to think some retired people forget how busy working life is?

[HazelMember]

My elderly uncle lives on the same road as me, so I visit regularly, do shopping for him and help with bits of care (he also has carers). He’s always telling me to stop rushing around, sit down and have a good tea and chat session for a couple of hours. I’d love to but I work, have DC and a household of my own to run.

My DM always argues with me when I say I’m busy and says retired people are just as busy as working people. Some might be, I agree.

One of my other elderly neighbours recently said she’s “just as busy as me” because she has two appointments next week: the doctor and the hairdresser.

AIBU to feel like some retired people forget what full-time work + parenting + life admin actually involves?

Note I said SOME not all.

Totally get this. An acquaintance is always soooooo busy. She has two children the same age as mine. I work 37.5 hours a week she does not. She has a cleaner and a gardener. She is very fit and well. She is constantly telling me how busy she is and it makes me want to punch her in the busy face 😂 she was so busy she didn’t have time to pack for her 2 week all inclusive carribean holiday and was super stressed. Piss right off.

Those events literally took up the morning. I was staggered. I was frantic with work, and also arranging play dates, moving swim lessons, testing my partner bits for the shop, doing online banking, losing my mind!! My dad is saying he doesn't think he'll make it to hot yoga because the window cleaner is at the top of the street and he'll need paying. Fml. This is a message I wrote a bit later:
"They're a fascinating generation. Like, the only time and place in the human race, where we can see the answer to 'what do huge swathes of a population do when they have ample time, cash and good health?' played out in front of us. I hope people are studying this unique moment. It won't happen again. 🐾🐾"

I stand by that. Those late baby boomers may be the last generation to have it so good. They know it, my particular baby boomer relatives, so at least there's that.

I also think we (generation x/millennials) are a busier set of people. The digital world has made everything faster and more frenetic.

I would also add to that people who don't have children or have older children who have moved out. I have kids and have a friend who can't fathom that i have a million more things to do than they do and I don't need to research or plan how to fill the time next weekend.

People usually retire when they’re older and operate at a slower pace. Some of it is not being able to maintain a faster pace, some of it is filling the time.

I think I could be busier, but I’ve done my years and earned a rest.

You absolutely have earnt it. And you should fully enjoy it. But please don’t tell the stressed out full time workers trying to juggle children and careers how busy you are 😜😜😜💕 (said jokey and not aimed at you). Enjoy your retirement.

It's not just retirees. People look at life through their own situation as a yardstick. When I was SAHM I feared returning to work for these reasons as I'd always worked.

But, DM was a lifelong SAHM & from the hands off parenting gen. She's thought being busy was the gym at 5am & then having to weed the garden, and turn the tv off at 5pm to make dinner. She tells me to deep clean 'one area each week', go to this shop/cafe, try this hobby, etc. I've taken to relaying my schedule and asking her when she'd like me to do these things.

FIL, who retired 10 years ago, calls DH while he's at work, constantly, wants him to go to doctor's appointments with him (often that day), fix something, pick something up, ask advice etc. There's zero consideration for work, or that he might need his sick or holiday leave or weekends for his DC or me.

Its not just retired people... I had 3 weeks off over christmas and would pat myself on the back just for mopping AND hoovering in the same day 😂

You slow down and you make the jobs fit the day I find.

YANBU My DM completely forgets what it’s like to be busy

She talks a lot about how busy and stressful her life was but she doesn’t seem to equate that with my life at all.

I guess they just forget

100% OP, my friends and I who are all working full time or most of full time and have small children as well are always joking about the ‘retired busy’ of their parents. Things like ‘we have a busy week next week - we’ve got a food delivery Monday, dentist Tuesday and bowls Thursday’ 😅

As I said a while ago, some of us are 70 and still juggling multiple roles! I am not complaining BTW but I shall be 80+ before my only DC mentions a grandchild. I can't imagine worrying about parents who are roughly my age. Honestly ladies, they (your parents) are still perfectly capable; they'd just like to see more of you. Which is possibly an ask too far given the demands on your time.

Yup. A family member told me she was "similarly busy" to me as she had a lashes appointment. I have a busy NHS clinical job and a toddler.

She is retired, financially well off, no ill health etc.

Yanbu but as you getting older it takes longer to do things and one task can wear you out.

At 81 Im well past normal retirement age. However despite mobilityproblems I run online shops selling vintage and also do private tutoring. I get bored sitting about watching TV.

I can sometimes feel a bit angry towards my parents' generation. Our experiences are genuinely so different and I really feel my generation is more pressured. I mean that in terms of work itself being harder and faster, but also, politically and societally, it's a more stressful time to be a worker with children.

YANBU. When I was working from my parents' house after my mum's hip replacement (dad more elderly and not able to look after himself let alone both of them), realised how divorced my mum had become from what a working day looks like. At one point after about two hours of care since I had arrived that morning I said I had to get to my laptop and said "oh, do you have some [miming typing] to do?'

Yanbu, my retired mother has zero clue or respect for boundaries in this regard

yes I can’t wait, only 3 years left of busyness then I can irritate younger working people too.

I understand he is lonely and wants my time but at the same time he is giving me endless lists of jobs to do whenever I go and see him. He doesn't want me to cut down on what I do for him but to use my own time to spend with him which I don't have. He wants to tell me about all the TV programmes he has watched and how good daytime TV is. I don't have the time to sit and watch daytime TV!

My elderly uncle and my neighbour both worked for 50 years yet still tell me to stop rushing around, saying I should sit and chat with them for an afternoon.

My DM also worked for many decades and on bath day she can't go out as she is busy with having a bath.

Please give examples of the spiteful and angry ageism. Also please report those posts to MNHQ.

Maybe it could change if he didn't give me so much to do? He forgets to tell the carers things that he wants done then asks me to do them. They are usually things that can't wait like medication, food or drink, he has lost his glasses so can't see, incontinence pads have run out, TV has stopped working.

He wants me to do all the jobs AND sit down and chat. I can't do both unfortunately.

I would love the luxury of time and being retired sadly not until I am 67!

Sigh.

@Mylinwas your Mum perhaps then full time working the same as your Dad? He did “fuck all around the house” so I’m guessing your Mum supplemented her “only ever part time hours” with doing all unpaid washing/ cleaning / housework and child care .

I’ll go one step further and say it not even a retirement thing in my family. My parents frequently ask do things in the middle of the day mid week as if I don’t work full time. They think WFH means I can sit and chat for a couple of hours or that because I have kids I finish at 3pm and have every half term off. I used to receive phone calls in the afternoon and they’d say things like oh are you still working or they’d say we’ll pop in on Tues and then turn up at Lunchtime wondering why no one is home. It’s like they don’t really see me as an adult with actual commitments despite both still working full time themselves.