To be furious at my ‘supposedly’ best friend?

[missblueberrypie]

My ‘’best friend’’ is getting married in a few months. We’ve known each other since primary school and we always had an agreement that when we get married we would have each other as our maid of honours. I kept up my end of the bargain when I married my DWife three years ago. I fully expected that I would receive the same honour but apparently not. I found out that I will be a bridesmaid whilst her sister is the maid of honour. I might be overreacting but I am quite upset and frankly furious. I thought we knew each other better than this and I don’t know if the relationship will ever be the same tbh. I was even more heartbroken when she said that the reason behind this snub is the fact that I am pregnant and would not be able to put 100% effort into wedding planning. What should I do going forward?

It’s totally normal to pick a sister. Bridesmaid is a really important job. My best friend is my moh but her sister was hers, it doesn’t mean she cares less about me. Remember you might feel extra sensitive at the moment but it’s her wedding, she still wants you closely involved, and it has no bearing at all on your friendship. Remember also that her wedding is about how you show up for her, not what she does for you. Its entirely her choice and a very fair and ok decision to make.

Kindly OP you seriously need to take a deep breath and get over this. Kicking up a fuss will spoil this wedding for your very friend and very probably damage your relationship. Sister trump’s friend and that’s the way it goes unfortunately. Don’t forget she will very probably have a lot of family pressure to include siblings / cousins etc in the bridal party. She may well be keeping the peace so you pushing back will only make things worse. Please swallow your pride and be there for her.

😆😆

You missed off crapping in a bag and posting it through her letterbox before setting fire to her car. May as well go the whole hog 🤷

OP - kindly, you are being ridiculous and your posts show you are very immature. I made a lot of deals in secondary school with my friends, but are we all holding each other to them? Of course not. Sorry but a sister trumps a best friend in most cases for matron of honour. You don’t have a sister so easy for you to pick your friend. I really do think you need to grow up and stop being so ridiculous trying to hold your friend to a deal made when you are about 14.

In all honesty, you sound like you are still 14. Your friend has done nothing wrong. If you can’t see that when all the comments are supporting your friend then you need to open your eyes. Thankfully one of my childhood friends isn’t holding me to the business deal we made in business studies class back in 1990.

Crying all day over it?

Get a grip!

I have several close friends but have never been anyone's maid of honour or bridesmaid - and so what? You can still cherish the friendship.

I can't believe an adult woman would cry all day over this

This is a silly thing to get worked up about and you’re massively over reacting like an immature teenager.

Yabu. You can still help with the hen planning.

You picked her to be MOH as she is your best friend. She picked her MOH as she is her sister, also a popular choice.

If you picked her because of a secondary school deal or to get picked back that was daft.

You are still her best friend (unless you cause a massive drama over this, that would be really unkind)

just keep these immature self indulgent feelings quiet and do not talk about this to the bride or anyone else connected to the bride. This is her special day and you’ve already got an important role.

I think she should have maybe had a conversation rather than just let you find out that way but you can’t expect her to hold up her end of the deal you made in primary. Would you still have picked her if you hadn’t made that deal? If you’re a bridesmaid you’ll still have a say in the hen surely, you can definitely tell her sister your ideas.

You can be upset…. Valid feelings….however you also sound young and incredibly immature. Of course her sister could trump you as MOH!!!! Also sisters argue all the time, but can have the strongest bond ever…. I know because I have one!

the fact you want to end a friendship over this is…. Quite frankly…. Ridiculous!!! Also you are pregnant and being a mother at the beginning can feel quite isolating and lonely…. Again I have been through this as a mother myself…. So you will want to keep the good friends you’ve already got!!!

FWIW
I was the only bridesmaid aged 4 and that was the only time I have ever been a bridesmaid.
My oldest friend got married in a fairly big cathedral wedding, all her attendants were under 18.
My sister got married, twice. First time she had 1 bridesmaid aged about 10, second time her 2 daughters were bridesmaids, but I was asked to do a reading.
Old friend from university got married, I was a guest, although many other friends expressed surprise that I wasn't a bridesmaid.
Was I disappointed or upset, no. It never even occurred to me to think like that. In fact I would probably have said thanks, but no thanks to being a bridesmaid.
I think the OP should develop other aspirations.

I had no bridesmaids at my wedding...saved a whole load of drama and expense. Wonderful.

Of cause she is going to have her sister for moh if they are close. You’re a bridesmaid that’s good enough. The fact you’re pregnant as well. Your friend is right. Takes a lot of pressure off you

Trust me, the sister would be so much more upset than you are if she was not MOH.

I would also kindly ask you to listen to yourself. I don’t know many “best friends” who would place themselves above a sister when it came to something like this. You need to demonstrate what a good friend you really are by sucking this up and letting go. I understand why you are upset and I don’t want to be harsh, but please grow up.

Good Grief!
You are expecting a baby, how many people would be delighted to be you right now - don’t brush that thought away, I’m being real not mean.

Are you serious OP ? Just be grateful she’s asked you to be a bridesmaid. I can’t believe you are being so childish.

Had a deal! Grow up you’re not in the playground now! Maybe it’s because you’re pregnant with loads of hormones surging that you are being totally irrational!

Grow up.

You should be bloody grateful

Do you think the reason why you’re annoyed may be because she’s using your pregnancy as an excuse?

Given she has used this as an excuse, I would also use this as an excuse not to help. If she asks you to run around doing her favours, tell her sorry, I’m pregnant.

With kindness, you really need to grow up, Stating that you are ‘frankly furious’ is ridiculous. Things happen in life. Growing up my best friend and I always talked about weddings and yes promised we would both be each others bridesmaids, in the end I had no bridesmaids at all - she was very supportive. She got married before me and had her sister and cousin, she did say her family esp mum and dad expected cousin to be bridesmaid and she wanted to make them happy, I totally got it. Yes I was sad but I fully supported her. We were both 21 at the time— that’s friendship.