/stressed as they are.

I think the big difference is often that being busy in retirement is often “voluntary” in that the things you’re doing are the things you choose to do, when you’re working/younger it’s work, parenting (I’m aware having children is voluntary but I mean once they’re born) etc. You can’t just not go to work one day but you can not go to something you do in retirement.

No I wouldn’t do that! All I meant is that I know what it’s like to be busy and work full time with a young family. Every generation thinks their parents had it easier, they didn’t.

What I get from parents asking their DC to spend time with them is that they might be a bit lonely, which is the downside of not being fully occupied.

YANB
Obviously they are not as busy. But people are funny about this. Try not to take it personally. They won't be able to relate to you so just let it go. I find that people think they are busy no matter how easy/smooth/calm their lives are. It's all relative. I have a wonderful friend who works part time, only one child, married but thinks they don't have a minute to spare. I listen to them, nod, and know that they feel they are at their busy capacity. It's such a subjective topic, a bit like the threads about what equates to someone being wealthy.

Personally, I think it's quite sweet that someone would like to tell you to sit down and have a cuppa. You have people who care about you, and want to spend time with you.

My mum is ALWAYS banging on about how busy she is and how stressful everything is.
What she doesn't realise or appreciate is that;

1. She doesn't even get out of bed until gone 9:30am every day. Once when she was going on Holiday, she kept saying how she simply must get to bed early as she had to be up "very early" the next day - this "very early" turned out to be 8am.
2. She spends ages faffing around doing everything, if she was more efficient, she's have double the time.
3. Absolutely everything she does, and I mean literally 99% of everything she does, is completely and utterly optional. Her hobbies take up all of her time. She will, however, act like going to her allotment and tending to her roses all day is such a stressful responsibility on par with having to look after children or elderly relatives, or having to earn a living, when she could just not have an allotment.

They don't mean any harm most of the time. But they don't get it.

I’ve dropped a day a week now that I’m 58 and my 26 year old DD now regards it as a ferry her to appointments day. So I would actually love to have my well earned day off on my new hobby but the elderly are not the only ones who think people have all the time in the world to spend with them. Clearly the younger generation do too!

Hahaha 100%! I work full time, have 2 children under 3 and lm studying part time. My long retired mother (who was part time for a million years!) is consistently confused about why l haven’t read this / seen that at the cinema / re-decorated our house in the couple of years we have owned it 🙄. Errr because l have little time and little time to myself

Whats horrible about not skiving off work to do their Dad’s bidding all the time? The dad sounds rude and disrespectful

So to my mind, busy is relative to the energy you have. When you’re younger, you have more energy to give. As you get older, you have less energy so you can feel and be just as busy while objectively doing less.

Everyone who has young children goes through massively busy periods of time.

But each successive generation think they are busier and have it worse than the last!

I think it’s swings and roundabouts though.

In my day there was zero chance of working from home because we didn’t have computers. I was in work five days a week leaving before 7.15 am in the morning and returning home around 7.30 pm at night.

If you had a work deadline there was no chance of finishing it off at the weekend and sending it in an e-mail attachment from home. You physically had to stay late in the office until you had finished writing, typing and photocopying it and walking it to your colleague’s in-tray.

There was very little work flexibility.

We also had a strict dress code of skirts, tights, polished shoes with a heel and ironed blouses, which needed laundering, there was no wearing of comfortable ordinary clothing to work.

There were fewer food outlets so you tended to make your own lunch.

There weren’t breakfast clubs or after school clubs, or any wraparound care, so you had to swap favours with friends and neighbours or grandparents or aunts helped out. Very few of us had cars. I used to get home just in time to read my dds stories in bed.

No on-line shopping either so every item of food, anything for the house like towels and bed linen, all school uniform and children’s shoes, all clothing in fact, and all book, and school stationery and toy purchases involved a separate visit to the shops, So that was your Saturday taken care of!

We didn’t have a dishwasher for a while. There wasn’t convenience food, microwaves or ready meals. We certainly didn’t have a tumble dryer or robot vacuum cleaners!

There weren’t many child centred places to visit at weekends except the zoo or the seaside so you made your own entertainment.

I’m not saying the pace of life isn’t faster today because it is but we worked just as hard I think.

To those saying each generation always thinks they have it worse - I don’t think I am busier now than my parents and in-laws were at this stage of life. They were busy when they were working with small children. But they all still do the ‘we’re so busy’ in retirement thing, when they’re referring to having one or two appointments in a week or doing a hobby a couple of days.

They also do the ‘we had such an early start’ thing if they get up before 8am and the ‘we’re very tired’ thing if they don’t get 9 hours’ sleep. Which is quite annoying when you have a baby that’s up every two hours and a toddler that wakes at 6am!

It’s all just relative, but there’s a bit of know your audience.

And regarding the lower energy levels thing - my parents and in-laws are all in their early 60s, they aren’t old!

