Cried for 90 mins

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Last night my little one woke and was creaming at 4.15am. I thought something was wrong but he just wanted to go downstairs. I tried to comfort him in my arms but nothing was settling him. Took him in my bed which he rarely comes into and we watched my phone. Probably shouldn't have done that but I can't stand his crying.

He wasn't sleeping but it was nice to have him under the duvet with me.

After 10 mins I put him back in his cot and his room. Same issue occured again - crying to go downstairs.

I just left him in the cot until he eventually slept at 6am.

I did go in one or twice into the room but honestly I can't settle him when he wants to go downstairs and I told him it's dark outside.

I was watching him on the room camera so he wasn't in any danger.

Did I do the wrong thing? Next door is hard of hearing so won't wake him. I live just with toddler.

How has he been helped to adjust by being left to cry for that long? He was still awake the whole time so his body clock will still recognise that he woke at 4.

It’s you that seems to be struggling to follow the timeline of the OP

‘Trapped in his cot - alone and in the dark’ 😂

He was safe in a warm bed. There’s nothing wrong with keeping it dark at nighttime. Strangely it helps with sleep.

Most parents can distinguish between a tantrum and genuine illness/distress. So let’s not judge the OP on that. She’s his Mum.

Giving in to tantrums and getting up at 4am may be some people’s idea of good parenting.

But sleep is important and you can influence body clocks. What do you think happens when you go to a different time zone? You don’t keep getting up at 4am UK time….

Some people need less sleep that’s true. But nobody needs to be getting up at 4am for the day. That’s unhealthy and as parents we can help with sleep patterns and habits.

You get up at 4am and put the TV on? Yep that’s one way to have an ‘early riser’ for a long time.

I find it so odd that people are overprotective of children crying at night but are perfectly rational during the day and understand that kids cry because they want what they can't have.

My child has cried for a whole hour because I would let her grab the scissors. Over the top tantrum but obviously I wasn't going to hand them over!

You can do the distraction/cuddling/feeding tricks but if they're stubborn toddlers they can go for a very long time. It doesn't make you a bad parent if you don't give your child what they want when it's not appropriate for them to have it.

OP my advice next time is to cuddle until calm, put them back in their bed, say goodnight or whatever you say when you leave the room and go out. And repeat this until your DC gives in and goes to sleep. This sets the expectation that mummy is there for them but they don't get what they want. After a few nights of this they learn the lesson.

Getting up will reinforce to him that 4am is day time. Not getting up will reinforce to him that 4am is night time.

God it’s exhausting here.

She did deal with him and then she put him back to bed. Is this AIBU? Only a few has given good advice the rest is pure judgement.

Actually staying in bed and in the dark will have an influence. It’s getting up, looking at bright lights and eating for example is what influences circadian rhythms.

You also have the reward of getting up in the middle of the night and watching TV, having breakfast etc. This only perpetuates the issue.

Some people might be happy to get up and start their day at 4am every day. But the OP is not.

The thread is in AIBU? It won't end until they fill it up with pure judgement.

I know right?!

You don’t adjust it by leaving them to cry in the mornings. You adjust it by making sure they get plenty of exposure to sunlight in the afternoons to regulate melatonin and cortisol, no screens before bed and a calm, consistent routine. Adjusting nap times etc.

He doesn't know it's 4am! He doesn't understand about time! He can't learn that 4am is day time because he doesn't know what 4am is! All he knows is he's awake now and he can't sleep and nobody's doing anything about it.

I do actually find it difficult tbh 😂

It didn't help though did it, it didn't help him go to sleep.

Ok fair enough I’ve misread - I still don’t think it’s for all the judgement and mean comments.

She probably knows it wasn’t the perfect thing to do - hence asking on here.

We’ve all done things maybe we shouldn’t have but sometimes sanity comes first. He wasn’t at risk

What should an exhausted single parent do?

100%

think a lot of people do! isn't that where those sunlight alarm clocks got invented?! and the whole seasonal affective disorder thing

Takes a few nights of consistency. Or you can just get up at 4….

4am should be treated the same as 1am.

We don’t actually know what happened the following night.

Do you even have children? I assume you do to be on this thread but you seem to have absolutely no empathy or understanding of how a 2 year old’s mind works.

No one is suggesting that 4:15 is a good time to get up but once it’s happened, it’s done. No point trying to reverse time. Best thing to do is to try and understand why they woke up and prevent it from happening again the next day. It’s sounds from OP’s post that this is not a daily occurrence.

It’s perfectly possible to be with your child when they wake and comfort them without it becoming a ‘thing’.

OP clearly has some reservations about how she handled it, or she wouldn’t have started this thread in the first place.

Lie on the sofa while the kid potters about. Go back to bed when he gets tired. Same amount of sleep for both of them and less distress. The OP didn't actually get any sleep by doing what she did.

Agreed!

It's a shame op had a pile on I would have asked what the nap routine was in the day. He may need to drop a nap or have it earlier. The self righteous came on instead.

It will be a lot harder for anyone to get back to sleep at 4am vs 1am so they are not quite the same thing. But even at 1am… I’m going to go into my crying child and comfort them, not leave them crying for 90mins. Even the Ferber method would a) have you going in every few mins to begin with and b) tell you not to dream of starting sleep training at 4AM because the sleep pressure just isn’t high enough.

Plus I don’t think there’s a sleep consultant in the world who would recommend 10mins watching a phone then throwing them back in the cot at 4:30 and shutting the door

If he wasn’t in pain, or needing anything, nothing wrong with letting him get over it.