To be surprised nobody helped me?

[Mintybreath]

i was unwell a few months ago and for some reason it suddenly popped into my head the other day

basically I was walking home and suddenly felt extremely unwell- like I knew I was dying. It was the worst I’ve ever felt in my life. Really awful nausea and palpitations

i was terrified because i felt like i was about to drop dead on the street and i knew I HAD to get home. I don’t actually know why I didn’t even think to call 999, but I just kept thinking I needed to get home. It was 9pm, pitch black and heavily raining. I could barely stand up but forced myself to walk a few steps, and after a few minutes I immediately had to bend down low to try and feel less terrible, then I’d walk a few steps again, then I had to crouch low again. I never collapsed or lost consciousness thankfully but I was violently sick on the street and was visibly not well and in my head I kept thinking I was going to drop dead on the street by myself and I was terrified. It lasted for about 20 minutes and I somehow made it home,

To cut a very long and boring story short, it turns out I actually was unwell, I was in vtach at over 200

It suddenly popped into my head the other day and got me thinking how literally nobody helped. I was walking on the pavement on a main residential road and was visibly unwell- admittedly it was late so not like there were loads of people walking about but I definitely passed people, lots of cars, and a few times I was crouched and struggling to walk right in front of peoples living room windows. I know nobody is obligated to help, but I guess it just surprised me that they didn’t? Is it because they thought I was unwell because of drink/drugs or something and didn’t want to get involved? Or just because it was raining and late at night?

tbh partly my fault because I should have just opened my mouth and called out for help, I don’t really know why I didn’t because I remember thinking please please can someone help me, but I think the palpitations were so awful all I could focus on was GET HOME. Maybe my expectations are a bit off but would others have expected someone to help? Thankfully feeling a lot better now and hopefully I’ll never be in that situation again needless to say!

I am actually surprised by your surprise!

You say it was pitch black and raining- I am sure a lot of people simply didnt see you if you were crouching down. I know I dont stare out of my windows on cold dark rainy days so even if you were right outside my house I wouldn't have spotted you as I would have the blinds closed for privacy. Even if the blinds were open, I probably would have been watching TV and wouldn't have noticed.

Equally, if I had been walking on the other side of the road and spotted a figure crouching down I would have assumed you were adjusting your shoe or picking something up. My first reaction wouldn't be "OMG that person feels like they are going to die! - I must go to help them".

I think you are attributing negative intentions here where none actually existed. If you need help, then ask.

I hope you’re feeling much better now. I agree that most people would help, but don’t want to intervene, are unsure on the situation and worry about their own safety.
We drove past someone clearly collapsed on a green area near our house - husband got out to ask if he was ok - the guy looked dead tbh, he was really drunk and got really aggressive sadly. We phoned for an ambulance and told them the location but that we couldn’t do anything else for his as he was aggressive and we had our child in the car. Hopefully he got the help he needed!

I would imagine it was the time of night and people making assumptions about you perhaps being tipsy or something. I once fainted in our 'Local Sainsbury's' and had three people help me when I came around, two men and a woman and they weren't staff. They alerted staff who took me to a back room and called my husband. However, that was in the daytime in a shop.

I'm so sorry you had this experience.

It reminds me of when I was a 17 year old college student.
I suffer from a rare type of migraine and this particular attack was the worst of my life. Thankfully never had anything like it since (I'm 50 now).
I was travelling home on the college bus. I was really out of it. My right side was numb, I was being sick in a carrier bag, my head felt like someone was pounding it with a sledgehammer, my vision had a huge blind patch that kept flickering and shimmering, I couldn't speak or remember my friend's name.
My stop was different to my friend (who later told me she was really concerned about me) and I got off the bus on my own. When it came to getting off the step my legs wouldn't work.
I staggered home crying as I was so terrified. I kept dropping my bag as my hand was numb.
Not one person I passed on the way home asked if I was okay (clearly I wasn't) or stopped to help.
It was obvious I was on my way home from the college bus (complete with school bag). It was 5pm and I was 17.

Thankfully I did recover and I never had one on that scale again, but it has always stuck in my mind. I have never been so scared.

