Partner wont live with me

[Foxylady210]

Partner of 3 years has just told me he never wants to live with me (or anybody) ever. He's divorced i am widowed. Aibu to now think if someone else comes along who wants more i should jump ship? I feel like im not good enough for him and almost like FWB. I told him I wanted a proper relationship right from the start. He wants me to buy a house near to him, but nit with him

I actually agree with this and in fact it's probably a more mature and considered love when it gets to this point.

Perhaps you've got to be older to understand. I'm not sure how old the previous poster is.

You can't possibly judge the quality of someone else's love either - nobody can. So this is all moot isn't it?

A "mature and considered" love is a different quality of love. I fully appreciate people who have had busy family lives or spent a lifetime compromising for the benefit of an other they are no longer with and that they can have a very satisfying and fulfilling relationship with someone they don't live with. But ultimately, love is about sacrifice in my opinion. I think this actually matters more in old age when people are in or approach their twilight.

The sort of people who bristle at what I said make the same arguments as those who insist polycules are healthy setups.

Don't be made to feel bad for feeling lonely in this relationship OP. It's normal to feel lonely if you would choose to be sharing the evening with your partner and they choose not to, no matter how many other friends and plans you have. It's not unhealthy to want a cohabiting partner, and he should absolutely have made it clear from the start if that wasn't an option. At some point most people expect that kind of progression within a relationship. There are a lot of avoidant people whose main relationship is with themselves. They need a lot of space for that and although it's not unreasonable of them to be that way the impact on you is that you'll always be made to feel like a bit on the side.

Dump him. No point hoping someone else comes along, you’ve got to put yourself out there.

My FIL and his partner lived separately and were together for over 20 years. They had both been married before and had adult children, neither wanted to remarry and make things complicated for their offspring. It worked very well for them but they were both on the same page about the amount of contact they had, plus they lived in the same village - they could see each other's houses from where each lived. So they got to spend time together frequently because they lived close by.

But you're not on the same page, you both want different things. You say that you wouldn't have got into the relationship if you'd known beforehand, that's your cue to end this as it's not working for you. Time to call a halt and look for someone who wants the same thing you do.