Cried for 90 mins

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Last night my little one woke and was creaming at 4.15am. I thought something was wrong but he just wanted to go downstairs. I tried to comfort him in my arms but nothing was settling him. Took him in my bed which he rarely comes into and we watched my phone. Probably shouldn't have done that but I can't stand his crying.

He wasn't sleeping but it was nice to have him under the duvet with me.

After 10 mins I put him back in his cot and his room. Same issue occured again - crying to go downstairs.

I just left him in the cot until he eventually slept at 6am.

I did go in one or twice into the room but honestly I can't settle him when he wants to go downstairs and I told him it's dark outside.

I was watching him on the room camera so he wasn't in any danger.

Did I do the wrong thing? Next door is hard of hearing so won't wake him. I live just with toddler.

The OP said she checked ‘once or twice’ which in the space of 90 minutes is nothing. And a toddler left alone in a cot for 90 minutes when they’re not tired is going to be distressed. If this was something that OP did in the middle of the day, rather than early in the morning, would you feel differently about it?

OP is clearly feeling a sense of unease with what she did, otherwise she wouldn’t be posting here. Unfortunately she only seems interested in the posters that agree with her, so I doubt she’ll be trying any of the helpful suggestions that other posters have offered.

Yeah if you link 'night time' to how light it is outside then you're in for a hell of a time come summer!

If it was correct it wouldn’t be heart breaking.

Are the posters agreeing with the OP currently parenting toddlers or are your children adults now?

I'm just hoping that this way of parenting is no longer common.

Exactly and in Scotland we’d all be asleep most of the day in the winter and up all night in the summer!

What would you do if you lived in a flat?

Early walking is different to falling asleep at bedtime. You can’t teach or train it. It’s hardwired into our physiology. You can make adjustments to the environment or routine to encourage longer sleep, but once a child is awake for the day there’s little to be done. Leaving them in their cot to cry for 90minutes teaches them nothing but abandonment.

You're talking about yourself. There is nothing wrong with the ops approach to parenting she did the right thing. He needs to learn that the world doesn't revolve around him. If any parent got up at 4 or 5 am in the morning to pander to their child then good luck to them because they'll need it. I have 4 children and I wouldn't dream of getting up for them to watch Teletubbies at 4 am. People will think I am a shit parent and lost control of my children.

When is actual daytime?

What the fuck? A mid sleeper 4 poster bed?

OP I would not leave mine to cry but I would get up if the issue was literally that they were awake for the day. Sometimes you get an early riser, sometimes it’s a one off and sometimes you can gradually teach them to stay in bed but for last nights situation I would have got up with him.

I think it's good to have an age-appropriate audio book for these situations. Assuming you've checked for comfort / illness/ hunger/ thirst first , sorry we're not going downstairs as it's still dark - but you can listen to the story in your cot. It distracts them from crying and probably they'll drop back to sleep, especially if it's a story they've heard lots of times before.

After 1 hour of crying the 2 year old calmly says to himself "the world doesn't revolve around me, I understand now". And sits quietly and sensibly until it's the assigned 'beginning of the day' time. He has learned an important lesson.

But you've posted in AIBU which is for people to tell you whether they think you're unreasonable or not, not specifically to give you advice. If you want advice, there's an entire topic for 'parenting' or 'sleep', plus probably others where you could get advice. AIBU will give you a mix of opinions, some more pleasant than others. I wouldn't suggest posting here if you're just looking for people to reassure you that you're right as you won't get that.

The fact that you've come on here to ask suggests you're worried its not ok. Because if you thought it was all fine, why would you need to ask?

Personally, I think a child crying for that long is more than just a tantrum and I couldn't leave my child for that long.

Yes I'm sure the blue light from your phone wasn't over stimulating at all and definitely didn't lead to him then struggling to sleep.

Another ipad kid?

What???

About half the people on here are saying very similar things to the person you responded to. You are also on a forum called mumsnet and a post specifically about a toddler's sleep. Unless the person explicitly said they didn't have kids, why would you assume anyone commenting here doesn't have children?

Yes I do think you’re a shit parent if you think the answer to a child in distress is to shut them away for 90 minutes.

And I don’t know why you are talking about Teletubbies. I never said anything about putting the TV on. It’s the OP who stuck some crap on her phone in the first instance, and yet apparently ‘there is nothing wrong with her approach to parenting she did the right thing’.

Just an idea for a future time, recently my niece was struggling to settle (was nap time though not 4am) and we were actually all downstairs having some quiet time (reading that sort of thing) so Dbil brought her downstairs, showed her that we were all sat with chilled lighting on, being quiet and boring, then took her back up and she settled.

So if you're ever in a situation where you're feeling like nothing is working, perhaps taking him downstairs, but keeping the lights off and saying 'nothing happening downstairs see? Because it's sleeping time. So we're going to go back upstairs and stay in our beds until its time to get up', is worth a go? Might not work obvs, but just throwing ideas out there.

It's blooming horrid when they won't settle and you're knackered!

honestly, i remember that stage. and we went down stairs. i've walked the streets at all hours with them. i've had baby telly on with them in their bouncers whilst i tried to light doze on the sofa. it was hell but it did stop. they'll wake and get into bed with me and snuggle or ill get into theirs.

but i think just closing the door and letting them cry because you don't like the noise is awful. you're not meant to like the noise. that isn't the point.

the only time its ok to close the door and walk away is if you think you're at risk of harming your child or yourself, and in that case if the feeling doesn't pass within a short time, you need to get help.

poor kid.

6am at least. Ideally 7am. In the uk. Other cultures may be set up differently

Some people on this thread can’t tell the difference between actual distress, and a temper tantrum.

My children are now adults.

When I was pregnant with my first I read parenting books as most of us do. The one I liked the most was written by David Attenborough. He said that sleep training works in the same way that breaking a horse works.

I decided I wasn’t going to “break” my children.

We went with their sleep patterns. The second was a nightmare as he didn’t seem to need sleep. He wasn’t a baby who cried much but after three hours sleep he was awake and ready to play.

We got through it.

They’re not babies for long and didn’t choose to be here.

In Scotland there’s daylight from about 3am in the summer and none until 9am in the Winter. Are we another culture? Or are we not in the UK?

It's not real tears it's attention that he wants.

Still not ‘day time’ why are you being obtuse?

Children need a decent amount of sleep to be able to function properly.

And you think you can based on a forum post?

Even if this started as a temper tantrum, after 90 minutes you can be sure it has evolved into genuine distress.