Last week when it was icy around here, I saw three people come off their bikes, I stopped to ask a late teen lad if he was ok as no one helped him, he looked a bit in shock and said he was alright but thanked me for asking. I then saw a teen girl badly come off her bike and a man who was parked up got out to help as everyone walking past and there were many pedestrians just ignored her. The final older woman fell off her bike and no passing pedestrian actually helped they just looked at her, I was driving off the other side of the road at a junction so couldn't help (was very far away anyway) but in my mirror I did see her walk off with the bike. Even when it is an obvious accident, it seems the bystander effect hits many!

Bloody hell! Where were the staff? So sorry you experienced that.
OP - if it was dark people in their living rooms wouldn't see you, outside.
Runners don't want to interupt their run.
Other people afraid, put off by vomit, assume drink/drugs.
It's incredibly sad that people will just walk/run past. You've almost got to be grateful you weren't mugged or attacked, whilst vulnerable, these days 😕
Glad you're well now 💐

I'm so sorry you were ill, and I hope you have had a speedy recovery. I have known low BP. At work, it's easy - they know me, and I know the signs/symptoms well enough to be able to pre-warn people in good time (plus it helps that I work on a ward!). My DC know what to do too. When I was younger, I remember I was waiting for a bus, and felt like I was going to faint. I quickly explained situ to the lady who was also waiting for the bus, and just asked her to watch my bag. When I came to, she'd gone. Maybe she thought I was drunk or on drugs. I don't know. I've fainted when out and people have just stepped over me, or around me. Again, maybe they think I'm drunk or on drugs (NB I am not!), so are wary of getting involved.

The Kitty Genovese case was awful, and there was a similar situation a few years later, and actually in very close proximity to the Genovese murder. I think a lot of people will think that someone else has reported it, or that someone else will step in to help.

I come from a family of doctors/nurses/emergency service workers etc, so we'd all (assuming no immediate danger to us) stop and help/ask if someone is ok, or call for an ambulance/help and watch from afar. I've taught my DC to do the same.

Op I think people probably assumed you were drunk.

A child fell out of their trolly in Waitrose whilst I was at the check-out - instead of hitting the help button, the check-out assistant felt the need to tell me parent's are told not to put their kids into trolley's but they don't listen - I said you might want to focus you attentions on getting someone to help the child who might be seriously injured. I left the check out to help. Thankfully the child was ok - but it seems that people prefer to judge first and then stand back and do nothing.

On my first morning of a weekend in Paris. I went for a run to see the city, after 15mins running I fell and sprained my ankle - no kidding there were about 10 people who stopped to check I was ok - so much for Parisians being rude - I was overwhelmed by how lovely people were to me.

In my youth (urban, UK major city), one's first instinct would be to look for the nearest police officer on the beat, or even local police station. On a high street, there would often be both. On side roads, less so. I still find myself doing it - to no avail of course.

Because people are often very selfish it would take one decent person to ask you then others would follow

so what if you were drunk or on drugs you were still visably unwell

I have passed out a number of times in public and always had people being kind (once knocked over too by a taxi and the kindness people showed made me cry) but this was when I was young I wonder if I would get the same kindness shown now I am a middle aged women I doubt it

I fainted on the pavement once with two scared under fives next to me. Not a single car stopped.

People can be very disappointing can't they.

Yes I know that surprised feeling. When I was pregnant I was living in an extremely nice area that prides itself on how friendly and community focused it is.

One very hot day in the final stages I was out walking and thought I was going to faint. It had happened a few times previously. I ended up lying on the pavement. I was beyond embarrassment. After a while I felt marginally better but couldn't get up.

There were two men standing a few feet away from me chatting. I started to wonder why they hadn't even asked me if I was ok. I had to get home - about a five minutes walk and I was trying to get myself up safely. I called out to them to help me. They stopped talking and turned to face me and I recognised one of them! He owned the local coffee kiosk. I used of always see him when I was returning from my run - slim and fit pre-pregnancy. He was so friendly and always engaged me for chats, had given me a free coffee on occasion. "Oh it's you!" I said. He looked at me in disdain then nodded to the other man and said "I'll leave you to it."

I asked the other man for water, he irritably walked into his house and returned with a cup of water. I asked him to help me get up, he did but made a huge performance about how much he didn't want to.

Oh this is awful! What did they do?

Did you pass any people? In which case you d need to have asked for help. I wouldn't accompany anyone to a different location so your best bet was to call an ambulance then sit down on a wall.

