To be surprised nobody helped me?

[Mintybreath]

i was unwell a few months ago and for some reason it suddenly popped into my head the other day

basically I was walking home and suddenly felt extremely unwell- like I knew I was dying. It was the worst I’ve ever felt in my life. Really awful nausea and palpitations

i was terrified because i felt like i was about to drop dead on the street and i knew I HAD to get home. I don’t actually know why I didn’t even think to call 999, but I just kept thinking I needed to get home. It was 9pm, pitch black and heavily raining. I could barely stand up but forced myself to walk a few steps, and after a few minutes I immediately had to bend down low to try and feel less terrible, then I’d walk a few steps again, then I had to crouch low again. I never collapsed or lost consciousness thankfully but I was violently sick on the street and was visibly not well and in my head I kept thinking I was going to drop dead on the street by myself and I was terrified. It lasted for about 20 minutes and I somehow made it home,

To cut a very long and boring story short, it turns out I actually was unwell, I was in vtach at over 200

It suddenly popped into my head the other day and got me thinking how literally nobody helped. I was walking on the pavement on a main residential road and was visibly unwell- admittedly it was late so not like there were loads of people walking about but I definitely passed people, lots of cars, and a few times I was crouched and struggling to walk right in front of peoples living room windows. I know nobody is obligated to help, but I guess it just surprised me that they didn’t? Is it because they thought I was unwell because of drink/drugs or something and didn’t want to get involved? Or just because it was raining and late at night?

tbh partly my fault because I should have just opened my mouth and called out for help, I don’t really know why I didn’t because I remember thinking please please can someone help me, but I think the palpitations were so awful all I could focus on was GET HOME. Maybe my expectations are a bit off but would others have expected someone to help? Thankfully feeling a lot better now and hopefully I’ll never be in that situation again needless to say!

I always help someone who has had a fall but also avoid vomiting people. Being taken by surprise with vomming could well be noro and I don't want it! Or drunk and again I don't want the confrontation.

I approached a woman who was on the floor screaming once - with a man looming over her shouting - and she told me to FUCK OFF! And the MAN started defending me. Put me off a bit.

This.
I would be extrememly wary of approaching someone who appeared drunk late at night however concerned I was.
If you'd called out for help someone might have been more likely to try.
If I was concerned I'd have called 999 but they'd probably take so long to come out you might not even know.

I was heavily pregnant and had a severe panic attack on the street out of no where and felt the same - like I was going to pass out or die. I was crying (hormones and fear) and holding onto things to steady myself before I could get to a bench in the far distance. Lots of people passed me, not a single one asked how I was or tried to help. Same when I was stood on a bus about 8 months pregnant - all of the seats taken, driver kept braking heavily I was swinging everywhere as a result. Nobody got up they just watched me stumbling.

I think it’s a fear of over-stepping, interfering, offending etc.

I do my best to help people I see in need in the street but a dark rainy night .. there's a good chance I'm head down walking quickly trying to get home before I get too cold or wet.

Sorry this happened to you OP, I'd have stopped to help!

Even if people thought you were drunk and on drugs, is that a reason not to help someone? I once stopped to help a man at a bus stop who would obviously on crack or in a k-hole, he was miles from home and I helped call his wife and wait with him until she turned up. She was less than impressed with him obviously, but very grateful I didn't just leave him to his own devices!

Lived most my life in a major city, but grew up in the countryside. Many years ago, I saw an older man lying in the road at a large roundabout leading to the city centre. Drivers were manouvering round him. I was flabbergasted - stopped to help and called the police as he didn't know his name or address, and was clearly confused. It really dampened my faith in humanity to see him treated like an obstruction in the road.

More recently, I was with a friend in a residential street and a male youth in hoodie approached us (it was daylight) appearing panicked asking for help. He said he had found someone he thought was dead. We were hesitant as tbh the circumstances felt suspicious - sad to say. However I find it very difficult to ignore a cry for help as how can you judge, and what if it is genuine? I'd like to think someone would help me in similar circumstances. Turns out there was a person slumped and very dead looking by some bins in an overgrown front garden. Called an ambulance, attempted to check pulse and do whatever needed to be done. After some prodding, the man woke up, sprung to his feet, looked disoriented then strolled off with the young person who had called us looking slightly sheepish following behind him. Still to this day no idea what that was about and whether it was genuine, a prank or an attempted robbery - though didn't get the vibes of it being the latter.

But still, would help again as you never know.

I was out in broad daylight and dressed in sports wear - sat on pavement and friend with me also in sportswear.

Drivers kept stopping to ask if we were ok, one stopped and offered a lift

I think it depends on the circumstances as to whether people feel safe to stop and offer assistance. Bright daylight in August and two woman in sports gear "look" safe to offer help

Not read the whole thread, so apologies if I’m repeating anyone, but they have done psychological research on helping, and it seems that the vast majority of people are hardwired to go with the crowd, so if no one is stopping others will copy that behaviour, without thinking too much about it, if someone stops to help, it’s likely that others will copy and offer help. I learnt this in my A-levels and I always now think if I don’t stop to help maybe no one else will so do always try. I have several times, even if it’s just to call the police if I feel unsafe to actually approach (as I did when I saw someone being assaulted once).

I do think in larger towns and cities this effect is exaggerated, because you know you don’t know the person and so it’s easier to walk on, whereas in a village or small town you are likely to know the a person in distress or know someone who knows them.

