I can't tell if it is lovely that my dad has this friend, or concerning?

[Pollinaa]

My dad is 70, my mum passed rather suddenly in 2021. He was a professor for many years, often kept in touch with past students, he adored his job. In 2023 he decided to retire. My sister and I live very far away from him, I'm in the North East of Scotland, my sister is in Cornwall, we both have young families, we try to visit my dad at least once every other month each in London, so he should always have a monthly visiter, even if just for one night.

I have taken a couple of days off work to come and see him this week, he was showing me his Christmas gifts, and mentioned one from a woman I didn't recognise. I asked, he told me she was one of the last students he taught and they have remained friends, she has taken a job instead of pursuing a PHD right now so they enjoy some intellectual sparring.
She is 25, and she isn't from the UK so no family local. He told me he sees her about once a fortnight, often with her charming partner (his words). He mentioned she has a piano and plays guitar and is a beautiful player and singer. They exchange thoughts and any writing they have done, she takes him to talks as he has lost some confidence going out and about alone.

I can't tell if this is something I should be concerned about, or if I should just be glad he has a lovely friend. He has other friends he goes to the pub with.

I am partially worried she might have bad intentions and be looking for money, but I have no basis for that fear.

AIBU to worry?

Yea but what indicates a scam other than age with this is? Nothing. A presumably very intelligent man is living his life.

Also agree with a previous poster, there was an exact same story a few months ago with an Italian couple and an aunt I think

A very similar situation. Must be an epidemic of cross age friendship in London

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5412532-aunts-friendship-with-young-couple

Academics deal with all of those things. Scams exist in every realm of life and it’s you that is naive and detached to think that they don’t. A very common one in academia is unsolicited emails from predatory journals. Departments run on realpolitik as much as anywhere else, an academic career these days is sadly a constant competitive scramble for money. And not sure what the relevance of twenty year olds not knowing what bins are but dealing with students who struggling or are experiencing culture shock is certainly a big part of the job.

As is having enriching interesting conversations with people of all ages, and staying in touch with past colleagues and students because of a shared interest.

70 not that old these days really. My parents only really started to decline a bit after 80. They were fit and well up until then.

Agree with this.

Oh give over. I bought all of my supervisors books when I finished my degrees as a thank you present, they were all over the moon and I have also received some books and things like flowers and chocolates from supervisees. It’s a completely normal thing to do, like getting a colleague who is leaving a gift or even a teacher at school. It doesn’t mean they want to fuck me or want to run away with my non-existent savings.

I have also given a couple of books away when it made sense to I.e when I’ve had meetings with students and they have been expressing a desire to express x in their work and I have a book on my shelf that fits perfectly.

Academics and former students have friendships and it’s allowed. I still talk to my PhD supervisor and meet for coffee occasionally too.

I know of 3 elderly people who gave away property in their Wills to much younger people who befriended them in their 70s.

Disinheriting their own family.

2 were gardeners and one a businessman.

Maybe all innocent but i think its a bit odd that someone who is 25 is taking such an interest in an old man.

Maybe all innocent but i think its a bit odd that someone who is 25 is taking such an interest in an old man.

She was his student. Presumably she respected and admired him.

"he told me she was one of the last students he taught and they have remained friends, she has taken a job instead of pursuing a PHD right now so they enjoy some intellectual sparring."

Does everyone who thinks intergenerational friendships are inherently suspect only value their friends for their looks, or only have an interest in whatever is unique to their particular stage of life? Do you not enjoy talking about books, or politics, or anything other than a very narrow range of age specific preoccupations? You’re missing out on the different perspectives that growing up in different eras brings as well, talking to people a few decades older or younger broadens your perspective. Many older people have travelled pre-internet, done interesting jobs, seen long gone aspects of the world, been to countries that no longer exist, made discoveries or written books, brought up children… why would you preemptively decide there’s nothing to base a friendship on unless you have the exact same number of wrinkles and grey hairs?

When I read your thread title I thought I might be quite suspicious of the relationship, but having read your posts, I'm not. He's 70 not 90, and has plenty of friends. He sees an old student once a fortnight. She doesn't seem to have done anything odd or unusual, and as you say you have no reason to think she has bad intentions. Be glad he has another friend.

I did an MA with a professor I really liked and would love to still be in touch with her, but sadly she died some time ago. But at nearly 70 I am still perfectly capable of choosing my friends and gauging their intentions, without anyone having to worry about me.

Not seeing the problem. You keep saying ‘every time’ on other posts too, and that’s clearly not the case. Does this post indicate you’ve accepted that?