Am I being Fussy?

[Chexton]

I wanted an MN sense check on an ongoing argument I have with my DH. To be clear, this isn’t ‘LTB’ territory, he is generally a great Dad and has currently taken a few days off work to look after me as I had to go to A&E at the weekend.

BUT, our approach to food is quite different. I would say I’m a generous cook and perhaps a feeder whilst DH has a large appetite but has a very simple palette.

Examples: I will make a sandwich with lovely thick cut bread, spread, chutney, cheese, ham etc.
He will thaw a couple of slices of freezer bread, no spread, a bit of mayo and slab of cheese.

If I’m doing a crumpet I’ll defrost in the microwave first, heat in toaster, spread and bovril piping hot.
He’ll put it in the toaster so still cold in the middle, no spread and a thin layer of bovril.

He likes it how he likes it and I like it how I like it. However, when I ask for things the way I like it, he teases me that I’m being fussy.

I know this sounds like ‘my diamond shoes are too tight’ type complaining but since recovering I have had
-cold toast with half a teaspoon of jam on it
-nice soup with a massacred dry roll
-hot chocolate with only half the ‘hotel Chocolat’ packet in it as ‘it’s fine like that’
-a sandwich with literally a slice of pre cut Emmental in it

We have no money issues at all, his dad is very frugal and has simple tastes so he gets it from him but I’m so fed up of him thinking I’m fussy when I gently ask if he can heat something a little more or put some butter on a hot cross bun etc.

Surely everyone has spread on their sandwiches, likes toast hot etc? Or am I being unreasonable??

Have you been explicit about what you want? And he’s just ignored?

However, when I ask for things the way I like it, he teases me that I’m being fussy.

so he’s literally just ignored you?

Sounds like you’re trying to find something to complain about! Some of us have to get on with it, look after kids & cook anyway when ill, with nobody to help us so in our eyes, any help of any kind would be appreciated so it’s hard not to judge tbh. Just be grateful/appreciative that he’s there for you, many women don’t have that, whether they’re married or not!

I don’t think you are being fussy in fact I think it’s just called having standards. It’s unfortunate when you have to rely on somebody else. I know I had my arm in a cast for six weeks. It was a nightmare as my husband does not do Cooking well. Hope you’re back to full health soon

You’re recovering
You make some pretty simple food requests
He laughs at you and refuses to

He sounds like a twat

I don’t like spread in my sandwiches, and also don’t like eating food super hot. I may be weird, though!

Do you explain how you’d like things or just hope he’ll know without any guidance? If you’re telling him what you’d like and he’s ignoring that, then I would be a little annoyed!

It’s hard to explain. He does buck things up when I remind him how I like things but then slips back. I think if he was asked he would say he’s not ignoring me but genuinely thinks it doesn’t taste that different or make that much difference.

Drink is anything thing. If I’m having an elderflower cordial for example, he’ll fill the glass with water then drops in the cordial. But this means the cordial sinks straight to the bottom so the top half of the drink is just water and the bottom is incredibly strong. I always put the cordial in first, then water so it mixes all the way through. He doesn’t think I can tell the difference but 9/10 times I give it back to him and ask him to mix it up as it’s undrinkable.

I feel like I’m constantly bringing him up on these seemingly small things

It’s hard to say - “nice soup with a massacred dry roll”. What does this mean? What had he actually done to the roll? Massacred is a bit dramatic.. do you mean, not cut very neatly? Or had he torn it to shreds?

Start doing the same to him, see how he likes it

I have to say, even the word spread makes me feel a bit queasy. I make a great sandwich, but I wouldn’t put butter on if I was also using mayonnaise. I think it’s an each to their own situation partly, maybe a calorie watching one but mostly it sounds like frugality.

It’s important to you
and you articulate that to him
and he chooses to laugh and ignore you. Even now… when you’re recovering from an emergency admission to hospital.

not a great sign

Why is he making your cordial so many times. This is all so intense.

I always have butter and mayo on same sandwich

Does his 'simple needs' and lack of awareness or attention to your needs manifest itself in other aspects of your relationship?

Raise your standards off the floor instead of telling other women to lower theirs

My DH makes my food and drinks the way I like them. Because he's a decent person who understands that other people have different tastes to him.

Basically @LemaxObsessive is saying

BE GRATEFUL YOU HAVE A MAN!!**

Yes, a bit dramatic!! I was clearly upset by it 😂

It was a roll he’d defrosted in the microwave but overdone it, then tried to cut it open with a butter knife so torn apart and no spread or anything.

Woe is me, I know!

🫤 not so many times? Why do you think so many times?

How long have you been together? Children?

Tbf, this He doesn’t think I can tell the difference but 9/10 times I give it back to him and ask him to mix it up as it’s undrinkable.. Does indicate it’s a frequent occurrence!

No, not at all. He can be a bit cautious of money but I am the man earner and don’t suffer that at all.

In fact he couldn’t have done more for me and the kids this weekend. I’m currently sat in a bath he ran for me, he’s come up twice to check I’m ok and do I need anything.

Its just this that I constantly have to nag him about and it’s got me questioning if I’m just super fussy with food

Interesting. Different perspective. I'm your husband in this scenario and I had an ex who I found a little draining regarding his obsession with food. I didn't really mind things like beans on toast etc and he was always banging on about butter and coffee and slices of meat. See, and I'm not criticising you for this as it's your choice, I'm not overwhelmed by your sandwich. You declare that it's lovely, and I'm sure to you it is, but I'm just... not fussed. Similarly the crumpets are fine. He would criticise my eating as if having peanut butter on toast was a mortal sin but some people are just not foodies and don't care. And some people are. He's trying.

‘9/10 times I give it back’ just to show that most of the time he gives me an undrinkable drink. If I’d have said ‘this weekend’ I would agree, that’s a lot of cordial!!!

I love beans on toast! I am totally not a snob with food! But I also want to enjoy it and not have something ‘mediocre’ because I’m ‘not fussed’.

But I would never comment on criticise him on his choice.

What if funny is he loved my cooking. If I make him one of my sandwiches which does have spread on top of mayo (sacrilege!) and Dijon and meat and cheese etc etc then he always comments on how wonderful it is. But won’t make one like that for himself, or me if he’s doing lunch

20 years, 2 young kids (infant school)