Am I being Fussy?

[Chexton]

I wanted an MN sense check on an ongoing argument I have with my DH. To be clear, this isn’t ‘LTB’ territory, he is generally a great Dad and has currently taken a few days off work to look after me as I had to go to A&E at the weekend.

BUT, our approach to food is quite different. I would say I’m a generous cook and perhaps a feeder whilst DH has a large appetite but has a very simple palette.

Examples: I will make a sandwich with lovely thick cut bread, spread, chutney, cheese, ham etc.
He will thaw a couple of slices of freezer bread, no spread, a bit of mayo and slab of cheese.

If I’m doing a crumpet I’ll defrost in the microwave first, heat in toaster, spread and bovril piping hot.
He’ll put it in the toaster so still cold in the middle, no spread and a thin layer of bovril.

He likes it how he likes it and I like it how I like it. However, when I ask for things the way I like it, he teases me that I’m being fussy.

I know this sounds like ‘my diamond shoes are too tight’ type complaining but since recovering I have had
-cold toast with half a teaspoon of jam on it
-nice soup with a massacred dry roll
-hot chocolate with only half the ‘hotel Chocolat’ packet in it as ‘it’s fine like that’
-a sandwich with literally a slice of pre cut Emmental in it

We have no money issues at all, his dad is very frugal and has simple tastes so he gets it from him but I’m so fed up of him thinking I’m fussy when I gently ask if he can heat something a little more or put some butter on a hot cross bun etc.

Surely everyone has spread on their sandwiches, likes toast hot etc? Or am I being unreasonable??

Completely agree. DH is more fancy than me for food, but believes things are better a certain way. Example I don't like any butter in most sandwiches and he would keep adding butter to mine because he felt it tasted better that way. That's just rude.

I think it’s a bit of both. The way you describe your food makes it clear that you’re quite precious about how it’s made. But his equally sounds shite.

You are fussy. He is slapdash. A stereotypical Mr & Mrs. Solution - make your own lunch.

This. And its only teasing if you find it funny.

I agree with this.
I think there is a definite split between those who live to eat and those who eat to live. I really don’t care about food- it’s just fuel to me but DH is much more like you OP.

Sure, and that’s fine BUT if someone who is supposed to love and care for you, put butter AND mayonnaise on the sandwich they made for you, would you go ‘hmmm, lovely, my favourite, thank you’ and tuck in, or you be thinking “oh ffs sake you know I can’t stand mayo and butter it makes me want to heave”, whilst returning it to aforementioned chef uneaten?
This isn’t about what you like or about what I like, it’s about a supposedly caring partner, not being very thoughtful. My husband likes his toast nearly cremated, slathered in butter and honey, so that’s how I make it for him if he needs a bit of TLC. Just as he knows I like my toast to be anemic, with a tiny scrapping of butter and a tiny scrapping of jam and that’s how he makes it for me. If he makes coffee he makes mine strong, and his like gnats piss, if I make coffee I give him gnats piss and let mine brew. It’s just small considerate things which make living together a bit more bearable😂!

Out of curiosity, if you were to make you both lunch for example. And you made yourself a naice sandwich and him his bog standard crap sandwich, how would he react?

All the ‘butter to the edge’ types, how do you hold it without getting sticky fingers? I regularly go without butter when I’m trying to lose weight. It’s not worth the calories. Is he trying to help you out OP?

I feel your pain. I hate cheap tinny cutlery and DH always manages to give me either children’s cutlery or the cheap horrible stuff we keep for taking to work.

I'm a bit like your DH in this scenario. I love nice food if someone else cooks it for me but otherwise I can't really be bothered and will happily just make something quick and simple.

I can't get past Bovril on a crumpet

Bovril on a crumpet?! What on earth!

He doesn’t sound very… bright

Yes, he does! So fair enough - if OP's husband does ignore her, that's not on.

@Bilberrybeaut you can hold the toast on the outside of the crust. Or accept that greasy fingers is the price for delicious butter (which I think is always worth the calories).

He gave you a microwaved freezer roll when there was a nice fresh roll available? I'm not sure what to make of that. It isn't lazy because it's actually more work than preparing the fresh roll would be. I think maybe it is frugality (although better to use the fresh roll that will go stale rather than the frozen that will stay the same). Same with the half sachet of chocolate.

I'd need to explicit be to DH on how I want my food each time if he's preparing it - we just have very different styles. When I was ill DH didn't deliver on the dinners at all so I swapped to Deliveroo for a few nights! I told him "If I'm ill and want to eat I'm going to have what I want and how I like it!" He was fine with it.

After 20 years he should know how you like things and do them that way. I wouldn’t be laughing along with being called a princess, no matter how apparently lighthearted because I wouldn’t eat an icy centred crumpet, what’s wrong with him?

I like gravy you can stand a fork up in. DH likes weirdly thin gravy. When I cook I make it how he likes it, when he cooks I get the nice thick gravy. It’s just basic care and thoughtfulness.

Oh wow, I didn’t realise this was quite so controversial! Surely bovril on a hot buttered crumpet is nothing short of divine? (Dare I add that I sometimes grill some cheese over the bovril?)

Marmite I could understand, and in fact I had marmite on crumpet for breakfast today, but Bovril...!

He wouldn’t bat an eyelid and thank me for lunch. So he’s happy to have things my way when I cook (and eagerly compliments me otherwise I’d do the sloppy shortcut way)

He sounds tight. The bread stuffs being in the freezer also made me think of my friend’s uber tight ex husband who was always freezing things that are nice to have available fresh.

what is 'spread'? sounds grim!

Are they not interchangeable? They don’t taste that different but most people prefer one to the other. If something works with marmites it probably works with bovril and vice versa

Asked and answered

Honestly I love plastic bread with a big lump of cheese.

if someone is making lunch for me I will eat sandwiches or whetever made their way and probably be complimentary about it but there are times when plastic bread is the food of the gods.

however I have been the cook in my household for over twenty years so if someone makes me food I shut up and say thank you even if it’s not how Ai like it because I’m grateful someone else is cooking.