Cried for 90 mins

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Last night my little one woke and was creaming at 4.15am. I thought something was wrong but he just wanted to go downstairs. I tried to comfort him in my arms but nothing was settling him. Took him in my bed which he rarely comes into and we watched my phone. Probably shouldn't have done that but I can't stand his crying.

He wasn't sleeping but it was nice to have him under the duvet with me.

After 10 mins I put him back in his cot and his room. Same issue occured again - crying to go downstairs.

I just left him in the cot until he eventually slept at 6am.

I did go in one or twice into the room but honestly I can't settle him when he wants to go downstairs and I told him it's dark outside.

I was watching him on the room camera so he wasn't in any danger.

Did I do the wrong thing? Next door is hard of hearing so won't wake him. I live just with toddler.

I do have two children. They did sleep well. I was lucky. But the odd time they woke up at 4/5am they were putback to bed and told it was night time. And repeat. Then they’d go back to sleeping normal hours.

’Understand why they woke up’. OP has said why he woke up - because he wanted to go downstairs. Or do we just let two year tantrums dictate our lives these days. Maybe I am old school. It was 16 years ago.

Everybody wakes up in the night. Adults do. It’s normal. There doesn’t need to be a reason. We do all need to learn to go back to sleep when we wake up. Not tantrum to get up.

I wouldn’t have left them for hours crying. I would have kept popping back in. Keeping the light off, reassuring that it was nighttime and time to go back to sleep. Keep it all boring. In my mind 4am is the same as 1am. What do you all do if they wake wanting to go downstairs at 1am? You get up then?!

It isn't ideal, we want babies to develop an understanding of the world where their parent will consistently respond to their needs. As a one off there's probably no harm done, but I would try to avoid doing it regularly.

You are fixed on the crying being because they wanted to go downstairs, but you can't know that. 2 is too young to be manipulating you, there was something they needed (even if it was just comfort) and they were communicating it in the only way they can.

I said in no way did I agree with bringing him i. to her bed and getting the phone out. In fact nobody on this thread has said that was a good idea (and I think you know that).

I would also personally have popped in regularly. But I would have kept it boring, dark with little talking. You just repeat ‘Mummy’s here but it’s still nighttime - go back to sleep’. And repeat. You do not get up and put the TV on….

I think the comments have become more intense because OP didn’t seem to want to listen to them.

What was wrong with just going downstairs? 5am isn't early for some people to be up, fully rested, and going about their days.

Perhaps he is an early person?

Is there not a sofa, television, some places where he could have rested without him getting out if he decided to nap? Isn't there somewhere close by in the same room, if you were tired too?

A child left crying for 90 minutes ..even if you're allegedly checking on him .is unacceptable. Anything could have been wrong. Plus, you have neighbors, anybody could have been riding or strolling by and could have reported you.

If you're extremely overwhelmed and exhausted, perhaps you might look into someone coming to care for him a few hours or something...

Taking your frustration and exhaustion out on him isn't right. He isn't responsible for your decision to have him.

Why should she accept your judgement.

“Watching on the camera” is leaving him alone and sticking you head in twice in 90 minutes doesn’t really cut it with a 2 year old.

No 4.15am (or 5, OP keeps changing her mind) isn’t a standard wake up time but it’s not unusual for 2 year olds to occasionally wake up an hour or 2 earlier than their parents would like.

What utter ridiculous whataboutism. Of course 4am (or 5am, OP changes her mind) isn’t the same as 1am.

At 4am a 2 year old has had 8/9/10 hours sleep depending on when they went down. Parenting that’s “the middle of the night” when most people are up and ready for the day at 5/6/7am is obtuse.

If my child wakes at 1 I try very hard to get him back to sleep, by bringing him into my bed and trying to cuddle him to sleep and usually that works. But if it's obvious it isn't working then we get up and play with toys and shortly he'll seem tired enough to go back to bed.

Erm because she asked directly if she did anything wrong, in the topic called Am I Being Unreasonable.

I wouldn't waste your time asking anything on here OP. The majority of mumsnetters are batshit. They mostly think you should co sleep until they are 10 and not let them cry for even 5 seconds... The same people who then complain they haven't slept for 10 years or had 5 minutes to themselves and are run ragged. What you did is fine and is normal

You take it literally. People did warn me about this site it's like a witch hunt rather than a place of support for new parents.