I wouldn't see a passer by in trouble from my living room or driving

Really interesting to get other perspectives on it- tbh I agree it’s probably because people thought I was intoxicated (still sad obviously that nobody helped but I absolutely understand people would be concerned about their own safety, I would be the same tbh)

just wanted to address the few comments asking why I didn’t call out for help or phone for help, I guess that was the point of my post that I couldn’t do that and nobody helped. I know vtach isn’t something most people have experienced so people might not know first hand but it was horrendous and I was so unwell I couldn’t think properly or get help for myself. I know there’s other situations where people couldn’t ask for help (if they had a severe asthma attack, seizure, knocked out etc) and I guess it’s just scary to think you’re on your own in that situation x

Sadly I’m not surpised OP. Some years ago, my Achilles tendon ruptured suddenly when I was in the park with much younger DC. I was on the ground and screaming in pain. There were so many people in the park with family and some chatting with friends at nearby benches. I could hardly have been more visible, nor audible for that matter. Not one person stopped to ask me if I was OK, even as they were stepping round me to get into the play area. DC buggered off to play on the swings and I had to ring DH to ask him to come and rescue me.

Because people are often very selfish it would take one decent person to ask you then others would follow
so what if you were drunk or on drugs you were still visably unwell

So what? I tried to assist a drunk person once and ending up being assaulted by them (they slapped me hard in the face) - thats why I wouldnt do it again.

It has nothing to do with me being "selfish", and everything to do with my personal safety coming first. That does not make a person "selfish" FGS.

I found this a huge culture shock when I moved to a city from a small country town. I slipped over and banged my head one morning (wet floor and uggs, was asking for trouble!) and despite it being super busy, daylight etc not one person stopped. Compared to a few weeks prior in my hometown where an older lady had tripped on the pavement and my dad and I stopped our bikes, helped her up and took her to a cafe for a sweet cup of hot tea. I'm back in the country now, and the north and would say it's more like the town I grew up in again. I got some bad news out and about a few months ago and was visibly upset and someone stopped to check if I was okay. So does still happen, guess it depends on your location and who's about!!

Saying that wasn't there a social experiment 10 years ago or something where they tried various things like a child crying in a shopping centre, someone dropping their shopping etc in various places and changing how the person was dressed/presented themselves to see how many people would stop and check/help? Seem to remember the only person in London who stopped and offered help with the shopping was Russell Brand! May have been more than one experiment actually, maybe the child one was something to do with unicef?

basically I was walking home and suddenly felt extremely unwell- like I knew I was dying.

But you weren't dying were you!

I'd have stopped for a woman who was ill, if I noticed, even if I suspected that she was drunk.
It happened to my mother year's ago, she was hanging over a barrier trying to catch her breath, people assumed she was drunk until she collapsed.
It is unfortunate.

I am sorry this happened .. very very scary and so sorry that you felt alone.
i think too many people make assumptions.
Ventricular tachycardia is very very scary.

My partner would have wanted to help but wouldn’t have approached a lone woman. If I was by myself I might have been worried it was a mugging set up. Or drugs related.

But I know my concern for myself first is often over ridden. sometimes (like when children seem to be by themselves) I watch from a safe distance to make sure there’s a happy ending or in case I really do need to step in. It’s the sad society we live in 😔

Yeah me neither if I saw someone being sick it woukd make me run the other way tbh as im scared of it

My husband and others did by-stander cpr on a packed moving train out of London on a man that collapsed. He said there was a moment after the man hit the deck that they all paused and looked at each other before jumping in. Very sadly it was not successful, but they all acted swiftly and did everything correctly and gave the man the best possible chance until the paramedics were able to meet the train.

Both of us are trained in first aid and basic life support (previously I’ve had more in depth training). DH is also quietly a ninja. So he would absolutely help anyone, but would have a level of reticence and risk assessment before he moved in.

DH recommends practicing cpr in restricted spaces and in alternative positions, it took them a moment to work it out.

Im sorry that happened OP. I spent last night in a field with the police dealing with an overturned car that I had found.

There are lots of good and nice people out there, so please don't lose faith in humanity. It sounds like you were too unwell to call for help and sadly on this occasion no-one instinctively came to your aid.