Page 4 | Cried for 90 mins

draft123 · 2026-01-13T09:21:04+00:00

Last night my little one woke and was creaming at 4.15am. I thought something was wrong but he just wanted to go downstairs. I tried to comfort him in my arms but nothing was settling him. Took him in my bed which he rarely comes into and we watched my phone. Probably shouldn't have done that but I can't stand his crying. He wasn't sleeping but it was nice to have him under the duvet with me. After 10 mins I put him back in his cot and his room. Same issue occured again - crying to go downstairs. I just left him in the cot until he eventually slept at 6am. I did go in one or twice into the room but honestly I can't settle him when he wants to go downstairs and I told him it's dark outside. I was watching him on the room camera so he wasn't in any danger. Did I do the wrong thing? Next door is hard of hearing so won't wake him. I live just with toddler.

Mary28 · 13/01/2026 10:38

I would check the child and make sure he was fine and then leave him.
I would try not to cuddle him too much or give him too much attention at the time. I'd just check him, make sure no temperature, nappy doesn't need changing etc and leave him alone once I know he's well and just looking for attention.

I know there are big differences in people's opinions on this but I need my sleep. Even when I was off on maternity and did not need to get up for work, I would not entertain being up all night settling a child. I made sure the child was ok and I would leave them to cry it off and train them to settle themselves.
If there is nothing wrong with the child they wake and they are bored and want attention or I dunno, maybe they are scared but they need to learn there is nothing to be afraid of and they need to learn to get themselves back to sleep by themselves. Otherwise you could be stuck doing this for years with them.

When the child was a baby I'd do all this of course but by the time I moved them out of my room, typically by 1 yr old, I expected them to start to settle themselves. I moved my third child out earlier as I was a bit more relaxed and confident at that stage but 1 yr is the recommended age for moving them into their own rooms afaik.

My first and last kids cooperated reasonably well but my middle child was just an early riser and it was very challenging but I am not up for entertainment at these hours. If they are not unwell they need to settle/entertain themselves, they can stay awake or go to sleep, I don't care, but they're not getting me up if there's nothing wrong with them.

dairydebris · 13/01/2026 10:39

He's going to want the phone every night when he's bored and can't sleep and wants to get up.
Good luck with that. In your 1.2m high bed. 🙄

SouthLondonMum22 · 13/01/2026 10:40

You did nothing wrong. He wanted to go downstairs, you said no because it's too early and didn't give in to his tantrum.

If mine wake up before 7 which is rare, they are put back to bed because it isn't morning yet.

Allthecoloursoftherainbow4 · 13/01/2026 10:43

Iloveeverycat · 13/01/2026 09:42

But he didn't want to go back to his cot he wanted you.

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No it sounds like he wanted the phone /a screen!!!

downunder50 · 13/01/2026 10:44

OP if you can't settle a child and they're ready to get up, then you get up with them - that's what being a parent is. You don't just dump them in their cot and leave them to cry for over an hour.

That's the sort of behaviour that leads to all sorts of issues with attachment if done over and over. If you went into his room a couple of times then you weren't sleeping anyway so you might as well have taken him downstairs.

Also people have no idea if their child is ill - they could have a sore throat, head ache, tooth ache, had a nightmare and you wouldn't know.

There is some really shite parenting on here IMO. No wonder so many kids end up with mental health issues. How kids are treated at this age really impacts them as they get older, their behaviour and their self esteem.

Icanttakethisanymore · 13/01/2026 10:44

SouthLondonMum22 · 13/01/2026 10:40

You did nothing wrong. He wanted to go downstairs, you said no because it's too early and didn't give in to his tantrum.

If mine wake up before 7 which is rare, they are put back to bed because it isn't morning yet.

But she didn't put him back to bed, she took him out and gave him a telephone to watch in her bed, which is incredibly stimulating, before putting him back into his cot and expecting him to go back to sleep. That was clearly never going to work and the consequence was that the child was left crying for 90 mins.

Allthecoloursoftherainbow4 · 13/01/2026 10:45

OP you did nothing wrong. Your childs needs were met, sometimes they can't have what they want when it's not good for them.

This is no different to a child having a tantrum because they want some chocolate, sure they are upset but you don't just give it them!

