To be furious at my ‘supposedly’ best friend?

[missblueberrypie]

My ‘’best friend’’ is getting married in a few months. We’ve known each other since primary school and we always had an agreement that when we get married we would have each other as our maid of honours. I kept up my end of the bargain when I married my DWife three years ago. I fully expected that I would receive the same honour but apparently not. I found out that I will be a bridesmaid whilst her sister is the maid of honour. I might be overreacting but I am quite upset and frankly furious. I thought we knew each other better than this and I don’t know if the relationship will ever be the same tbh. I was even more heartbroken when she said that the reason behind this snub is the fact that I am pregnant and would not be able to put 100% effort into wedding planning. What should I do going forward?

I'm not sure her sister would have felt great if she'd chosen you either, so your friend was likely in a lose-lose situation. Now that you've had your reaction, maybe think about it from her perspective?

It shows! You are being utterly ridiculous and acting like a spoiled child.

Grow up.

And THIS is the sort of reason that we are eloping and just getting married abroad without inviting anyone!!

I mean we’ve got a lot of people with issue with it but unless they are planning on paying for our wedding personally, it literally has nothing to do with anyone what we plan to do.

OP - do not be that person who tries to tell someone else how to do their wedding.

Because you sound like a petulant teenager. Stop being such a total chopper and making it all about you or you’ll ruin your friendship with your self centredness.

So you being a bridesmaid is not her demoting you. Firstly a pact made in teens can definitely be broken, things change people and relationships change. But if as you say the two of you are very close and she’s not close to her sister yet chose her the obvious reason is family pressure . It sounds like she had to make a choice and she thought you loved and supported her enough to understand.
i kind of get where you were coming from after my best friend (of 25 years at the time) overlooked me for God parent twice (she’s godmother to my eldest) instead she chose cousins and second cousins who she saw once or twice a year. I didn’t cry but I was slightly miffed but I figured she had her reasons and again I suspected pressure to choose family over friends.

She's probably under a lot of family pressure to have her sister as MOH.

My sister was my MOH. Can't stand her, and I only "picked" her because of our parents. You are a bridesmaid, what difference does the title make? Only you and the bride care, everyone else couldn't care less.

Of all the things that are a "big deal" this is not one.

Seriously, if you’re reacting like this to such a non event your life is going to be one drama after another. Grow up!

Blood is (usually) thicker than water and the sister would obviously have first dibs. Op can’t help feeling hurt but this is a huge overreaction. OP you have to find a way to move past this and reign yourself in.

I was going to say you are definitely unreasonable, until I read that the reason is your pregnancy. Unless you’ve actually told her that it would impact on your ability to perform moh duties then that bit is unreasonable on her part.

I come on this forum sometimes and am amazed that these people walk among us.

What goes on in their brain development to make them like this??

As a bridesmaid you can still get stuck in and get involved in organising?
my sister was my MOH, and my best friend was bridesmaid. At my BF wedding, her sister was MOH and me bridesmaid, but her sister was bloody useless and I did everything to make sure it was perfect for my friend. I didn’t care about titles, I just wanted her to have the best experience as a hen/bride. She didn’t know who did or didn’t organise stuff as I didn’t need the recognition, it was just for her. If you’d lose a friendship over this maybe you’re not as close as you think you are.

I’d bear in mind how stressful wedding planning is and the pressure your friend is under to appease everyone, including family. Your feelings are your feelings, but please consider that your friend may be getting similar comments from her closest family. How would it go down if she didn’t choose her sister as maid of honour?
You know how close you and your friend are, you don’t have to compare to her sister. Just be the bigger person.

That’s the danger with getting your self worth from others.

Honestly, you are BU for being upset about it and all these brides I read about on her choosing maids of honor or bridesmaids based on who can give them most attention are massively unreasonable too.

This is such a nasty generalisation.

I’m 56 but have some younger friends via dp. The way you all talk about your weddings is batshit, frankly. One woman I know complained that one of her friend’s bridesmaids had had the temerity to move abroad during the two-year engagement - ‘we just don’t have the same values’ was seriously said. Get over yourself, or maybe start a career as a wedding planner.

If she’s picked her sister as moh then don’t step in to help organise anything. She wants her sister to do it all, so leave her to it. If you feel that badly about it then ask to go as a guest instead? But don’t fall out over it, it’s not worth it. The wedding is only for one day. Perhaps her sister kicked off over being moh.

If you're already married, you wouldn't be a bridesmaid or maid of honour anyway, you'd be a matron of honour.

What actual difference does it make? Aren't you both going to be doing the same sort of duties and dressed as the same part of the bridal party?

Did she pinkie promise 💀

@MrsJeanLucIt doesn’t explain anything. I’m an only child and would never carry on like this, nor would any of the other onlies I know. It’s down to personality, and the OP’s is bat shit. I second the others telling her to grow up.

I was just thinking this! Planning our wedding 20ish years ago didn’t feel this dramatic 😂😂