To be surprised nobody helped me?

[Mintybreath]

i was unwell a few months ago and for some reason it suddenly popped into my head the other day

basically I was walking home and suddenly felt extremely unwell- like I knew I was dying. It was the worst I’ve ever felt in my life. Really awful nausea and palpitations

i was terrified because i felt like i was about to drop dead on the street and i knew I HAD to get home. I don’t actually know why I didn’t even think to call 999, but I just kept thinking I needed to get home. It was 9pm, pitch black and heavily raining. I could barely stand up but forced myself to walk a few steps, and after a few minutes I immediately had to bend down low to try and feel less terrible, then I’d walk a few steps again, then I had to crouch low again. I never collapsed or lost consciousness thankfully but I was violently sick on the street and was visibly not well and in my head I kept thinking I was going to drop dead on the street by myself and I was terrified. It lasted for about 20 minutes and I somehow made it home,

To cut a very long and boring story short, it turns out I actually was unwell, I was in vtach at over 200

It suddenly popped into my head the other day and got me thinking how literally nobody helped. I was walking on the pavement on a main residential road and was visibly unwell- admittedly it was late so not like there were loads of people walking about but I definitely passed people, lots of cars, and a few times I was crouched and struggling to walk right in front of peoples living room windows. I know nobody is obligated to help, but I guess it just surprised me that they didn’t? Is it because they thought I was unwell because of drink/drugs or something and didn’t want to get involved? Or just because it was raining and late at night?

tbh partly my fault because I should have just opened my mouth and called out for help, I don’t really know why I didn’t because I remember thinking please please can someone help me, but I think the palpitations were so awful all I could focus on was GET HOME. Maybe my expectations are a bit off but would others have expected someone to help? Thankfully feeling a lot better now and hopefully I’ll never be in that situation again needless to say!

Honestly you’re right, I’m not so sure. I like to think I’d have helped but as a young woman, I don’t know for sure I would have (at night in the dark)

I hope I would have stopped to help, and I’d like to say I absolutely would have, but I guess I’d have been concerned for my own safety too, good point.

im so sorry that happened to you! I hope you’re feeling better now x

I've been helped lots of times recently when I was unsteady on my feet/collapsed which I was grateful for, it did cross my mind that I was lucky they didn't think I was on spice.

You just got a bit unlucky with the people who saw you unfortunately 🙁

Actually even if someone WAS on spice you'd make sure they were sat down ok/if they needed medical attention/needed water etc

If it does happen again you won't be so unawares and will think to call an ambulance or ask for help. I have an issue with my heart and before i was on meds, went into svt regularly. Look up vagus manoeuvres. You sort of breathe in deeply, then breathe out as long as you possibly can. I can normally stop an episode doing this. Also bearing down like when you are trying to poo (tmi) and splashing really cold water on your face can work too. Fingers crossed it doesn't happen again, and im glad your feeling better!

It's a shame that even if people felt wary about approaching, they didnt get help. I saw a very drunk/drugged man with a head injury stumbling up a main road. I tailed him while calling for an ambulance. Everytime he saw me he turned around angrily so I had to stop following him, but i was able to give the ambulance directions. There are ways to help even if we very reasonably don't want to put ourselves in harms way. And it sounds like an ambulance to your home would have been helpful in this scenario!

Ah I wouldn't say londoners are that bad. I always got offered a seat. That incident in the jubilee station was the exception out of my experiences. I wondered afterwards if people thought I was just having a (lying down) rest on the bench because I must have staggered onto it before fainting. Still there's definitely a difference in vibe between some areas vs others, that was my point really.

Anyway, thankfully I'll never be pregnant again so won't repeat that! Hope op is also totally better now.

When i was 16, i was once being strangled by a man alot older than me.
We were standing very close to a busy road that was at a standstill, traffic not moving at all.
Many people would of seen this.
Not one person helped or rang the police
I nearly died that day.

No-one wants to get involved

Yeah that's definitely part of it. Sorry you were unwell and hope you're better now x

It was 9pm, pitch black and heavily raining

If I was jogging past, I doubt I'd noticed you were in distress unless I'd seen you struggling or asked for help. I might have wrongly thought in the second I went past that you were crouching to stretch, tie up shoe or something else. Assuming you felt you were going to die would be my last thought!

I used to live with a good view onto a fairly busy rd. I saw all sorts. I did go outside to help someone. However, I had to change out of PJ's and put bra/clothes/coat on. Get keys, let DH know what I was doing incase it was something dodgy. When I 'helped' I then got yelled at for being helpful and they said they were fine!

I'm sorry you were unwell. Don't you have a friend, family member, partner, house mate you could have phoned to alert them how unwell you felt?

If it’s dark and raining they’d be rushing to get to wherever they were and not noticing other people, and especially not the people indoors who’d have to peer out then come out. Even if they had seen, they’d not necessarily have been able to help a vomiting person in the state you describe. Glad you got yourself home safe anyway. People often do help in other circumstances but this wasn’t too surprising given the hour, weather and how it might’ve looked.

