Partner wont live with me

[Foxylady210]

Partner of 3 years has just told me he never wants to live with me (or anybody) ever. He's divorced i am widowed. Aibu to now think if someone else comes along who wants more i should jump ship? I feel like im not good enough for him and almost like FWB. I told him I wanted a proper relationship right from the start. He wants me to buy a house near to him, but nit with him

Sounds like he has had enough after the divorce.

Not everybody wants to live with their romantic partner.

Neither of you is wrong - you just need to decide whether this incompatibility means the relationship has to end.

If you want to eventually live with a partner then this relationship isn’t right for you.

I'm like him, but if you want to live with a partner, then he's not the one for you.

I think this is fine . At an older age it is more complicated with inheritance, adult children , etc. But if it is something you really desired then it's time to end the relationship.

He's not being unreasonable and neither are you

This. Cohabiting isn't for everyone. It doesn't mean they love you any less, it's just preference.

Wants you to buy a house closer to him??!!

Don't give anything up for him though. Don't leave your family and neighbours and friendship groups and hobby groups to move nearer to him. If he wants to be closer, he can move.

Not everyone wants to live with their romantic partner and that’s ok. I’ve seen examples of it work but the important thing is that it’s what both parties want which isn’t the case here.

You want different things.
I'm like your boyfriend.

You sound incompatible, if living together is a must for you then end it now and look for someone who has the same expectations as you.
He isn't being unreasonable, you just want different things.

I've voted YABU because of the whole "if someone better comes along..."

End it now if this is important - don't just settle because you need a partner, it's not fair on either of you!

Neither of us have children. Both over 50. Both financially sound.

Different things work for different people, the issue is one of compatibility, as PP have also said. I would be very happy with a Living Apart Together arrangement. It actually works very well for women as we age - we don't go from caring for children to caring for our partners (statistically men are likely to need more care), and we retain autonomy, independence and romance.

Also, either this relationship is worth working on or not. If you want different things, end it, don't wait for someone who offers more to come along before you do so. That suggests you are afraid of being alone, and that is never a good starting point for a healthy relationship.

I think it depends. What's the current set up? Do you both equally visit the other and both do cooking /paying for food at each house? Or is it one sided? Does he visit you, eat your food, shag and then go home for the night? If it's the latter then I would be ending the relationship! If it's the former, then that sounds ok and would think about the pros and cons of this situation.

I wouldn't be moving to be closer to him for his convenience tho.

I also don’t get why you would need to “wait for somebody better to come along”?

Sounds like you want a closer relationship than him, if your long term son is to live romantically with someone then live on cause it’s not for him.

I agree that you both want different things and neither if you is wrong in this.

But I think him expecting you to buy a house near to him is very off putting. Why is he expecting you to do this? Why can't he move nearer to you or some sort of compromise reached. It sounds as though he expects to call the shots in your relationship.

Oh I see you have edited. If it just feels like FWB (he comes to yours odd evenings for a shag and then goes back to his house) with no greater commitment I would end it. Being a free sex worker is not for me.

Living together, apart is different.

I would not be moving house though.

Same. I got myself a partner who works offshore. We’ve been together 20 years, have 3 children, he’s currently working/living 4 hours away. Suits us just fine

My neighbour of 12 years has been with her lovely partner for 18 years. She is nearly 70 and raves about how good it is. She sees lots of her friends and family and her and her partner go on lots of trips together and enjoy each other’s company.
The biggie is this wouldn’t work for you as you want something different. I wouldn’t waste my 50’s with the wrong person because dating definitely gets harder the older you are.

Sounds good to me. I'm.never living with another man ever again if I'm without husband for some reason..

But it's your relationship OP, none of us can say different. This is your choice to make.

I'm almost 52 and been with my partner for almost 6 years, living together for 3. I relocated for her. Life has thrown us a huge load of problems and it's been a struggle and I now feel it would have been better if we'd have stayed having a distance relationship and just been together at weekends, although I never ever thought I'd say that. If we split up in the future, there is absolutely no way I would live with someone again.

Was he upfront about this 3 years ago?

it’s a fair enough decision, and he’s not alone, but it needs to be made clear to the potential girlfriend from the outset.

80% of time I go to his home. Stay over maybe 2 or 3 night a month. He hasnt stayed at mine hardly ever despite being made welcome. We see each other for perhaps an hour or so most days, then every night he sits alone in his home, me in mine (apart from when im out at my @hobby groups/with friends). I am lonely within this relationship. He says he cant live without me but cant live with me. He likes his "space". I feel like a convenient option. Had i known it was leading to this i would not have git involved