to think some retired people forget how busy working life is?

[HazelMember]

My elderly uncle lives on the same road as me, so I visit regularly, do shopping for him and help with bits of care (he also has carers). He’s always telling me to stop rushing around, sit down and have a good tea and chat session for a couple of hours. I’d love to but I work, have DC and a household of my own to run.

My DM always argues with me when I say I’m busy and says retired people are just as busy as working people. Some might be, I agree.

One of my other elderly neighbours recently said she’s “just as busy as me” because she has two appointments next week: the doctor and the hairdresser.

AIBU to feel like some retired people forget what full-time work + parenting + life admin actually involves?

Note I said SOME not all.

When we were working, DH and I both got one day off a week, as one of us had to be in our shop every day. They one day we got loads done. Now retired it can take a week to do one task. Thinking about it, googling materials, checking prices, having another think. All v time consuming. In my last few years My DM was living on her own, and I used to look after her, so I would leave work mud afternoon, drive 15 miles to her flat, cook her tea, do her cleaning, put her washing on, do all her admin. Then drive home and get tea ready for when DH got home on the bus. It was hard going, and I have every sympathy with anyone going through the same. We are still busy, but with different things. We have 3 good friends who are seriously ill, so have to visit and phone and support their partners, this has made us very aware that the time we have fit and well is limited, so have spent today booking a few days away. DD is moving house so we are looking after her cat, which has issues and needs medication every 2 hours. It's nice to have a quiet day every now can again.

my sil does this, it drives me fucking potty, she retired at 50 and is a few years older than me, she’s now 60 and keeps making snippy comments like why don’t you cook that from scratch. Eh as I work and can’t be arsed. Ask my husband. As she never asks him why he isn’t organising the cutlery drawer, or some such random shite. Just me.

Apparently I should be doing everything like she does. It’s just a way to have a go, on account of her being an utter horror. However I think she really does think like that, and sees herself as incredibly busy. Even though she spends hours a day just watching telly.

Yanbu, it actually gets easier once the kids are grown and leave, I’m pt and some days don’t know what to do with myself in the afternoon and on weekends we lie there thinking actually we have nothing we need to do, my now dh is retired and does all the housework when I’m at work

I think many long term (ie older) retired people didn’t actually work as hard as many are expected to now. My FiL was head of personnel - 9-5, home for dinner on the table at 6, full hour for lunch. No calls or emails outside office hours. A personal secretary. You had jobs for life in his day and redundancies outside certain industries was rare. Retired on gold plated pension and benefited from the house price boom… oh and missed the wars. A blessed generation all round I’d say.

My DH is pretty much responding to emails and on call every waking moment and does 10hour days as standard. Redundancy rounds every 2-3 years, pay friezes etc so no job or wage security. My FIL does appreciate that corporate life is busier and more stressful, though, but doesn’t really understand the hours and on call culture at all.

Retired people are only as busy as they want to be so it’s a silly comparison for them to make.

What an absurd post.

This. My parents both worked full time, one of them, working shifts, but now they’re retired it’s difficult to plan more than one thing in a day, and any suggestion of doing “too much” is met with huffing…

My dad will call me at 9.05am on Monday morning, and then call back at 9.10am when I don't answer. "I knew you'd be up and about for work," when I call him back thinking it's an emergency. Well, yes, of course I'm up and about, and I'm now at work focussed on a task!

The last time he did this was to ask if I'd got the Christmas Radio Times.

YANBU
Working life was also very often less busy than modern working life for them as well. Women were less likely to work as much outside the home so the burden of working and domestic workload was lighter.

Why's that then? You disagree?

I agree op. My friend forgets Im rushing to meet my driver (school bus help). I have set hours. She is never rushing around. All the time to do it

Yes, it’s Parkinson’s law- work expands to fill time available for completion.

This.

I do also think though that a lot of it is about self-awareness and common sense and it does depend on the kind of person an individual is. As a pp has pointed out, for some people their lives shrink right down and they become more and more selfish and self-absorbed and self-obsessed and can't imagine a world outside of their own windows. But it doesn't have to be like that and plenty of retired people aren't like that at all.