You don't give in to a child wanting screens/to go downstairs at 4am, there is no benefit to them, it's not good for them and they need to learn this. They can snuggle in their bed with their toys. This isn't a newborn this is a 2 year old who likely can understand a parent saying no it's not morning yet this is sleep time.

willywallaby · 13/01/2026 10:46

HereintheloveofChristIstand · 13/01/2026 10:35

there is a stark difference between sad, unwell, in pain, wet, afraid (all of which are understandable) and 'angry because I am not getting what I want'.
Notwithstanding the non parenting 'just whip a phone out' strategy which has probable contributed to this problem.

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But he's awake and not tired. It doesn't make a difference that it's 'too early', he only understands that he's awake and not tired and wants to get up. If you left a toddler in a cot for an hour in the middle of the day, alone, with nothing to do, they would also cry the whole time. You wouldn't say he was 'angry because he's not getting what he wants', you would recognise that it was neglectful.

Allthecoloursoftherainbow4 · 13/01/2026 10:46

downunder50 · 13/01/2026 10:44

OP if you can't settle a child and they're ready to get up, then you get up with them - that's what being a parent is. You don't just dump them in their cot and leave them to cry for over an hour.

That's the sort of behaviour that leads to all sorts of issues with attachment if done over and over. If you went into his room a couple of times then you weren't sleeping anyway so you might as well have taken him downstairs.

Also people have no idea if their child is ill - they could have a sore throat, head ache, tooth ache, had a nightmare and you wouldn't know.

There is some really shite parenting on here IMO. No wonder so many kids end up with mental health issues. How kids are treated at this age really impacts them as they get older, their behaviour and their self esteem.

Edited

I disagree, you don't teach a child that 4am is an appropriate time to get up?! Otherwise you will have this problem for years to come. No way. It's not morning.

willywallaby · 13/01/2026 10:47

Allthecoloursoftherainbow4 · 13/01/2026 10:46

I disagree, you don't teach a child that 4am is an appropriate time to get up?! Otherwise you will have this problem for years to come. No way. It's not morning.

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A child that age cannot conceptualise that 'it's 4am', they have no concept of '4am'.

madeofmore · 13/01/2026 10:48

Homegrownberries · 13/01/2026 09:50

That is totally uncalled for.

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Where's the support though? Fucks sake, single mum asks for advice on a parenting forum called Mumsnet. Could it be any clearer? I would have thought advice can be delivered kindly, whatever the opinion.

Whosthetabbynow · 13/01/2026 10:49

Dillydollydingdong · 13/01/2026 09:38

No, I don't think you were wrong. So he was just crying because he wanted something? He wanted to go downstairs. He wasn't hungry, not thirsty, not in pain or needing a nappy change? I'm afraid he needs to learn that night time means sleep time, for you as well as him.

This ^ It’s too early to go downstairs. Don’t make a rod for your back. Put him in bed with you and both go back to sleep.

Allthecoloursoftherainbow4 · 13/01/2026 10:50

willywallaby · 13/01/2026 10:46

But he's awake and not tired. It doesn't make a difference that it's 'too early', he only understands that he's awake and not tired and wants to get up. If you left a toddler in a cot for an hour in the middle of the day, alone, with nothing to do, they would also cry the whole time. You wouldn't say he was 'angry because he's not getting what he wants', you would recognise that it was neglectful.

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If you encourage a child to have a persistent wake time of 4am they are going to end up always tired in school every day in the afternoon and not able to make it through their dinner. Children this age need probably 12+ hours of sleep and they aren't going to get that getting up at 4am, unless you plan to put them to bed at 4pm.
Sleep is hugely hugely important to a child's development and a 2 year old regularly getting up at 4am will end up chronically overtired, so no, you don't let them do it you teach them this is night time and they need to at least be resting in bed.

Allthecoloursoftherainbow4 · 13/01/2026 10:51

willywallaby · 13/01/2026 10:47

A child that age cannot conceptualise that 'it's 4am', they have no concept of '4am'.

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No, that's why you say to them, it's not morning yet, this is sleep time.
Things like gro clocks are great for this.

FlyingApple · 13/01/2026 10:51

So many crap parents on here.

