Cried for 90 mins

[draft123]

Last night my little one woke and was creaming at 4.15am. I thought something was wrong but he just wanted to go downstairs. I tried to comfort him in my arms but nothing was settling him. Took him in my bed which he rarely comes into and we watched my phone. Probably shouldn't have done that but I can't stand his crying.

He wasn't sleeping but it was nice to have him under the duvet with me.

After 10 mins I put him back in his cot and his room. Same issue occured again - crying to go downstairs.

I just left him in the cot until he eventually slept at 6am.

I did go in one or twice into the room but honestly I can't settle him when he wants to go downstairs and I told him it's dark outside.

I was watching him on the room camera so he wasn't in any danger.

Did I do the wrong thing? Next door is hard of hearing so won't wake him. I live just with toddler.

but pp hasn't mentioned dayLIGHT she said daytime.

The majority of settings - educational, professional, retail etc work around a rough 9-5 schedule.

Some start at 8 and finish at 6.

School clubs are normally done by 4.30.

Lots of people work shifts or long days bit its fair to say that most operating hours fall within the 8-6 window.

Which means people generally get up a certain time before to get fed, washed and dressed before leaving and doing our primary objective. We call that day time. It has no baring on the location of the sun or moon, or the moon, who has been known to hang around long past her bedtime.

Then that finishes and its roughly speaking night time. Whilst in general its linked with sunrise and sunset, we all know that geography and clock changes mean this isn't actually realistic and night-time begins regardless of the position of the sun.
hth

Op is a single parent it must be tough and tiring for her.

Who decides how much sleep they need? I would say that they do.

The fact that in the UK we need to be up by 7 to start work at 9 has nothing to do with biology. A child that wakes naturally at 6AM will not benefit from being left to cry for an hour before their parents get up. If they need more sleep, then they should be put to bed earlier. As I said before, you can encourage them to sleep longer, but you can’t force them.

Sorry, am I reading this right? You left your two year old to cry alone for 90 minutes total, whilst you watched him on the baby monitor? And maybe went in twice, so that could have been 45 mins crying by himself each time?

Yes of course you were wrong!

So instead of getting up with him at 4/5am you just lay in bed listening to him scream for an hour and half? Because it’s “too early” to be awake?

Literally what is the point in that? Neither of you slept. You just wanted to teach him a lesson and he’s TWO. No he wasn’t “having a tantrum”. He’d woken up. In the morning. As people do. His body clock woke him up.

Tough titties being woken up at 4/5am in part of parenting TWO year olds.

@draft123I’ve not seen anyone else consider this but could it be that he wants to be out of his room because of the baby monitor/camera? There’s a remote chance he could be being repeatedly woken up if someone has hijacked it. It happened to my friend and her toddler went from sleeping well to being tired and tearful for months until she heard talking in his room one evening, which stopped as soon as she entered (as she was visible on camera). Scared the life out of her but she reset everything and he instantly went back to being a good sleeper. Might be worth turning off the WiFi, unplugging the camera/monitor and resetting the password just to be safe.
Sorry if someone else has said this as I haven’t read all the comments. Nothing to lose by doing it though.

Oh for gods sake why are you being so dramatic OP clearly said child was brought to her bed and she went in child’s room a couple of times.

Being in their own bedroom in their own bed is hardly being trapped alone and in the dark like they’re being held hostage.

We all know toddlers can be irrational and hard work - I’m also a single parent and I’ve had to get strict with my DS who has just turned 3 as he is pushing boundaries and learning what works for him. Sometimes that means putting him in his room and locking the baby gate and let him cry for a bit. He’s safe, but he isn’t listening and we have to break the momentum.

Sorry we’re not all perfect loving mums like you clearly are 🙄

Is “a bit” 90 minutes and is it because he’s dared to wake up for the day in the morning?

Ditto.

Alternatives to this scenario would have been - reading him a few stories, patting, singing etc until he's ready to go back to sleep (no screen time necessary), putting some soothing stories on in his room and sitting with him, putting some stories on and leaving him if he's happy to listen to them, getting up with him and trying to put him down again after an hour or so (maybe giving a drink of warm milk etc).

Plenty of options that don't involve your small child crying by themselves in the dark.

It was healthy for mine and I don’t regret a day of it.

Does nobody on here actually read?

She clearly said she took child into her bed and when she put child back in their own bed she popped in a couple times and watched on the camera.

I honestly do not understand this forum sometimes - why is everyone so quick to jump on another parent and immediately assume the worst. It’s so judgemental and completely unhelpful.

Not a single person that exists is a perfect parent - advice can be given kindly even if it’s a disagreement.

Tell that to farmers who get up at 4am to start their day. We don’t all work in an office.

What’s that got to do with my post?

OP you've posted this in AIBU....perhaps ask MNHQ to move your thread to Parenting threads or something.

It was just an example - OP didn’t say he was left alone for 90 minutes. She went in the room and was watching on the camera.

4.15am is hardly a standard morning wake up time

OP ‘clearly’ said that the child was brought into her bed for 10 minutes of phone time, after which he was put back in the cot for the 90minute period during which she checked on him ‘once or twice’.

Putting your child behind the gate to cry for a few moments while you take some deep breaths - we’ve all done something like that at some point. It’s a million miles away from 90minutes in a cot while you go back to bed.

We’re you a single mum?

Read again it is 90mins. OP says he woke at 4:15, went into her bed initially but was put back into cot after 10mins. Where she left him until he fell asleep at 6, checking on him once or twice.

Unless something is wrong with him then it's fake tears. The op being a single parent has to use her energy wisely and not pander to every tantrum.

I don't know what you do with your children, but I have never allowed mine to cry for an extended period of time.

The biology part is the part where we can adjust given the right environment

majority

most

generally

do you need me to define those words?

no one is claiming a universal time limit on daytime and night-time. but in general society, most people can generally come to an approximate consensus on which hours fall into daytime and night-time.

no one would consider midnight as day time.
no one would consider midday as night time.

if you're a farmer, you might consider 4 am as daytime, if you work in a bar it is probably definitely nighttime.

if you're toddler is crying and in distress, you should deal with them regardless of whether its night time, day time, you're a farmer or a barmaid or both.

which definitely isn't alone in the dark for over and hour