Cried for 90 mins

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Last night my little one woke and was creaming at 4.15am. I thought something was wrong but he just wanted to go downstairs. I tried to comfort him in my arms but nothing was settling him. Took him in my bed which he rarely comes into and we watched my phone. Probably shouldn't have done that but I can't stand his crying.

He wasn't sleeping but it was nice to have him under the duvet with me.

After 10 mins I put him back in his cot and his room. Same issue occured again - crying to go downstairs.

I just left him in the cot until he eventually slept at 6am.

I did go in one or twice into the room but honestly I can't settle him when he wants to go downstairs and I told him it's dark outside.

I was watching him on the room camera so he wasn't in any danger.

Did I do the wrong thing? Next door is hard of hearing so won't wake him. I live just with toddler.

I don't know if you missed that they no longer do this. I have to drag them out of bed these days, they are clever, funny, well attached kids - the 4/5am get ups have had no long term damage.

And no, not screens. We played, read, listened to music etc. as we would do most mornings whatever time we got up.

Why did you assume that we were watching TV for 3 hours?

Well not minimal effort for 3 hours. In that time the kid would either get tired enough to go back to bed or you will have started to feel more alive.

Reporting this

I worked full time when mine were 2. If I got up and played/read with them at 4am for 3/4 hours then headed off to drop them at nursery at 8, then an hour commute, then work all day - back at 6.30/7 pm. I would have been broken and on my knees. As would my children after a full day at nursery.

A 4am wake up would not have worked for us. I still don’t think it’s healthy for anyone. That’s merely my opinion.

What about the rest of the day? I’m not feeling alive at my desk at 5pm if I’ve been up since 4am!!

I feel like while millennials are MUCH better parents than our boomer counterparts, they’re very prone to slipping into martyr territory.
Letting children dictate what time morning is to the detriment of everyone’s health and happiness is crazy.

Quite!

Get one of those glow clocks with the stars on. Groclock. Helps with the early rising kid.

You should be ashamed of yourself. An hour of your 2 year old crying himself to sleep?

You disgust me.

Oh believe me I accepted that it would be better if I was in bed, but I wasn't, I was parenting. It didn't last forever and I would not leave my children to cry for an hour and a half. Who is sleeping through crying? So you're still up but both miserable.

No bother 👍

Yeah I don't either, I regularly don't get enough sleep. I love my kids though and I've never left them alone to cry. That's more important to me than getting good sleep for the couple of years that they still sleep badly for. I suck it up and I manage and I get a decent night's sleep on the better nights.

I was on my knees, I admit it, but I would never have left them to cry for over an hour as i couldn't physically stand it - I was also still breastfeeding at 2.5. I wouldn't be sleeping anyway. It also didn't last forever. You can have your opinion, like I had mine, it's absolutely fine.

If he was awake from 4-6 I’d say he wasn’t tired and eventually exhausted himself out and fell back asleep after all the crying. You definitely woke him up even more by showing him your phone. I sleep trained my little boy so I’m not against crying, but I wouldn’t leave him for 90 minutes. My little boy has been waking up at 5 for a few days but I’m pretty sure he’s getting his back molars and they irritate him early in the morning as he goes into a light sleep, I just have to get up and start the day.

Mine never cried for more than a few minutes with a bit of settling. Then we were back to 7am.

Sleep is so important for everyone. And also having good sleep habits. Learning to settle back to sleep etc.

It’s ridiculous.

Children need proper routines and boundaries. Bedtime and morning times are set. 6:30 to 6:30 or 7 to 7, whatever.

Non-negotiable.

Lots of love and hugs and kisses and attention during the day. Bedtime. Go to sleep. If unsettled in the night, no in, reassure, leave. Quickly, quietly.

No faffing, in and out of parents’ bed, upstairs/downstairs, getting up AT FOUR OR FIVE AM, no.

Everyone is happier when they have a proper amount of sleep.

It’s about them getting a good night sleep and developing good sleep habits. It’s your job as a parent to help with this….

Hilarious how everyone being sleep deprived for years is better than a few nights of a bit of crying (with constant reassurance). Bizarre.

Well you did change your mind earlier and concede that it's possible for a toddler to have had enough sleep by 4/5am. "They're all different" remember?

I will never understand this.

Bit of crying (through defiance, not distress) for 2/3 nights vs years of rubbish sleep and dependence on a parent to sleep. I think that’s pretty neglectful.

Yep. Can’t quite believe what im
reading here.

It’s poor parenting and it’s our job to make sure our children have sufficient sleep…

Of course children dictate what time morning is to some extent. If you wanted to lie in on the weekend would you leave your children in their cots until you were ready to get up? You can’t have children and just expect life to go on exactly as it did before. I used to have dinner around 8:30pm before I had children but they obviously couldn’t eat that late so we dine much earlier now. Was I allowing them to dictate to me, or just making reasonable adjustments?

No I said I disagree with anybody getting up at 4am. Some kids may need a bit less sleep but 4am is not a good idea for anyone.

You minimise it by saying 'a bit of crying', 90mins isn't 'a bit'. And 2-3 nights is just guesswork. What's the indication that they would learn after 2-3 nights? As someone said a long way upthread, not even people who advocate for sleep training say you should do it in the morning.