To be furious at my ‘supposedly’ best friend?

[missblueberrypie]

My ‘’best friend’’ is getting married in a few months. We’ve known each other since primary school and we always had an agreement that when we get married we would have each other as our maid of honours. I kept up my end of the bargain when I married my DWife three years ago. I fully expected that I would receive the same honour but apparently not. I found out that I will be a bridesmaid whilst her sister is the maid of honour. I might be overreacting but I am quite upset and frankly furious. I thought we knew each other better than this and I don’t know if the relationship will ever be the same tbh. I was even more heartbroken when she said that the reason behind this snub is the fact that I am pregnant and would not be able to put 100% effort into wedding planning. What should I do going forward?

Aah but did they pinkie swear at school🤣🤣

Oh dear.. what you have to remember is that this wedding is not just been put together by your friend. It is one thing l saying that she wants you as a MOH but the reality is she has to please two families, hence the assortment of friends and family as BMs and her sister as MOH. Can you reach out to the MOH and offer to take some of the organising of the hen party off her? Maybe you could tell yourself that she maybe MOH but you are the chief bridesmaid. Don't tell your friend you are hurt, its not personal and she has enough going on.

I thought you were going to say she’s excluded you from the wedding altogether. You’re being ridiculous over a title.

I got the rage when i was pregnant too. I'm a very placid person normally, but my god by the end of that 9 months people were terrified of me 😂 Another vote for pregnancy hormones here. Try not to make any rash decisions based on how you feel just now, because you might find it passes. You are the only unrelated bridesmaid, thats an honour! Be there for your friend.

YABU
I say this as someone who did the same thing, as in I remember me and my best friend at school saying we'd be each others bridesmaids if we ever got married.
I was the one who got married first, and yes she was my bridesmaid.
Then when she got married several years later, did she ask me?
No.
I may have briefly thought "aw, thought I was going to be bridesmaid" but if I did it was a fleeting thought.
Upset and furious? Seriously?! People grow, we're not at school anymore.

Also, her & her sister may argue, but they're still family. Blood is thicker than water.

Mumsnet is getting more unhinged each day. You're being beyond ridiculous and making this about you. News flash, it's not. It's about your friend, what she wants for her day.

She's got her reasons.It's not that bad. She's thinking about you, not wanting o put pressure on you.

'I might be overreacting'

might???? 😂

You’re right to be annoyed. She has betrayed you. If I were you, I wouldn’t even speak to her for the next few years, not even at your school leavers’ dance.

In the UK there is no such thing as a Maid of Honour, that is the American for Chief Bridesmaid or Matron of Honour, if already married.
Personally, I really do not like the current fashion of having all or mostly adult bridesmaids, weird multiple hen parties and all the other bizarre customs that are filtering in from over the Atlantic.
As for not being Matron of Honour, well that is the bride's decision and she has chosen her sister. You have been asked to be a bridesmaid, which is surely better than nothing.
Your reaction is extremely childish.

Look at it this way, your friend is actually being considerate of your condition and not overloading a pregnant woman with the stress of hen night and wedding organisation. Hopefully you will sail through your pregnancy but who knows. At least she is still ok with a pregnant bridesmaid, my sister kicked me out of her bridal party altogether as she thought I would be too fat at 3 months pregnant.
Focus on having a lovely day and a healthy baby.

Haha.

I'm old and always known of it as Matron or Maid of Honour.

I had to have adult bridesmaids too, as we had no little girls amongst family or friends. Thatcwas in the 80s.

Yeah. Don't say anything, she'll think you've lost the plot. You feel what you feel, but you should probably try to get some perspective. It's not like you're not in the wedding at all.

This is truly one to move on from, OP. Almost anyone would choose a sister over a friend for maid of honour, it's just one of those conventions. And there is very little (if any) actual difference in the roles of maid of honour and bridesmaid, on the day you'll all be doing basically the same thing.

Don't throw away a good friendship on the basis of a secondary school promise when it's clear your friend loves and respects you since she has chosen you to be a bridesmaid. A little perspective will go a long way here.

You can choose how the friendship looks from now on OP. You either accept her decision with good grace (and there are at least 2 good reasons why she made it - she chose her sister and you are pregnant) and support her as a bridesmaid. Or you can sulk and pout and complain to the bride.

It really depends if you value and treasure the friendship. Surely its more than just a day?

If you love to plan and her sister lives across the country, chances are high that you will be in charge of the hens do anyway.

I hope you can see that its just a title (maid of honour) and has very little to do with how she sees you

She is doing you a favour... the last thing you want to do is be responsible for organising a Hen with a baby.

Organising a Hen isnt just coming up with an idea and planning it. Its the bullshit whatsapp chat organising with friends and family, chasing up deposits and booking somewhere - often with your own cash and then waiting for reimbursement from people.

Absolutely not fun stuff! Absolutely not what I'd want to be doing with a newborn on board.

It’s her wedding, so you aren’t important in this.

If she didn’t ask her sister it may have caused family arguments. You wouldn't want to cause a problem in her family insisting on a friend instead of her sister.

Don't cry. It isn't a reflection on your friendship, she didn't pick a friend it is her sister.

Her sister is the sister and will always be above you. Chalk this up to pregnancy hormones and be happy for your friend.

Do you have a sister OP? I always argued with mine but I cannot think of a friendship that can compare to the intimacy of a close sister bond (though some have got close).

The arguing is a sign of greater closeness - that they can argue and then make up shows that they know the strength of their relationship, that they can be completely honest with each other, that they are each others safe spaces, and that they trust implicitly that their intense communication style won’t cause irreparable harm to their bond. Location doesn’t matter either - they grew up in the same house, shared the same upbringing.

You are no doubt are close to your friend having done life together for such a long time but it can’t compare to her relationship with a sister she loves.

Every time I think about abandoning this website, some absolute gold like this pops up and makes me stay 🤣