Cried for 90 mins

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Last night my little one woke and was creaming at 4.15am. I thought something was wrong but he just wanted to go downstairs. I tried to comfort him in my arms but nothing was settling him. Took him in my bed which he rarely comes into and we watched my phone. Probably shouldn't have done that but I can't stand his crying.

He wasn't sleeping but it was nice to have him under the duvet with me.

After 10 mins I put him back in his cot and his room. Same issue occured again - crying to go downstairs.

I just left him in the cot until he eventually slept at 6am.

I did go in one or twice into the room but honestly I can't settle him when he wants to go downstairs and I told him it's dark outside.

I was watching him on the room camera so he wasn't in any danger.

Did I do the wrong thing? Next door is hard of hearing so won't wake him. I live just with toddler.

Is this a regular occurrence or a one-off? If it's regular it would suggest he may actually be ready to get up at that time.
Is it possible he was cold? Thirsty? Hungry?

Do I think you should have let him watch stuff on your phone aged 2? No.

Are early wakes annoying? Yes. Do i think as a parent we sometimes have to suck them up? Yes.

But as a parent you choose your poison

You said you went in once or twice in the space of nearly 2 hours

Er no, that’s not how parenting works for everyone. Otherwise, what happens when said toddler decides it’s time to wake up at 3.15? Or 2.15? At what point do you think it becomes a parent’s job to teach their child the difference between night and day?

Fair enough it’s harder to teach a 2 month old this but a 2.5 year old certainly understands.

To the toddler there can be little difference between the two. They don’t have the power of reasoning to understand that the thing they are upset about is trivial. After a while, all they are aware of is that they are distressed, regardless of the why. And they need comfort and reassurance.

Completely mixed signals-
play with the phone but it’s too early to go downstairs.
Come to mummy’s bed but then it’s too dangerous so back alone in your cot.

No wonder he cried! Poor thing.

Oh dear OP! I've been there with my very strong willed little girl at around that age. Sometimes they just want what they want and nothing else will do.
If you were checking in and offering comfort then you've been doing the right thing and hopefully the message will sink in that night time is for quiet and sleeping. Do try not to offer your phone if you can help it, as the blue light can shock our systems out of a restful state that is already proving a struggle to maintain.
When my daughter was really wide awake and couldn't sleep, I used to sometimes put a soft lamp on with a cloth over it to keep the room dim and read a couple of gentle stories.
Actually, I'm speaking as if it was long ago but she's only just turned 3 and I'm sure the lamplit 4am story will make a comeback at some point 😂

Good luck OP, give yourself grace today. You must be exhausted 💗

I think it is alright to leave for short periods of time while you calm down or have a rethink. More than an hour left to cry is excessive. Toddlers go through a few clingy phases but mostly children cry because they want a need attended to that they are struggling to communicate.

What you did to begin with (bringing him into your room for a little while and trying to comfort/settle him) was correct but where you went slightly wrong (it’s alright to make mistakes, as a parent we all do) is to show him videos on your phone. This will have majorly overstimulated him and prolonged his crying. The blue light on the phone will also make him more awake.

If you have a low lamp or nightlight a better way to settle and calm him would be to read a toddler book to him. Especially a bedtime one. Or sing nursery rhymes to him with the lights off. It’s then fine to put him back in the cot as you did and come in every 15-20 mins and reiterate that it’s nighttime, we stay in bed until morning etc

It’s also worth checking if the reason he is set on going downstairs so early is because he is thirsty/hungry/feeling wet if not potty trained. You could try offering a drink of water or milk and putting back to bed or supervising him eating a banana or similar and then putting him back to bed.

If my 1 year old wakes up as early as that then like the OP I attempt to get him back to sleep anyway I can, bring him into my bed and stall for time, see if he'll go back to sleep. But if he's wide awake what else can you do but get up? If they're not going back to sleep then you're not going back to sleep so you may as well get up.
If it was 2 or 3am it would look more like going to have a play downstairs until he gets tired again and then back to bed. At 4.15 maybe would be like that as well. But in any case just bloody well suck it up and get up! The child is not currently tired!

I would have just sucked it up and gone downstairs tbh, if it’s not happening all the time. Sometimes toddlers are unable to sleep, just like adults, and it’s crap but you shouldn’t just abandon them to cry.

Also, about all this 'they need to learn night is for quiet sleeping' business. Yes they do, eventually, but knowing that night is for quiet sleeping isn't going to make them sleep. My 7 year old understands that night is for quiet sleeping but that doesn't mean she'll sleep if she wakes early and is not tired. What is a 2 year old supposed to do if they're awake and can't sleep because they're not tired? Even if they 'understand'? They're not going to just lie there quietly???

Toddlers do this sometimes. Maybe he was cold/thirsty/hungry? He doesn’t understand time yet. I’d have taken him downstairs for a little drink then taken him to my bed to hopefully settle down to snooze for a bit longer. Try telling stories or singing instead of giving your phone. Sometimes I used to put cbeebies bedtime stories on my phone and listen (not watch) to one or two then settle down again.