BellesAndGraces · 13/01/2026 10:51

willywallaby · 13/01/2026 10:16

Also, about all this 'they need to learn night is for quiet sleeping' business. Yes they do, eventually, but knowing that night is for quiet sleeping isn't going to make them sleep. My 7 year old understands that night is for quiet sleeping but that doesn't mean she'll sleep if she wakes early and is not tired. What is a 2 year old supposed to do if they're awake and can't sleep because they're not tired? Even if they 'understand'? They're not going to just lie there quietly???

I suspect toddlers also take direction from their parents. If my toddler woke up at 4.15, and there were many times when she did, we did not give up and go downstairs. Our day started between 6 and 6.30 so if she woke that early we checked she was ok and, if she was, we did not talk or play with her, lights stayed off. If she cried because she wanted to get up and play, she had one of us as a reassuring presence either in bed with her or on the floor with a hand on her, but we did not get up with her because night time is for sleeping. It’s ok for a toddler to cry because they are not getting what they want. We got her a gro clock from a very young age so that she could tell for herself when it was ok to get up and it worked.

She is now 7 and a naturally early riser but the rules are if she wakes before 6, she stays in bed because resting is as good as sleeping. After 6 she is allowed to get out of bed and play in her room quietly and at 6.30 she can come and get one of us up. She is a happy, well rested child and we have never had sleep issues with her because as a house we have good sleep hygiene. So many kids in her class still have issues sleeping and I have to plaster a sympathetic smile on my face when I listen to the parents describe sleep habits that are the direct result of their kid being unable to sleep well.

SouthLondonMum22 · 13/01/2026 10:51

willywallaby · 13/01/2026 10:47

A child that age cannot conceptualise that 'it's 4am', they have no concept of '4am'.

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Which is why you teach them that it's still night time and not wake up time.

He's 2, not a tiny baby.

Icanttakethisanymore · 13/01/2026 10:51

Allthecoloursoftherainbow4 · 13/01/2026 10:45

OP you did nothing wrong. Your childs needs were met, sometimes they can't have what they want when it's not good for them.

This is no different to a child having a tantrum because they want some chocolate, sure they are upset but you don't just give it them!

You don't give in to a child wanting screens/to go downstairs at 4am, there is no benefit to them, it's not good for them and they need to learn this. They can snuggle in their bed with their toys. This isn't a newborn this is a 2 year old who likely can understand a parent saying no it's not morning yet this is sleep time.

She took him out of bed and gave him a phone to watch… hardly says ‘it’s too early to get up’ does it?

FWIW I’d have probably just gotten up but equally I think it’s perfectly reasonable to try and settle the child back down etc. even if that means they cry for a bit. However, the OP totally mismanaged this and it was to her child’s detriment. Very confusing for him to be gotten up, given a phone and then expected to go back to sleep because now apparently it’s not time to get up.

Icanttakethisanymore · 13/01/2026 10:51

Allthecoloursoftherainbow4 · 13/01/2026 10:45

OP you did nothing wrong. Your childs needs were met, sometimes they can't have what they want when it's not good for them.

This is no different to a child having a tantrum because they want some chocolate, sure they are upset but you don't just give it them!

You don't give in to a child wanting screens/to go downstairs at 4am, there is no benefit to them, it's not good for them and they need to learn this. They can snuggle in their bed with their toys. This isn't a newborn this is a 2 year old who likely can understand a parent saying no it's not morning yet this is sleep time.

She took him out of bed and gave him a phone to watch… hardly says ‘it’s too early to get up’ does it?

FWIW I’d have probably just gotten up but equally I think it’s perfectly reasonable to try and settle the child back down etc. even if that means they cry for a bit. However, the OP totally mismanaged this and it was to her child’s detriment. Very confusing for him to be gotten up, given a phone and then expected to go back to sleep because now apparently it’s not time to get up.

Icanttakethisanymore · 13/01/2026 10:51

Allthecoloursoftherainbow4 · 13/01/2026 10:45

OP you did nothing wrong. Your childs needs were met, sometimes they can't have what they want when it's not good for them.

This is no different to a child having a tantrum because they want some chocolate, sure they are upset but you don't just give it them!

You don't give in to a child wanting screens/to go downstairs at 4am, there is no benefit to them, it's not good for them and they need to learn this. They can snuggle in their bed with their toys. This isn't a newborn this is a 2 year old who likely can understand a parent saying no it's not morning yet this is sleep time.

