To be furious at my ‘supposedly’ best friend?

[missblueberrypie]

My ‘’best friend’’ is getting married in a few months. We’ve known each other since primary school and we always had an agreement that when we get married we would have each other as our maid of honours. I kept up my end of the bargain when I married my DWife three years ago. I fully expected that I would receive the same honour but apparently not. I found out that I will be a bridesmaid whilst her sister is the maid of honour. I might be overreacting but I am quite upset and frankly furious. I thought we knew each other better than this and I don’t know if the relationship will ever be the same tbh. I was even more heartbroken when she said that the reason behind this snub is the fact that I am pregnant and would not be able to put 100% effort into wedding planning. What should I do going forward?

You are a bridesmaid! Its a huge honour.

My best friend and I were going to join the navy together. Neither of us did. Probably why we aren't best friends 50 years later.

I get why you are upset. It might seem trivial but she’s been a bit disingenuous taking the MOH role for your wedding and then basically demoting you for her own wedding.

I do think sisters tend to be MOH but it’s not exactly a surprise she has one so if that was going to be the case then she should have been upfront. The doing it cos you’re pregnant bit is weird. Surely it would be up to you to let her know if it was too much due to however you are finding pregnancy. Step back from the planning and let her and her sister sort out the details then.

It wasn't really disingenuous as the OP didn't have a sister who could do the role?

In that case I think she will be even more appreciative of your help. You can still help if you are not close, you only need her phone number to start a conversation.

In the nicest possible way - you were expecting to be MOH but missed out and got bridesmaid. Whilst you can having disappointed feeling about missing out on the top job, being bereft is going down the dramatic route

dust yourself down and accept you are included in the. bridal party and enjoy the wedding, without having to juggle the responsibility of the arrangements and two children.

Im sure that you will have a lovely day, relaxed as the event admin falls to someone else.

You may be long term best friends but do you seriously expect her to choose you over her sister?

I've never heard of a bridesmaidzilla until now. If it was my wedding and I got wind of your feelings (it's not your day!) I'd run a mile from your main character syndrome bullshit.

Some people get super pressured by family for wedding things. I had to have dh cousin as she was probably never getting the chance to be a bridesmaid 🙄🙄🙄🤣🤣🤣🤣 Maybe her family have said it should be her sister and she’s going along with it.

Are you old enough to take care of a baby ? Time to grow up.

I am so sad and feel bereft in a way I’m never going to have the chance of being ‘chief bridesmaid’ (don’t meant to get into the terminology again) for anyone. I’m never going to be able to organise a hen-do or be the have that special place in helping the bride get ready on the big day itself.

There is an infinitely broad range of human experiences. We don’t all get to experience every single one of them. And that is ok.

So, sister as maid of honour, "distant cousins" as bridesmaids. This is a family wedding.

Sorry OP, but you're coming across badly here, with the whole "But we had a deal" - struck at secondary school, so as teenagers.

Ah, but did you seal the deal with blood, that´s what makes the difference...

Think you're over-reacting. Most women choose sisters first to be MOH. Just be happy you were included as bridesmaid and don't ruin a lifelong friendship by spitting the dummy.

It’s not disingenuous because if I had a sister I would have still chosen my friend

Well, your friend chose differently.

And of course you can help how you feel. Tell yourself you're being ridiculous, like a six year old being told she can't come to a sleepover.

That would have been your decision but you can't say that 100% because you can't say what sort of relationship you would have had with a sister.

Your friend doing it though didn't mean she had to follow through on giving you the same role for her wedding.

Try to imagine how her sister would have felt if she had been the one deprived of the opportunity to be maid of honour to her own sister.

That's easy to say when you don't have a sister so didn't have to make a choice.

As a single child I don’t think you can truly know that…
Blood is thicker than water. Life isn’t fair sometimes. Promises made as children can’t be held onto. Let it go, accept her decision and grow up a bit. There are so many bigger issues in life

You’re literally a bridesmaid!!

What even is maid of honour anyway?! I had 2 bridesmaids and neither was more bridesmaidy than the other, as was the case when I was their bridesmaid along with other friends they had.

How old are you? 14? Let her choose who she wants. Jeez

I don’t think you need to be upset. You have a thoughtful lovely friend who does not want to stress you out. She has still made you a bridesmaid. And the person she chose is not some random stranger but her own sister whom she is obviously very close to. I think you are being very unreasonable, might be the pregnancy hormones.

Oh for God's sake. Unless this 'deal' was made at a crossroads at midnight in the presence of Beelzebub himself, it means bugger all in the grown-up world. I don't mean to be nasty but have you lead a fairly sheltered existence to date? Because if you're like this over this, I dread to think how you'll cope with the actual setbacks and adversity that life throws everybody's way. You're going to be a bridesmaid and can still be very involved in stuff, let it go.