My parents are well into their 80s and retired nearly 30 years ago, they live busy retired lives (lots of clubs and societies and activities) but have managed to retain a level of self-awareness and empathy and therefore a decent sense of reality. My DF completely gets that the working world is very different to the one he experienced (he had a very similar work life to @CautiousLurker2's FIL) and likewise my DM (retired teacher) is very aware that the demands made on today's teachers are a world away from what she had to deal with years ago. It doesn't necessarily follow that retired = unaware and clueless about modern reality.

YANBU. And it's not just old retired people who do it. We used to have this lady in the garden flat who was on early retirement. She would stop us for lengthy chats (usually to complain about the other neighbours who rent their flats). DH works antisocial hours as it is, and this sunny afternoon we were all off together and were determined to enjoy the heat. As she was about to come out DH just said, 'we don't have as much free time as her and need to get a move on'. Exactly like Mrs Hobbs

@FlyingPandas - It was over 15 years ago now, but I can still remember the wonderful older woman who, when I had dashed to the bank in my lunch half-hour, saw me dressed in office attire and on edge and said "Go on, dear, you go in front of me, as you've got to back to work; I've got all day."

A very kind, simple gesture that has stayed with me to this day - as just one example of somebody who clearly DID get it. I was having such a mad, hectic day, and that little act of consideration meant the world to me at that moment.

YABU because you said SOME when you should've said MOST.

I have to bite my tongue when my parents and in-laws tell me about their packed schedule, which seems to involve doing a few bits of minor life admin and choir practice. Not begrudging them a retirement after a lifetime of hard work (in some of their cases - not all!) - but all sense of perspective seems to have been put into retirement too!

So people get to enjoy retirement and forget about the real definition of busy. Good for them.

Omg yes. Drives me potty. You aren’t rushed off your feet because you have one bloody appointment.

This is where i think my brain works differently to others. I can definitely be cooking tea, sorting out mortgage paperwork, juggling kids and feeding the dog - and still be thinking about how my dad thinks I'm not busy and the irony of that. So I definitely can be both that busy and fussed what other people think. They are not exclusive in my brain.

YANBU. I'm an accountant and a lot of my long standing clients are now retired having sold their businesses or retired from work. Most are an absolute nightmare when it comes to wanting things yesterday that aren't remotely urgent nor important. I'm sure it's just boredom. The thing is, they weren't like that when they were working!

One guy in particular sent half a dozen emails yesterday morning at roughly 15 minute intervals, none of which actually said what he wanted to ask, but all were "can you give me a ring back urgently?". I rang back mid morning once I started catching up my emails after being in a meeting, and he just wanted to know whether to pay his tax by BACS on 30/1/26 or 31/1/26? It's three weeks away, so he really didn't need to know yesterday morning! And what does it matter anyway - just pay the damn thing on the 30th to be safe!

They drive me insane.

Good point and maybe there's something in that. Perhaps younger people with a more active brain can "multi task" better than an older person who isn't "exercising" their brain as much and therefore out of practice of multi tasking??

Good for them, but not for other people on whose much more limited time they make unnecessary and persistent demands - often whilst throwing in some criticism of them for basically not being retired yet.

You can enjoy and appreciate your (hard-won) privilege, without assuming that everybody has reached the same much more relaxed time of life - especially if they're decades younger than you are.

My parents keep recommending things to watch on TV. I last had time to watch tv about 7 years ago!

I think some people do, yes.

But I also think that sometimes, it's to do with generational shifts. I know some people have always worked long hours, two jobs, both parents in a couple working. But for my mum's generation, it was more common for there to be a bit of flexibility around work and free time. My mum had far more free time when she was my age; my dad had more too, because she was a SAHM so very little outside of work fell on him.

So my mum doesn't understand how busy life is for me or my siblings. She just has no experience of it. So retirement hasn't made the big difference; lifestyle changes have.