Is this just fucking rude or am I being precious?

[clothespegg]

We live in Italy. Dd4 recently turned 18 and her present was a trip to London with a friend. I paid flights and spending money (for her), one of her sisters paid for a plush hotel for both of them, another organised ice skating, another took them out for meals etc… they were away 5 days and seemed to have had a great time.

I didn’t know the other girl, so we met up with her and her mother beforehand, organised flights and chatted. I gave her all my and my older dd’s details etc. Her dd slept here the night before they left, we took them both to the airport at dawn (they don’t have a car),and picked them up and dropped other girl off at hers when they got back (the other side of town). The mother was out when my DH dropped her off.

And nada. Silence. Not a single word back. Not a thank you or an acknowledgement. Nothing. Dad says everything was great and they both loved it. I’m not expecting flowers or champagne, but even a text would have been nice. AIBU?

Whats comical is babying a grown up child 🤣

Why would you send a card and chocs for a trip to the airport? This is mad. The friend paid for her own flights and spends, and while it was nice off DD to take the friend to the hotel, it was DD’s present and so DD should be the one who is thanked! (And DD should thank her mum and sis).

OP - you got your daughter a generous gift and presumably she thanked you. This was your DD’s present not a gift for the other girl. If I get a bottle of champagne for my birthday and share it with my best friend she wouldn’t then text thanks
to the gifter.

My dad took my friend and I to the airport last year. Her mum didn’t message my dad to say thank you. He would probably think it was a bit fucking weird because we’re all adults, same as your DD and her friend.

The girl had to pay for her own tickets, etc. This may have put pressure on the other young woman's parents. Your DD should thank you for what you did for her. Her friend should thank your DD for inviting her. End of.

I was once told off by someone for not thanking their mother for something they did for my DD. It didn't occur to them that I might not be thankful. I wasn't and would have preferred it if they didn't do what they did. I'm not going to thank someone for something they chose that I'm not happy about, even if they viewed it as doing something nice. Maybe this young woman's parents feel the same way?

Just out of curiosity, how old are your children currently?

Because I can't imagine thanking another parent once my daughter reached 18.

Don't be ridiculous you know a sleepover is not the same as a trip for 5 days to another country. If you want to do the bare minimum then that's fine, but let's not pretend that being capable of gratitude for someone doing something nice for your kids stops at 18 automatically.

@Soontobesingles ah, I had misunderstood. I thought op paid for the other girl’s flights. If it was just a lift, then no. I would just expect the girl to say thanks for the lift in the usual way.

sorry, I was confused as to who paid for what.

She is not a independent adult who lives on her own and goes to a trip completely organised by herself is she? If this was the case and the mum hadn't been on touch with the other mum to accept/organise ise the trip then that would have been a different story.

As long as the friend thanked you, then that should be sufficient.

I’d assume the girls thanked each other.

The friend for the treats and accommodation, your daughter of course thanking her friend for paying for flights etc to celebrate her birthday with her.

It's not that you don't appreciate someone doing something nice but my eldest is 27. Would I still be expected to contact his friend's parents to thank them?

If someone took you on holiday, would your mum thank their mum?

It's got to stop at some point and when they become adults seems to be an appropriate time.

Precious I think.

Personally I think it's a bit off inviting someone on holiday with you but not paying for them.

But then people charge their own family for Christmas dinner on Mumsnet so what do I know!

Wasn't she going as part of your daughter's present? Presumably your daughter didn't want to go alone, or you didn't want her to? What would have happened if friend didn't go, no trip?

It's like when posters say that there's a school trip abroad that their kid really wants to go on, but actually even though it's subsidised it's still a lot of money for them and feels like unwelcome pressure / inconvenience / stress or whatever. But it's sold by school as a wonderful opportunity and the kid does want to miss out.

Also, if the friend is independent enough to go abroad with a mate then she's more than capable of saying thanks herself.

I really don't see why the mum would thank you? From her perspective her daughter was going off with a friend to London with the hotel already sorted, and she paid her own flight.

So you paid for your dd to go to Italy, your other daughter paid for a nice room for her, and you dds friend was included in order to give your DD someone to enjoy the break with. To me it seems like your dds friend ( or her mother) paid for her own flight and gave her time ( I'm sure willingly) as part of your dds birthday present . I'm not sure what either of the should thank you for really . All of the things paid for were for your DD, you would not have spent them otherwise.

The 18 yr old frend maybe had little choice over when she went or where she stayed and had to pay her own flight, I'm not sure what exactly she should be gushing with thanks over. I certainly don't think the mother needs to say thank you.

I'd say your DD should sat thank you though as all those gifts were spent for her, not her friend.

Did she not even say thanks for the lift as she got out of the car? That's really rude.

As for the rest, I agree with some pps and think you're overlooking the fact that this family had to pay quite a bit of money out so your dd could have company on her trip. They're probably not feeling that inclined to thank you for it - it could have been quite an imposition for them actually.

So when your 50 year old DD goes away with her friends you'll be thanking them all for taking her away?
🤣

Sorry but given 18 is still quite young, and the large level of treat involved here, if it were my dd, I’d absolutely be thanking the parents personally- and getting my dd to go round with flowers/champagne afterwards.

I can’t understand why people fail at decent manners. We had a couple over for dinner recently - a lot of cooking effort by my DH, a lot of our wine drunk, they left at 1am.

Did I get a text the next day to say thanks? Nope! I was about to be personally offended, but then remembered this same couple have a kid (then 15) who was taken on a family holiday by another mutual friend. The holiday-giving mum never received any kind of thank you for this, which I was so shocked by! What’s wrong with people?! No-one is that busy!

Thank god he’s got you as support x

Im not really sure what you are expecting such thanks for. The fact is you needed her to go with your daughter in order for your daughter to avail of her birthday present from you. The girl then paid her own flights. She was a tag along really if you are honest.

It was your other adult daughters who then pulled the rest together.

I wouldn’t be expecting anything more of the girl thanked your DD or thanked you and your husband when she was dropped off.

I would be absolutely furious tbh that the girl didn’t say thankyou. Particularly as you paid for her. It’s not her parents place to say thankyou on behalf of their adult daughter but that would have been nice.

Me too. I thought the friend had gone in a freebie so I’m now wondering why she would say thankyou

22 & 19.

Some people are simply thankless fucks OP. I took one of my DDs school friends to London with us for a week a few years back. She’d never been. I paid for all the flights, she stayed in my house, I paid for and organised all the activities … there were a lot! My DDs made a scrapbook of the trip for her when we got home. The parents didn’t thank me. I didn’t actually care. But the Mother did go to the school to make a complaint about my daughter’s behaviour towards her daughter … when I was babysitting her and her brother for them one weekend. We can do too much for some people. It just causes resentment …