At 4:15 you know pretty quickly which way it’s going to go in terms of back to sleep or awake for the day imo. If sleep isn’t happening I don’t see much point in leaving them in their cot. As a one off early wake up it’s not going to set a habit. Mine have woken at silly o clock a handful of times when they were younger, usually for a good reason like the duvet fell off and they were cold. My eldest could never ever get back to sleep if it was after 4:30/5 so we just started the day then. We’d keep it quiet. We don’t do TV in the mornings anyway so not an issue. He’d be back to his usual 6:30 wake ups after that no problem.

I don’t blame her though - it was an immediate pile on and all so judgemental and nasty. So she’s tried to defend herself. But there’s literally no point on here.

I’ve been on the receiving end before and it doesn’t matter what you say there’s always someone ready to pick it apart - you cannot win.

I don’t understand the mentality of seemingly delighting in someone’s misery. This poor lady was probably feeling guilty and questioning herself and all this post has probably done is make her feel ten times worse! It’s completely unacceptable

We may not agree or do things differently but in the moment it’s not always that simple or easy especially in the middle of the night! And even then we can respond and give advice that disagrees without being horrible about it.

I personally think it is wrong. I'd never leave my baby crying for 90 mins. Makes me very sad to think about tbh.
But I'm sure lots will agree with your methods.

Please explain why you think either of those things should have been taken figuratively.

My first born was up at 5am everyday. You don't get to choose their wake up time, they do!

4am can very much be treated like the middle of the night. And should be. It’s not healthy for any child or adult to get up at that time. As parents we do have responsibility to ensure our children are getting enough sleep.

By all means tweak naps and put them to bed later/earlier or whatever works. But it’s not healthy to encourage 4am wake ups for the family.

It’s bad parenting to get up and put the TV on that time…

5am we can beg to differ. But I still don’t think that’s enough sleep for most young children. Unless of course they’re in bed asleep by 5/6pm. Which if they are at nursery can’t be happening.

Agree.

Somehow it’s healthier as a family to have broken sleep and 4am wake ups for year after year…

If he is used to being soothed by watching videos on the phone or a tablet then this is probably why he had a meltdown & asked to go downstairs. What he was really saying was I want to go downstairs & I will settle when you let me watch videos. Unfortunately children of all ages become addicted and if still at the toddler stage & they're not ill, in pain, hungry, thirsty or needing a change of nappy this may well be your answer.

No we aren't a "bizarre bunch" we simply know how to parent our children appropriately and don't agree with leaving a 2 year old to cry for an hour and half! Give your head a wobble

Going downstairs isn’t the reason he woke up. He will have woken up for some other reason, and now he is awake he wants to go downstairs. OP is not required to take him downstairs if she doesn’t want to, but that doesn’t mean the only other alternative is to ignore him crying for 90 minutes.

16 years is hardly old school. I’m in my 40s and my own mother would never have left me to cry alone in my cot. I don’t think even her own mother would have either.

No you don’t get up at 1AM because it’s NOT THE SAME. Hormonally. 4:15 is still insanely early I agree and I would definitely be trying very hard to get them back to sleep at this time. And that certainly wouldn’t involve screen time or leaving them to cry. But for some kids it’s not going to happen. One of mine would go back to sleep no problem after a bit of a cuddle. The other would be a struggle. I would try for a bit but if it wasn’t happening after a while (and bare in mind it would be getting closer to 5am by this point) then yes I’d give up and accept we were up for the day. It had no affect whatsoever on subsequent mornings and I can thankfully count on one hand how many of these early starts we had.

I’m the same myself, if something wakes me up after 4 there’s a good chance I’m not getting back to sleep.

A one-off 4:15 wake-up doesn’t equal years of broken sleep, how are you getting to that?

Oh don't worry OP - it's hardly the end of the world is it? You're a single parent and you've got to take yourself into consideration with every decision because there's no-one to pick up the pieces if you are too tired to function. Plus it's best for your DS if he gets enough sleep...yes some kids wake at 5am but it only continues if you don't train them out of it.

I'll tell you what a shit parents is if you like?

One that leaves their toddler to cry for 90 mins.