Cried for 90 mins

[draft123]

Last night my little one woke and was creaming at 4.15am. I thought something was wrong but he just wanted to go downstairs. I tried to comfort him in my arms but nothing was settling him. Took him in my bed which he rarely comes into and we watched my phone. Probably shouldn't have done that but I can't stand his crying.

He wasn't sleeping but it was nice to have him under the duvet with me.

After 10 mins I put him back in his cot and his room. Same issue occured again - crying to go downstairs.

I just left him in the cot until he eventually slept at 6am.

I did go in one or twice into the room but honestly I can't settle him when he wants to go downstairs and I told him it's dark outside.

I was watching him on the room camera so he wasn't in any danger.

Did I do the wrong thing? Next door is hard of hearing so won't wake him. I live just with toddler.

I mean, you’re not far off tbh.

OP you keep saying 4/5am- which was it?
Because toddlers getting up at 5am isnt that uncommon, if incredibly draining/annoying. Both of mine went through the early phase and we just rolled with it.
I definitely wouldn't have left mine for 90 mins to cry. Possibly 5-10 mins, if they didn't settle I'd go in, try again and failing that would have just resigned myself to getting up and getting on with the day. Unfortunately one of the shit parts of toddlerhood.

If it was an angry cry for wanting to go downstairs I don't think you did anything wrong. If it was a distressed cry from a nightmare or illness then you need to be with him. You know your own child if you think he wanted to go play then i think you were fine about it. I had a child who constantly thought it was morning and I tried everything to convince him otherwise. I could be in and out of the room at intervals all night. The only thing that worked was controlled crying and it was hard for me too but he eventually learned that night time is night time. I would sit silently in the room so he knew he wasn't alone but made no eye contact or talking, then left for periods and back again, then eventually let him cry. It took weeks of almost zero sleep but it was worth it because prior to that I was woken constantly anyway and would spend ages soothing him back to sleep only to be woken 20 mins later.

Well, that's how I parented and I didn't have a terrible sleeper, I had an occasional early waker, so I think what we've learned is that your way isn't the only way 😊

The fact that you think culture might have anything to do with it tells me you do not understand the biology of sleep at all.

@oilead I wish I could agree with you but my son is 7 and still wakes up between 5&5.30. He's always been like it, as long as I can remember. He would to wake up, scream, would always have a full dirty nappy so couldn't exactly ignore him. We do NOT get up for the day at that time. I can't remember exactly what we did when he was really small. Pretty sure we kept the lights low and quiet. By the time he was 2.5 we had him in a low toddler bed and he would look at books quietly in his room, but wasn't allowed to get up for the day until the gro clock woke which used to be at 6 but we slowly pushed it to 7 as he got bigger. It's great these days as he has a kindle and will happily read until 7 when the rest of us are ready to get up. He's just an early bird. I used to wake up naturally at 6 before I had kids and became an exhausted pigeon. Mum is regularly up before dawn. She used to be in the supermarket at 5.30 doing the weekly shop! so maybe it's inherited.

It sounds like you did your best. Sometimes at this age they can get night terrors or just want to be up and about.
Or they feel not well or maybe wake to pee.

Yes and small children don't need attention. Just a clean nappy etc, digestive system needs fulfilled.

Her child wasn't crying it's fake tears. He wants attention at the wrong time of the morning. The op would be giving him negative attention. She would have been better off laying him down and telling him to go back to sleep. If parents pandered to every tantrum we will become walking sleep deprived wrecks.

You can’t be serious

Not at 4 am. The parents who did pander to their children at those times looked like they were in the wars. Ops child didn't need a nappy change and it would have been a bad idea to feed him at 4 am.

@ProfessionalPirate getting troll vibes tbh, someone stirring the hornets nest. Maybe they spent the 90's working in a Romanian orphanage.

This exactly!

I’m saying, we all generally need to be up and about around 6/7 because that’s how our society is set up.

Children generally need to be asleep by 7/8 to get enough sleep ready for the next day.

Nothing I’m saying is hard to understand.

What a sad way to look at a child. If it’s attention he wants GIVE IT. You chose to have him, not the other way about.

No it's not ok to put him back in the cot and leave him to cry for that long. It's distressing to them!

My 2 year old also doesn't relax in my bed. If he wakes up I comfort him see if he will settle if not I go downstairs regardless of the time!! Change him, give him a drink, cuddle him

Of course young kids and babies cry for attention they can't talk properly!

What is the problem going downstairs that early?
Next time comfort him, if he won't settle after 20 minutes go downstairs! Give him a drink or some milk, change his nappy, then see if he will settle again for another hour or so.

he;s 2, you have no idea why he wanted to go down or how real his tears were. just because kids can't verbalise their every thought and feeling doesn't mean they don't have them,
maybe he had a nightmare and didn't want to be in his room. maybe he was hungry or thirsty or lonely. Maybe genuinely wasn't tired and felt abandoned by his Mom. lots of reasons a 2 year old might have been crying and needing attention rather than fake crying to be naughty

But you think it's fine to show Teletubbies on a phone at 4am and then send them back to bed?

Fake tears for 90 minutes? Give me a break. Just being trapped alone in a cot in the dark for 90minutes is enough to cause genuine distress. Would you do it any other time of the day?

I ‘pandered’ to all of my children’s night and early morning wakings by giving them attention of some description and they developed into brilliant sleepers.

Oh I really do feel for you @draft123

My youngest regularly woke at 2 / 3am when she was about 2 years old, wanting to go downstairs. I used to say only for 10 minutes then it is back to bed. This did seem to work, and thankfully it was a very short phase for her.

The crying could have been out of frustration at not being able to go downstairs. It could have been due to night terrors. Sometimes it can be difficult to pinpoint the reason why.

It is good that your DS likes to be in his own bed. Rather than watching something on your phone, I would suggest trying something like a galaxy projector in his room which may help him settle? My teenage DD had one for Christmas, and it is absolutely fascinating to watch. It also plays different sounds, such as birdsong, the sea, white noise etc. Something like this may help him to settle better. They are around £25 / £30 on Amazon, so not too expensive either.

I hope you are able to sort a solution soon.

Give it whatever the situation? That’s not healthy

Sleep needs vary by child. I track my 1 year old's sleep on an app and he gets about 12.5 hours every 24 hours and there's very little variation at the moment. No matter what happens - early or late morning, early or late bedtime, long or short nap, one or two naps, no matter what happens he's still getting about 12.5hrs. If I see in the app that he's already had 8.5 hours of sleep, then if I put him to bed before 8 o clock I know he will compensate by either being awake for an hour in the night or being up an hour early. I think children get the sleep they need to have, one way or another. If that doesn't fit with your adult schedule then you need to adjust their naps and bedtime and so forth. You can't force them to sleep when they don't need to.

Op is a single parent

Which is what he should have been given. How do you measure “real tears” btw?

I cant help thinking cuddles, talking, reading books either in bed or downstairs are immeasurably better than being left to cry