Cried for 90 mins

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Last night my little one woke and was creaming at 4.15am. I thought something was wrong but he just wanted to go downstairs. I tried to comfort him in my arms but nothing was settling him. Took him in my bed which he rarely comes into and we watched my phone. Probably shouldn't have done that but I can't stand his crying.

He wasn't sleeping but it was nice to have him under the duvet with me.

After 10 mins I put him back in his cot and his room. Same issue occured again - crying to go downstairs.

I just left him in the cot until he eventually slept at 6am.

I did go in one or twice into the room but honestly I can't settle him when he wants to go downstairs and I told him it's dark outside.

I was watching him on the room camera so he wasn't in any danger.

Did I do the wrong thing? Next door is hard of hearing so won't wake him. I live just with toddler.

Your timelines are really unclear here. How long did he cry before you gave up and took out the phone? You then say you only watched it for ten minutes and that stopped him crying, at which point you put him back in his room and he started again.

It sounds like you didn't give him much time to regulate. Then you blasted a load of blue light in his face, which woke him up even more, and only ten minutes later, expected him to go back to sleep! And there was a lot of back and forth in general. His room, your room, back to his, then you checked on him a few times while watching on the camera.

You probably should have just stayed in the room with him, if you have a bed there and he couldn't stay in your room. It sounds like you were a comfort to him, he just needed more time to settle. I know it's hard, but sometimes you need to pick one approach and give it time to work.

You did the right thing, you just now need to be consistent otherwise it would have been for nothing.

Why drag out years of terrible sleep when you can sort it swiftly?

Mumsnet is so weird about sleep.

Exactly. A two year old needs to learn to stay in bed. Both of mine would have settled with me in my bed, so I’d have done that, but if they just wanted to play I’d have done exactly what you did.

The trick is to stay calm but firm. Go in at intervals, but do not give in. It shouldn’t take too many nights until he realises he isn’t going downstairs at that time.

Is he going to bed a little too early? Might keeping him up an hour later be worth a try?

2am is night time.

Because, in most cases, they only happen a handful of times and usually for a reason - teething, sore ears, nightmares etc etc.

I'm not sure leaving a toddler to cry for 90 minutes alone is sorting anything "swiftly".

Completely agree.

> I just left him in the cot until he eventually slept at 6am.

That is the heartbreakingly correct way to deal with this if there's no injury nor illness

Teaching a child to sleep at night time used to be common sense.

Mine get up on the night a lot still. I know you were trying to ‘stop the crying’ but I think watching the phone made it all worse.

I would try supper nanny style if he doesn’t want to bed share. I return mine back to bed each time. Lay with them a bit and then get back in my bed. It’s bloody exhausting but I’m not watching tv etc at4am nor am I going downstairs.

But what is the toddler supposed to do in the cot if they are wide awake and can't get back to sleep?

Look we’ve all been there (well maybe not some of the holier than thou earth mothers on here…..)- your little one can’t be settled no matter what you try and you get to the point where you feel like there is no option but to leave them to cry for a bit. Textbook parenting - no (but then those textbooks can’t even agree on the ‘right’ answer to this). Human? Absolutely. I wonder if going downstairs in his mind means getting up for the day and that’s really what he’s after. What is it he is looking to do down there.
Is there anything in his routine you need to tweak? Eg too much or too little daytime sleep. Is his room dark enough? The right temperature? Is what he is wearing warm enough or too warm? Could he be teething or sickening for something?

Once you’ve ruled all of that out and changed anything that might need changing it’s about being clear and consistent ‘we’re not going downstairs yet it’s still nighttime’. Keep laying him down as many times as you need to if he won’t respond to you saying ‘time to lie down’. You might try saying ‘if you lie down mummy will hold your hand’ or whatever way feels best to comfort him. Does he have a musical toy or something that signals it’s time for sleep? I found that useful for my LG. Play some soothing bedtime music or sing to him and hold his hand or stroke his head till he falls over.

You might find this is a phase that passes once he gets the clear message it’s not time to get up but you’ll still be there for him. Good luck!

Once they learn they’re not getting up, they’ll naturally stay asleep until it’s actual day time.
Probably need a couple of frustrating nights and then it clicks.

Nobody chooses to wake up. Your body just wakes up. You don't learn about some consequence for waking up and that makes you stay asleep.

Wow.Thats a bit harsh. People are just asking for information/making suggestions. You dont have to agree with them.I assume its your lack of sleep that made you so snarky!

It's okay OP. Kids go through phases and sometimes sleep regression at this age. You did nothing wrong and are trying your best. You little one may just have had a bad dream or needed a bit of extra cuddles. Sometimes we have to just do what we can to get by for the night. Parenting is exhausting and there is no one size fits all for kids. If they came with an instructions manual it would be much easier 🤣

I am always stunned at the horrible way people speak to struggling mums on a forum called Mumsnet. I suppose it is because those posters have perfect children who slept through the night at 2 days old and never did anything to be difficult 🙄

Really though, it is clear the OP is feeling sad and inadequate and maybe helpful tips instead of merciless anger and bashing would be better here. Responses like these drive posters away who may genuinely need someone to hear them and help them.

I wouldn't have left mine to cry at such a young age for so long no. I wouldnt have had my phone out either, that's bound to make him awake and not want to sleep.

Teaching them to sleep, or teaching them you won't come even if they scream for an hour?

You do. Your body adjusts to the routine. If there is no external stimulus.

Children need proper sleep.

Yes your body adjusts to a routine. That's nothing to do with 'learning there's nothing to get up for'. If you woke your child at 4 every day then they would adjust to waking up at 4 but that's not what's happening here. You get up with them or you leave them to cry for an hour, either way they didn't sleep for that hour.

Ugh, leaving a small child to cry alone for ages and trying to justify it - I’m just not seeing what you want us to say, OP.

Ops son hasn't worked that out yet. For now until when she puts alternatives in it's place that is the safest place for him.

So if people only get up when it’s light, how do you cope with seasons?

I dont think you should let a young child (or any child) cry alone for 90 minutes, you might have "checked on him" twice, but he was still alone for the majority of that time. I dont know why you waited for him to fall asleep at 6am, have you never got up before that time before?!

Im also a single parent to a 15 month old so I do totally get how exhausting it is and how it feels like you'll never sleep again. I still wouldn't and havent let my child scream.

So you did actually get up but spent the time trying to get them back to sleep?