Cried for 90 mins

[draft123]

Last night my little one woke and was creaming at 4.15am. I thought something was wrong but he just wanted to go downstairs. I tried to comfort him in my arms but nothing was settling him. Took him in my bed which he rarely comes into and we watched my phone. Probably shouldn't have done that but I can't stand his crying.

He wasn't sleeping but it was nice to have him under the duvet with me.

After 10 mins I put him back in his cot and his room. Same issue occured again - crying to go downstairs.

I just left him in the cot until he eventually slept at 6am.

I did go in one or twice into the room but honestly I can't settle him when he wants to go downstairs and I told him it's dark outside.

I was watching him on the room camera so he wasn't in any danger.

Did I do the wrong thing? Next door is hard of hearing so won't wake him. I live just with toddler.

4am is still nighttime in my mind. In fact I’d treat 5am like nighttime. That’s the whole point! It’s not healthy to start your day at 4am unless the child has gone to bed at 4pm.

The OP has said he woke up because he wanted to go downstairs and he was throwing a tantrum because he couldn’t. It’s highly patronising for you to challenge this. She was there and knows her own child. You can disagree with how she dealt with it. But not what actually happened.

You can’t say ‘going downstairs wasn’t the reason he woke’. How do you know? OP is saying that is what he wanted….

It’s not a nice place is it - I wonder if the same posters would say the same things if not hidden a screen.

It certainly doesn’t feel very representative of real life

Sounds like he cares even less for not being able to watch television at 4am.

Because that's what it was about, I reckon. He wanted to go downstairs because that's where the TV is, the phone distracted him briefly but he wanted to have Bluey or whatever on.

Apologies if this has already been suggested or discussed but have you got a gro clock? Both my DC had them from 18 months and took away the demand of me telling them to go back to bed as “Mr Sun says it’s still bedtime so we can’t get up yet”. I know they’re all different but it worked a treat with mine. They still have them now at 7 and 10 and wont get rid of them 😂

You can't literally wake up because you want to go downstairs. You can only want that once you're up.

I wouldnt do it personally. He was probably wide awake after moving around and seeing the phone (reasonable choice to settle the crying, if hysterical potentially from a nightmare I would do the same)
But personally I would've laid him down and let him fall asleep watching it in the bed then moved him back to his bed once asleep, and then if it happened again soon and he didnt seem unwell I would avoid the phone to settle and just cuddle him to sleep.

If its unusual for him id assume he was coming down with something (over the years we've noticed they are generally in the worst mood about 12 hours before cold symptoms start!) or had a nightmare.

However its not going to do any harm for one night, I'd just plan not to do it again personally.

Everyone wakes up in the night. For no reason. He woke up for no reason and then decided he wanted to go downstairs- hence the problem.

It’s how that is dealt with that the disagreement is in here. Night waking is normal - you reassure and keep everything boring. Or you give in and start your day at 4am.

To quote you "Understand why they woke up’. OP has said why he woke up - because he wanted to go downstairs"

You would use a phone screen to settle from a nightmare?

Why? That’s mental.

Ok he woke up and decided he wanted to go downstairs. Agree. But we don’t need to ‘work out why he woke up’. Everyone wakes up in the night - it’s the fact he woke up and then wanted to go downstairs. So not in distress, ill, cold, night terror, hungry.

I’m just going to have to disagree with you here, OP’s replies were arsey and almost aggressive right from the off. No wonder she got people’s backs up. If she’d in any way conceded that the situation had been badly managed then I think she would have found this thread a lot more supportive and helpful.

Wanting to go downstairs to watch TV ( if that has happened previously at 4am - not saying it has )could absolutely be a reason for kids waking early. They stir and instead of going back to sleep they know if they kick up a bit of fuss they get 2 hours of TV and time on the sofa with Mum. If they wake and know that won’t happen - they go back to sleep…

@draft123

NIGHT TERRORS

Common, but weird. The child appears 100% awake. Eyes wide open. And seems to know who you are. But are asleep. Ds used to have this all the time when 2 and 3. Especially when tired, excited or a bit fevered with a cold etc. Ds’s episodes were characterised by wanting to go downstairs, back up and so on.

The advice we had was to not engage or provide stimulation. Just stay near ( in case of sleepwalking) and calm till it passed.

He could be having too many naps in the day. We won't know now the op has left. I don't blame her for not returning to the witch trials.

She doesn’t have to accept a judgement, but she might want to consider an opinion without dismissing it out of hand. Otherwise what was the point of starting the thread?

We’re going round in circles - he didn’t wake because he wanted to go downstairs. How can a desire to go downstairs wake someone up? It’s not a physical sensation like hunger or thirst or needing the loo. He woke for some other reason and then subsequently wanted to go downstairs.

I don’t dispute that he then had a tantrum if that’s what the OP says. But the way to deal with a tantrum - whatever time of the day or night - can never be to chuck them in a cot and ignore them for 90 minutes. I have no doubt that after 90 minutes of this treatment that his distress would have been very genuine, no matter what it started out as.

Fake tears for two hours 😱

Everyone wakes multiple times a night.
Clearly when he woke, he decided it was time to go downstairs. But it wasn’t time to go downstairs, it was time to fall back to sleep.

2 year olds very much can get themselves worked up in to a tantrum for hours. It happens in the day so why not in the night.

The trick is to not get up and start your day at 4am. You can pop in sporadically to reassure. Keeping the room dark and talking minimal.

I would have gone in, cuddled, offered a drink, changed nappy and laid him back down with my hand on his back for a bit. Then left the room. I would have let him cry and then settled him and left the room again. With minimal talking, singing or eye contact.

4am is too early, to be going downstairs or be flaffing about with phones (which woke him up more). If you put them in your bed they will get up in the night - expecting to get into your bed. To each their own but I could NEVER sleep with a little one in the bed. I just hated being squashed between my boiling hot DH and fidgety toddler. Lots of parents do it, then complain when their 7 year old still wont settle in their own bloody bed and they're knackered.

I think 5am is the given time to accept your wake up with a toddler. Shit as it is.

Hopefully its a little phase, but if you dont stick to your guns this will be the expectation every morning.

Because if theyre inconsolable about it then it gives them something else to focus on and think about so they can stop crying and hopefully get back to sleep without getting themselves too worked up to settle again.

You can’t wave a magic wand and make someone who is wide awake fall back asleep. As evidenced by OP’s child who didn’t manage to get back to sleep until 2 hours later presumably due to sheer exhaustion.

Anyway, I don’t dispute that 4:15 is not an acceptable time to wake for the day. I just massively disagree with OP’s way of dealing with it.

Children have tantrums for two hours?

Nope. Not convinced at all.

Yeah I have to say I’ve never experienced a 2 hour tantrum in a NT child, either mine or anyone else’s! Maybe I’ve just been lucky 🤷🏻‍♀️