I don’t think it’s about ‘these days’ or people assuming the worst, we’re essentially pack animals and we’re most comfortable following the herd.

I think many pedestrians don’t realise how invisible they are when walking near a road in the dark / bad weather.
with winter coats being predominantly dark colours and hats etc I have many many times only just noticed a pedestrian as I’ve got past them on my commute home.

i often think that if they suddenly dashed in front of me or collapsed into the road I’d have no chance of stopping.

so I would assume that many drivers of not most of them simply didn’t see you or only just as they went by and then it’s not always easy to stop and go back.

sometimes I want to stop along side someone and tell them that they’re nearly invisible in the dark and while they can see all of the cars going by. We can barely see them and they should think about wearing something reflective when walking in the dark.
joggers are especially bad for it and will often step into the road

I live in a main road and don’t look out my window all the time so likely those people in the houses never seen you.

I agree with others. They likely thought you were drunk/on drugs unfortunately which is sad 😥

I always tell my DD and nieces to phone the emergency services, if there is not much people around, especially at night. Sometimes it is trickery to steal from the kind person.

I know exactly what it is.
But you said you knew you were dying.
But you didn't die did you?

Agreed.

I get pretty fucked off with my own heart conditions SVT and AFib being minimised.

Cool that your mum got a meditation app and it helped her or that you are 70 and your AF doesn't bother you too much

Im 40 with SVT AND AFib which medication doesnt control effectively... and when your heart has been doing 200 bpm at rest for 12 hours overnight you just dont feel great. You are exhausted, feel nauseous, You cant see or walk properly, some of your muscles arent working right...
Your bp is generally so low hospital staff cant even measure it...

I had one episode in the office where I was stuck in the bathroom doorway because I didnt think I could make it to my desk and cpuldnt rrally speak and people asked if i was waiting and then just walked around me.... 🫠

I dont know if they gave you adenosine but good lord.... 😱 the cure is almost worse than the disease. That actually made me feel like I was dying which wasnt helped by the fact they prep you for Resus before giving it to you... just in case your heart actually stops

I hope you are feeling better now I think the late at night and rain wont have helped.

I'm sad to say I would have assumed you were drunk, and kept clear.

If you didn't asked for help people just thought you were high or drunk at that hour I think.
I wouldn't offer my help to a random person that is bending on the street and carry on walking at that hour unless is a kid, someone with kids or an old person, because I would be thinking you were drunk.

So sorry @Mintybreath Can you get a medic alert bracelet. It could help show you are not drunk/high and having a medical episode. Have you got a smartwatch where you can call for help with one touch?

Lived most my life in a major city, but grew up in the countryside. Many years ago, I saw an older man lying in the road at a large roundabout leading to the city centre. Drivers were manouvering round him. I was flabbergasted - stopped to help and called the police as he didn't know his name or address, and was clearly confused. It really dampened my faith in humanity to see him treated like an obstruction in the road.

TBF if I was driving I wouldn't want to stop at a roundabout and risk a traffic accident. I'd go around, park where safe and get out. Perhaps if several people blockaded it a bit that might help but you still risk people trying to drive through.

Are you aware of how ridiculous you sound? Unstable vtach is a fatal rhythm. You are technically dying until you get back out of it!

just like someone in anaphylactic shock is dying- until they are treated and get out of it

This sounded like me talking, mid morning early after the covid restrictions lifted. Everyone was out shopping, and the most common car breakdowns were flat batteries, including ours. The AA were swamped and I left my husband with my phone (he had a habit of not taking his if I have mine) with the car and began to walk the 3 miles home.
Your struggle was mine, on a busy road in daylight with lots of businesses. I stopped to rest at every bus stop and once a bus stopped and the driver asked if I was okay.
I thought it was the fumes from the lorries passing making me ill, so the driver carried on.

Fortunately I had to pass our surgery and decided to buzz the bell for help. I’d been trying to get home for two hours and still had a mile walk! My husband had been rescued by the AA and was already home when the surgery called him to collect me.
My doctor was totally mystified what was wrong with me, other than my heart rate was incredibly slow and getting slower. I was actually unconscious for a while in her room while they performed every test they could think of while, saying by rights there was actually nothing wrong until my heart picked up again.
I was diagnosed with pernicious anaemia shortly after.

you’re so right- if I had a £1 for everytime I was told I seemed anxious or stressed I would be a millionaire! I hope you’re doing better now too! X

well clearly the op didn't die

feelings of "doom" do come over people when they are having heart issues - this is common

That’s a brilliant idea and actually not something I had thought about! thank you!

Exactly, the feeling of doom, but she wasn't dying.

If you're dying you die!

People are generally suspicious. I was mugged in the street last year and had to ask passers by if I could use their phone to call my bank (to cancel cards). Three sets of people just said no and walked off before a nice couple let me use one of their phones - albeit they were also quite suspicious until I explained the situation. They were then v kind and walked me back to my hotel as I had no clue how to get back there without Google maps.

If I had seen you, I would definitely have called 999 to let them know there was someone who looked very unwell on the street.

And I might have come over and offered help, depending on where you were and what you look like. But probably not.

Which is awful, but (like many people) I am afraid of sick, and I would also assume that you were on drugs or drunk. Which means I'd assess you as a vulnerable person, and would make professionals aware that you were vulnerable, but I probably wouldn't intervene.

I would watch you though to make sure you didn't get into a proper pickle. This means I could have just stood and watched you die, I suppose. That's not a great thought.