To be furious at my ‘supposedly’ best friend?

[missblueberrypie]

My ‘’best friend’’ is getting married in a few months. We’ve known each other since primary school and we always had an agreement that when we get married we would have each other as our maid of honours. I kept up my end of the bargain when I married my DWife three years ago. I fully expected that I would receive the same honour but apparently not. I found out that I will be a bridesmaid whilst her sister is the maid of honour. I might be overreacting but I am quite upset and frankly furious. I thought we knew each other better than this and I don’t know if the relationship will ever be the same tbh. I was even more heartbroken when she said that the reason behind this snub is the fact that I am pregnant and would not be able to put 100% effort into wedding planning. What should I do going forward?

If I was living my life by the things I "decided" in secondary school my children would be called Sandra and Gary.

You’re still a bridesmaid. Why don’t you offer her sister help with the hen do or any other aspect of the day? Don’t ruin a friendship for this nonsense.

I'm 66 and in my experience brides have always had all or mostly adult bridesmaids, it's hardly "the current fashion". They might have had a flowergirl, but that is not a bridesmaid.

🤣 well if she did that, I can understand the OP being like she is. You never break a pinkie promise!! 😁

Just ask to be included in some of the planning, I'm sure it won't be an issue. My DH's close friend shared the best man duties between two of his friends. DH organised the stag and a couple of other bits and another friend was in charge of the rings and speeches.

It sounds like your friend is being considerate and not wanting you to feel stressed with organising things whilst you're pregnant. Also, it's her sister and not like a new friend she's just made. I'm sure she wouldn't want you to feel left out, so speak to her about wanting to be involved rather than raging without her being aware she's upset you.

She's still her sister, with whom she shares a whole wealth of childhood memories of all those Christmases, family holidays, family customs, family jokes etc. She really cannot sideline her as MOH.

Well no, you're supposed to report it if that's what you think. Have you?

What the hell is wrong with you? Do you talk like this in real life? Unlikely , you wouldn't have the nerve im guessing.

Op, so sorry you're getting the brunt of it here. You clearly pointed out you had her as yours and shes also mentioned your pregancy as being an issue which is awful really. Alot of ppl on here just want to be cruel. I do understand why your upset but, try to let it go . Its not serious but maybe you know where you stand now and you can just do you as well for future events. Dont say anything else to her, let her have her day as she wishes.

Really feel for you on this- you had a beautuful promuse to each other she has broken it 💔 something similar happened with me way back. You just gotta let it go if you want the friendship to continue. Maybe arrange a special night out pre- wedding for just the two of you
So so sorry

I have in the past but there’s no point is there. Let’s face it. It’s not harming anyone is it. But sometimes post like this, you see people genuinely trying to help and it can be quite infuriating, don’t turn it on me here though, I’m not the problem here so I’m not getting baited into anything.

What a disgusting comment.

@missblueberrypie I am an only child. Sisters argue and may not be close but they have a huge shared history that friends can't match. Her other bridesmaids are family members, not friends. It's a big honour to be the only non family member on the bridesmaid bench. Try to see it as that.

Your friend may well have come under a lot of pressure from family about this. Try to show that you are supporting her. It may well be that she knows she won't get as good support from her sister so she will be glad to have you with her.

Because you are behaving like a six year old. It is perfectly feasible that she would choose her sister as MOH.

This is not a hill to die on.

Can't you just share the bridesmaid duties ?
My sister had me and our very good friend as bridesmaids i guess technically I was maid of honour but there was no difference in what we did.

You’re making her wedding about you, not about her.

Do you have a sister?! I'm guessing not. I don't have siblings, but if I had a sister (and assuming we got on and were close), she would be my MOH. My sister would come before my best friend. That's nothing against my friend, but generally most people would prioritise family.

I understand you had an agreement. However, when was this agreement made, years and years ago, when you were teenagers? Before you both had partners? More recently?

It may be that your friend genuinely agreed with you at the time the agreement was made. It may be that she forgot about the agreement (especially if it was made a long time ago) or simply changed her mind.

You are pregnant, and it may be because you're pregnant she changed her mind. She may have thought that you would appreciate an easier 'turn up on the day' type role, than have to plan and have a more active role. Perhaps she thought she was being considerate???

You are still going to be a bridesmaid, so your friend hasn't forgotten you. You are clearly an important person in her life, otherwise she wouldn't have asked.

This

In the nicest possible way, grow up, OP. This hairsplitting about bridesmaid vs maid of honour is like someone complaining that her friend ‘stole’ the baby name she’s wanted to use since she named her baby doll Annabella Mary aged six.

When I was in primary school, I made a deal with my two best friends that we would run away to the woods and live with Tinkerbell. I haven’t checked recently to see if they’re “furious“ and “heartbroken” that none of us made good on our promise. Seven year olds say the wildest things, so probably time to grow up.

It’s her sister FFS.

It shows. You need to grow up.

……I just feel like I’m not important anymore 😔

That’s right. You are no more important or special than any other guest. You are all equally important to the bride, which is why you are invited to the wedding.

OP, you need to climb down, right out of that childhood fantasy bubble and join the real world. Your best friend has a sister who is higher up in the family pecking order than you. You are pregnant and may not be able to do as much, with as much enthusiasm, as normal. The bride is being sensible.

What should you do?

Come to your adult senses before you make a fool of yourself.
If you are a good person and good friends to each other, unofficial status and titles like MOH or bridesmaid make no difference at all. You will still be a good friend to her, -under any circumstances.
Realise that your obsession with this shows you in a bad light which you probably don’t deserve at all. You need to adjust your thinking quickly and be grateful for your friend’s consideration of you.

😅I made a pact with my friend at secondary school that if we were single we'd get married at 30, which at the time seemed ancient and well over the hill.

We aren't married now... childish pacts between teenagers dont always translate to adult life OP, and isn't it quite likely your friend has forgotten the pact anyway?

Bloody hell. You made the deal in primary school. Get a grip.
Surely MOH won’t be planning the hen do alone, you can still help.