As a one off just having him in bed with you is no big deal and you don’t need to do anything . If it becomes a recurring problem look at things like is his bedtime too early, does he need to drop a nap if he still has one.

I think the OP is saying her son woke and wanted to go downstairs, to presumably start the day at 4 am. The OP tried to comfort her son, even took him into her bed but he didn't want comfort, he wanted to go downstairs. He hadn't woken due to night terrors, because he was hungry, or thirsty or needed a nappy change. He simply had decided it was time for him and Mummy to get up at 4 am! He cried because the OP wouldn't take him downstairs and start her day at 4 am!!!

At just over 2 years old, her son is beginning to assert himself!!

It’s the physiology of sleep - at 2:15 or 3:15 a healthy toddler should be able to get back to sleep easily enough so a parent’s job at this time is to facilitate that. By 4:15 some children are going to find it much harder to sleep again thanks to hormones / the circadian system. 10 minutes looking at a screen will make it harder still. I’m not saying I would be at all happy to be up at 4:15, but you might be fighting a losing battle.

If one of mine woke early (as opposed to the middle of the night) I’d give myself a max of 10/15mins to try and get them back to sleep (dark room, white noise, cuddles etc) and if it hadn’t worked by then I knew I was wasting my time. What I wouldn’t do is shut them in their room for 2 hours listening to them cry.

My DS is nearly 2 and has no concept of time. It’s dark when we start our day regardless of whether it’s 4 or 6am because it’s that time of year. He just knows that he’s not tired so he wants to go and play. We go down with him at that point because leaving him to cry by himself for well over an hour is not acceptable to us. Having the odd day start mega early is part of parenting and something that’s happened with all three of my kids. The older two both sleep through the night because they know mummy or daddy are right there if they need us.

You clearly think you did the right thing though so I don’t know why I’m bothering.

Unfortunately being a parent means sometimes being uncomfortable for your children.

You stay with him, saying it's still night time, come for a cuddle etc. Give him a drink or a quick snack or whatever. That's just the basics of parenting.

What you don't do is leave a toddler to cry alone for an hour.

Sometimes you have to do what you have to do. Keep up the good work I say, its not easy knowing what to do when you're stressed out by your child's crying and not wanting to set a precedent for every night. I feel for you. My DS didn't sleep and no two nights were the same so no advice really but fwiw taking him downstairs because he asked to isn't the right answer either.

Terrible twos. No reason not to go downstairs, put on TV - or recorded suitable soothing programme (is 'In the night garden' still a thing?) - make yourself tea or coffee and sit with toddler. Make sure everywhere is warm, of course. Once settled go back to bed. Do you do paid work outside the home during the day? If so you need to stop this happening but night terrors (this sounds a possibility) can be very frightening for a small child.
I know the standard advice is give a drink and a cuddle and put back to bed - rinse and repeat till child learns waking in the night is pointless - but a screaming child is distressing (even if you are pretty sure they are being manipulative which 2 year olds are perfectly capable of) so I would deal with the screaming before worrying about encouraging getting up in the night.
Poor you.

Don’t be doing that. 2.5 year olds should not be looking at phones! Especially at night.

Could you get a cd player or something and play some soft lullaby music for him?

It sounds to me like he was up and wanting to explore. It’s fine to keep him upstairs until a reasonable time.

i assume you can tell the difference between him being in genuine distress or crying because he wants something. Trust your instincts. And as other have said, you can get him a clock to start practice when wake up and get out of bed time is.

it might be good to have some quiet toys he can sit with to distract him if he true this regularly.

Put your phone away! Why would you hand an overstimulated child a highly addictive device in the middle of the night and expect him to go back to sleep.

Exactly but I expect you'll get a 'what the fuck' as well 😆

I would not let any of my children cry if they just need me. All you taught him is that you will ignore him if he's sad.

there is a stark difference between sad, unwell, in pain, wet, afraid (all of which are understandable) and 'angry because I am not getting what I want'.
Notwithstanding the non parenting 'just whip a phone out' strategy which has probable contributed to this problem.

He was crying because he wanted to go downstairs or watch your phone . You need to put a stop to this now or he will carry on every morning at 4am playing up as he’s learnt he gets to watch the phone in your bed now if he cries at that time. You need to keep going back into his room and tell him no go to sleep it’s not time to get up and don’t take him out of his bed or into your bed for entertainment or he will carry on!

all of you lot going on about night terrors can you not read the op?!?! There is nothing in this that shows its night terrors! It’s a small child who’s woken up early and wants to go downstairs/watch tv or whatever when it’s too early!

My DS is like this. He sometimes wakes up in the middle of the night and decides it’s time to wake up. We go in resettle him (tuck him in, tap him, give him water or his toy). I will see if he resettled and if he’s still crying we sometimes put him into our bed.

Quite often he does not settle in our bed and just wriggles around. Then I will move him back into his bed and he will cry. I will go back and check in but ultimately we say to him it’s not wake up time and it’s bedtime. Usually a long night but we do get to a point where it’s you just need to go to sleep and eventually he falls back asleep.