to think some retired people forget how busy working life is?

[HazelMember]

My elderly uncle lives on the same road as me, so I visit regularly, do shopping for him and help with bits of care (he also has carers). He’s always telling me to stop rushing around, sit down and have a good tea and chat session for a couple of hours. I’d love to but I work, have DC and a household of my own to run.

My DM always argues with me when I say I’m busy and says retired people are just as busy as working people. Some might be, I agree.

One of my other elderly neighbours recently said she’s “just as busy as me” because she has two appointments next week: the doctor and the hairdresser.

AIBU to feel like some retired people forget what full-time work + parenting + life admin actually involves?

Note I said SOME not all.

He’s always telling me to stop rushing around, sit down and have a good tea and chat session for a couple of hours.

YANBU but he's right. If you can't find time to sit and chat sometimes, have a cup of tea and a natter, then maybe some things need to change. What is the point of life if we are always rushing through it.

I've had three spells out of work in the past few years (seven months between jobs, then working PT, then two months, then ten months mat leave). Now I work compressed hours FT/4d.

Apart from mat leave being a bit different, I was very "busy" all day - for example, when I was on 4 days a week, the fifth day would be taken up with studying, business prep, a swim, gardening, cooking, writing... But basically each of those activities took 30m-2h each interspersed with cups of tea, sitting down and bumbling around. It was my "busiest" day of the week where I sat down the least, but it felt like a lot more than my working days because I wasn't sat in the same room doing the same thing all day.

My parents show us their calendar to prove how busy they are. Turns out they have activities of all of their (5) children and some of their (12) grandchildren there! No wonder they look busy!

I was like this on my last (extended) mat leave. Keeping the DC alive, cooking dinner, and a load of laundry seemed like the busiest day ever.
Now, I work full time AND do all those things everyday.

My SAHM friend, who I love, often lists all the things she does that keep her so busy at home e.g. cooking meals, laundry, grocery shopping, cleaning etc. I don’t have the heart to tell her that I also do all of those things, but I do them in addition to my job.

My lovely parents have become a bit like this in retirement. A morning bike ride, coffee at a cafe, lunch, afternoon nap, grocery shopping, and they think they’ve had the busiest day ever!! It sounds like a nice day off to me!

YANBU - some people are very clueless (not just retirees) about how hard it is to manage a house / have children/ schooo runs / work full time and all the extra ciricula plus homework. Im permanently exhausted.

I might be retired and 70, but DH is still running a company and so I get roped in to help too, as company secretary. Plus, just now, I am in the process of transferred a property-based direct contribution pension fund from one SIPP to another company, which has taken almost two years. I have recently completed a lump sum withdrawal from said pension fund. I have oversight on a second pension fund.

I am also trying to manage a very complicated travel insurance claim with a complicated medical scenario.

Meanwhile, we are discussing new lease terms with DH's commercial landlord, and planning to build a new industrial unit. I finished dealing with the paperwork and payments for the utilities connections on the new build about 10 months ago.

Fortunately, I quite enjoy most of the commercial stuff, but I also have to start on preparing our home of 30 years for sale and declutter so we don't take our whole history with us! That bit I wish I could delegate to someone else.

I was talking about my situation and hoping it would make people realise before it was too late that when they can cherish their loved ones (not all the time, not always at work - I do understand that) that they should grab the chance. One day they won't be there.

If you are talking to me that wasn't my intention. I was trying to say people are precious, take the chance while you can.

My parents have decided that they haven’t got time to go to the gym (having previously exercised regularly when they were working). They are both retired - my dad sings in a choir a couple of evenings, and my mum volunteers at a community cafe 1 day a week. One day a week they visit my grandad.

Ha! I am an elderly parent, except my Ddad, who chose to marry a woman not much older than me when I was 21, is still doing well if forgetful of who we all are, and he's 92!

I want to be your friend as this is exactly the kind of message I enjoy. I particularly like "soup in the freezer but perhaps not enough for three". I can imagine this was an event requiring some considerable discussion.

I love the simplicity of @Abitlosttoday 's message. I am half of a 70 year old couple, and we are still both working and dealing with business responsibilities and properties.

My MIL used to do a lot of commiserating with me about how we both understood the difficulty of being a busy working mum. She literally never worked more than one day a week (a short day in a shop on a Saturday) her whole life. I work full time with a lot of international travel. I love her so it didn't bother me but it was weird.

My Dad says he hasn't got enough time in the day for himself. My mother in law says she is so busy and hasn't got time for things.

I think they are completely bonkers! They have clearly forgotten what it is like to be busy working, looking after children, running a household etc.

I hear you! My dad and aunt pop in (mostly unexpectedly) and expect me to stop what I'm doing have a chat and a cuppa.

My dad often calls 2-3 a day but I work and can't just chat about how nothing works anymore, everywhere is so busy and the roads are full of nutters, it's very draining.

I think SOME older people become very self-absorbed, like small children.

Remember capacity and capability probably decrease with age so older people probably feel more busy in their head.
plus majority of people do run around far more than required so there is that point as well

Ditto
I was living my life on a hamster wheel.
When son was younger, dropping off to cm/school etc, like so many others.

This

I’m not particularly busy these days, but that doesn’t mean I am free to fill my time doing things others don’t want to do. My life is as I like it. If I wanted to be busier I would do more, and I could also do a lot less if I wanted that.

I don’t think people are very good at knowing how busy others are. As an example, I often get told that others ‘don’t have time’ to do things I do, but they watch Eastebders/keep allotments/decorate cakes or whatever. They could stop that and ‘have time’. It’s about priorities.

You do seem to have an unusual number of older people who don't understand this in your life OP. What would happen if you said to your neighbour "but how can you be as busy as me when I work full time and do bits of care for elderly uncle?". Will you try it and report back to the thread?

Myself and a single female friend the same age belong to a group which is almost completely retired women. Not only do they expect us to do as much as them, they often expect us to do more because we are younger and more energetic! Bearing in mind, none of the tasks are manual labour - we are talking about updating a database every few months, taking things to the library, etc etc. If you say you are busy, some get quite snippy about how they did everything when they were working and had small kids (they didn't!). its very frustrating.

My Mother was horrified when I took a few years off for maternity leave 🙂 and made numerous comments on it. Now I work too much and I shouldn’t need to. I think it’s because she’s retired and thinks I should be at her beck and call, honestly sometimes I take shifts just to avoid her. I think we are all conditioned to think if you are not busy you are useless so we must think we are busy at all times.

No I’ve been retired 9 years and I’ve never forgotten how busy I was. I was out of the house for 11 hours. Had to drive home through rush hour traffic then cook tea for me and 2 children and also do all the washing and ironing, food shopping, most of the housework and all the gardening etc (single parent). I’m still busy now retired but certainly not like when I worked. I earned my retirement as far as I'm concerned. My favourite bit is long lazy breakfasts.

My mum will say she has a busy week coming up...this will typically mean her half day volunteering, one evening club and one coffee with a friend. I'm pleased for her that she has a nice life but I don't want to hear complaints about it when I'm working FT as a single parent and she's never once even offered to babysit!