She took him out of bed and gave him a phone to watch… hardly says ‘it’s too early to get up’ does it?

FWIW I’d have probably just gotten up but equally I think it’s perfectly reasonable to try and settle the child back down etc. even if that means they cry for a bit. However, the OP totally mismanaged this and it was to her child’s detriment. Very confusing for him to be gotten up, given a phone and then expected to go back to sleep because now apparently it’s not time to get up.

Icanttakethisanymore · 13/01/2026 10:51

Allthecoloursoftherainbow4 · 13/01/2026 10:45

OP you did nothing wrong. Your childs needs were met, sometimes they can't have what they want when it's not good for them.

This is no different to a child having a tantrum because they want some chocolate, sure they are upset but you don't just give it them!

You don't give in to a child wanting screens/to go downstairs at 4am, there is no benefit to them, it's not good for them and they need to learn this. They can snuggle in their bed with their toys. This isn't a newborn this is a 2 year old who likely can understand a parent saying no it's not morning yet this is sleep time.

Sorry - not sure why my phone has posted that multiple times

Icanttakethisanymore · 13/01/2026 10:51

Allthecoloursoftherainbow4 · 13/01/2026 10:45

OP you did nothing wrong. Your childs needs were met, sometimes they can't have what they want when it's not good for them.

This is no different to a child having a tantrum because they want some chocolate, sure they are upset but you don't just give it them!

You don't give in to a child wanting screens/to go downstairs at 4am, there is no benefit to them, it's not good for them and they need to learn this. They can snuggle in their bed with their toys. This isn't a newborn this is a 2 year old who likely can understand a parent saying no it's not morning yet this is sleep time.

She took him out of bed and gave him a phone to watch… hardly says ‘it’s too early to get up’ does it?

FWIW I’d have probably just gotten up but equally I think it’s perfectly reasonable to try and settle the child back down etc. even if that means they cry for a bit. However, the OP totally mismanaged this and it was to her child’s detriment. Very confusing for him to be gotten up, given a phone and then expected to go back to sleep because now apparently it’s not time to get up.

Icanttakethisanymore · 13/01/2026 10:51

Allthecoloursoftherainbow4 · 13/01/2026 10:45

OP you did nothing wrong. Your childs needs were met, sometimes they can't have what they want when it's not good for them.

This is no different to a child having a tantrum because they want some chocolate, sure they are upset but you don't just give it them!

You don't give in to a child wanting screens/to go downstairs at 4am, there is no benefit to them, it's not good for them and they need to learn this. They can snuggle in their bed with their toys. This isn't a newborn this is a 2 year old who likely can understand a parent saying no it's not morning yet this is sleep time.

She took him out of bed and gave him a phone to watch… hardly says ‘it’s too early to get up’ does it?

FWIW I’d have probably just gotten up but equally I think it’s perfectly reasonable to try and settle the child back down etc. even if that means they cry for a bit. However, the OP totally mismanaged this and it was to her child’s detriment. Very confusing for him to be gotten up, given a phone and then expected to go back to sleep because now apparently it’s not time to get up.

Icanttakethisanymore · 13/01/2026 10:51

Allthecoloursoftherainbow4 · 13/01/2026 10:45

OP you did nothing wrong. Your childs needs were met, sometimes they can't have what they want when it's not good for them.

This is no different to a child having a tantrum because they want some chocolate, sure they are upset but you don't just give it them!

You don't give in to a child wanting screens/to go downstairs at 4am, there is no benefit to them, it's not good for them and they need to learn this. They can snuggle in their bed with their toys. This isn't a newborn this is a 2 year old who likely can understand a parent saying no it's not morning yet this is sleep time.

She took him out of bed and gave him a phone to watch… hardly says ‘it’s too early to get up’ does it?

FWIW I’d have probably just gotten up but equally I think it’s perfectly reasonable to try and settle the child back down etc. even if that means they cry for a bit. However, the OP totally mismanaged this and it was to her child’s detriment. Very confusing for him to be gotten up, given a phone and then expected to go back to sleep because now apparently it’s not time to get up.

EverythingYouLoseIsAStepYouTake · 13/01/2026 10:51

I don't ever leave young children to cry. If I was crying I would want to be comforted.