You have less energy in your 60s than your 30s - obviously! It’s called the ageing process!

I actually agree with not letting your parents' wants overwhelm you. I have to keep my own mum at bay.
But name calling does not make anyone sound strident and confident as tgey think it does. It makes them sound unpleasant and childish.
As soon as she called her dad Boomer in such an unpleasant way, she lost my sympathy.

YANBU.

See also my elderly mum thinking office jobs are a walk in the park compared to more physical work. She still acts surprised when she calls me
and I’m in the office.

Her comment was in response to his behaviour though. She’s not saying it about all boomers.

@Swirlingcapes222 I agree with you. Posters saying that younger generations have it harder just sound petulant. ‘Parenting’ teens is probably more difficult now with phones and social media but managing a home must be easier.

I think the more pertinent point is that some retired parents often don’t seem to remember this busyness and feel that their needs should be a l priority for their DC.

They kind of want their sacrifices paid for, my own DM is like this

And regarding the lower energy levels thing - my parents and in-laws are all in their early 60s, they aren’t old!

No sixties aren’t old but it isn’t forty either when I was at the peak of my energy and stamina.

I can’t take HRT and you’d be surprised at how energy levels fall post menopause and your resilience to stress.

Honestly, I really detest this casual dismissal of previous generations that we see nowadays on sm.

Why should us sixty year olds be as busy as you twenty, thirty and forty year olds who have young families? We have already done our time raising dc!

I tell you what though, many of us are still working full-time, and running a full house
because our adult children have moved back in after university, and we are looking after elderly parents, or possibly doing child-care for adult children. Some of my friends have never been busier. You see how you like it when you get to sixty!

I’m getting a little tired of the superior “we are the only ones who have known hardship” shtick! Us sixty year olds may not have the same energy levels as we once did but at least we learned respect for our parents and appreciated everything they did for us. .

You were adamant about the spiteful ageism but no examples.

Sigh.

Yes I agree that respect goes both ways. My dh and I try and support our adult dc as best we can, and wouldn’t dream of making demands of them, especially during their working day. We do remember how full on family life is.

I think when you are older you should step back a bit out of the limelight and realise that it’s your adult children’s time now and you fit in around them, Whoever is raising young dc gets priority in our family.

Nobody is disagreeing with this and it is fine. I am regularly told by someone who is retired and now has an over 60s travel card that I need to leave the car at home and use public transport and that it only takes an hour to get to certain places. I would get to see so much if I started getting public transport all the time. I don't have the luxury of time to be getting the bus with work, DC and caring responsibilities.

So much everyday ageism on MN. No Im not as busy as I was when I worked full time as a teacher, had 4 children at home and all the life admin to do with no smart phones, computers etc. But my day is full and I do have health issues to deal with and the rest of the joys of ageing. Gardening and meeting friends is not as demanding as a full time on but I do school pick ups and looking after little ones for two or three days a week and I’m on call for kids inset days and days in the holidays etc. So I do have to pace myself and do things more slowly than I did when I was younger. Fortunately, my DC are grateful for what we do and are considerate if we let them know we’re unavailable. Those making nasty assumptions about older people will be old one day and will have to slow down. Hope your children don’t completely disregard your life.

I think when you are older you should step back a bit out of the limelight and realise that it’s your adult children’s time now and you fit in around them, Whoever is raising young dc gets priority in our family.

I agree with this. It is very hard to visit my DM as she is not available a lot of the time when I try and visit. She has no hobbies, friends and does not work. But if she is doing laundry then no one can visit that day as she is so busy. If she has an appointment in the morning, I can't visit that day due to being busy. She gets driven to any appointments by my sister.

What are the nasty assumptions? Some of the older people in my life are saying these things themselves. Do they not their own minds?

People can slow down all they want. No worries but do not tell me to start getting the bus everywhere because it is better for the environment when the retired person in question only started doing this once they retired and got free travel.

I don't disregard older family members and people. I just don't appreciate being told that they are as busy as me because they have two appointments a week when I work, have DC and caring responsibilities.

Boundaries, boundaries. Why are you looking for validation about how you are living from people who clearly can’t give it. Just close the topic, think of someone you know who doesn’t end up in these types of conversations and do what they do. Loads of people spend their times focussed on giving comfort to others who have no care at all for the comfort of the person giving their energy to comfort them. It is a tale as old as time. Some people are skilled at taking comfort others at giving comfort.

Love being a late boomer; detest the pejorative ageism on MNet.

There were ups and downs and advantages and disadvantages.

However, at 65, I still work three days a week (c30 hours); DH at 64 still full-time.

We have adult DC whontend to asknus for help and advice rather than vice versa.

Whilst I had seven years off as a SAHM I have nonetheless worked for 38 years, juggling and managing and never dropping the balls. Now, some of my time is spent helping my 89 year old mother.

Oh, yes us late boomers are parasites, idle, and don't know which side our bread was buttered.