They’re not really all bad, I’m just a bit grumpy tonight. Glad some people helped you when you passed out in a lift.

I wonder if once one person helps others decided to join in? Waiting for someone to take charge kind of thing.

Haven’t used the tube in ages but used to feel quite nauseous when I did.

I think scam artists bear a lot of responsibility (I'd assume a woman who approached me asking for help probably was one because they usually are, which is depressing)

Second worry would be I'll maybe be here eight hours with this person waiting for an ambulance

I do wish things were different

I slipped on black ice on a road walking to work last week and couldn’t move. I had so many wonderful people help from the 5/6 people that sat around me to protect me in the road giving me coats and blankets to warning cars I was there. Ambulance came in an hour and they were still there looking after me. Restored my faith in humanity.

As others have said it would have been hard to really know what you were 'on' I know you weren't

I have stopped a few times to ask people if they need help. I've even stopped my car to pick up a few people struggling with groceries - women only and without my children. One time in a group event - where we all knew each other - someone collapsed, I was the only one to start assisting. Most just didn't know what to od.

Next time though ask. I am only imagine in the time though you were just focused on getting home which is understandable. But I think a lot of people would have helped.

I would have helped you. Poor you - you must have been so scared. Hope you’re ok now

Do ask for help another time, it sounds so frightening.

I was in a town centre one day and a woman collapsed in front of me, hitting her head very hard on the stone sill of a window as she fell. Obviously I stopped and knelt down by her and called 999. I asked a lady close by to stop and help me care for her. She refused. Still don't understand that.

My faith was restored a moment later. The woman had no hair and had been wearing a wig which had become dislodged as she fell. A man came out of a takeaway over the road, took his jumper and gently placed it over the top of her head. It was such a humane thing to do. There are some good people about.

It sounds like a truly awful experience and I’m glad you are OK now.

I find it strange because I’m constantly asked if I need help when I’m just trying to get on with my life, at times people decide to “help” me when I don’t want or need help at all and it’s tiring and frustrating. All I’m doing is normal, everyday things in a wheelchair and I don’t look unwell or if I’m having any difficulty with anything, so I can’t understand why a person who is obviously sick wouldn’t get asked if they need help.

That's good to hear.
My elderly dad tripped up the other week and hit his face on the pavement. A nice woman driving by stopped and asked if he wanted a lift home. That restored my faith in humanity too!

Sorry for your experience, OP.

Sorry to hear that Mintybreath. It must have been a very frightening experience for you. I hope you’re keeping well now.

I would and have stopped to offer help to anyone who appeared to be in difficulty. But sadly I think these days people are more likely to pull their phone out and start filming anything untoward than step forward to help.

I tripped and fell a few months ago while walking the dog. I was on the pavement alongside a busy road and multiple cars passed and nobody stopped while I was sprawled on the pavement clinging to the dog lead. I’m in my 70’s and due to arthritis was unable to get myself upright till I’d crawled to a nearby lamppost to hold onto. I felt shaken up and both my knees were bleeding and trousers torn. But I felt invisible.

I'm so sorry. Very hard.

When I was about 21 I had four wisdom teeth out and my boyfriend of the time was due to collect me from the dentist. He didn't and I had to take a train home with my case (I was travelling back from London before the dental work). On the train my pain killer wore off and I was I in such pain I was crying. I would say I didn't really look 21, looked younger, and no one asked me if I was OK.

It's sad that people do not help each other.

I know many years ago I had also been in position of offering help to people who needed it; and did not.

So, I am not sure what the answer is!

But I will bare this in mind in future.

My mum fell in the street a few years ago someone did help her up. That was in the quiet country area I now live in, not in London. Maybe location has something to do with it. Or time of day.

Anyway, I hope you are OK now.

I would have helped you op ! I always seem to be finding distressed people, elderly people who have fallen, confused older people etc. Always try to help if I can. I'm sorry you felt people didn't care.

I fell in the middle of the road a few years ago and hurt my hand and my dog's lead got dropped. A lovely lady elderly lady rescued my dog from the middle of the road and checked I was ok. I was more embarrassed than anything !

9pm at night is very dark, and if you were lurching they would have assumed drink or drugs, probably. It's not nice, but then, people intoxicated to that degree can be violent, which explains why many women kept away. And men may not have wanted people to get the wrong idea and accuse them of harming you. Sad to say, it sounds like one of those situations where everyone was hoping someone more equipped to handle it would come along soon. It doesn't mean the world is filled with horrible people who don't care. It was just really unfortunate.

I'm sorry you went through that. I'm glad you're alright. Obviously you were in a haze in the moment and there's nothing you can do about it now, but in future, try to get inside somewhere. A late night pharmacy, supermarket, restaurant . . . somewhere that's open, and quiet enough that you won't be overlooked in the crowd. Try to ask for help, and if you can't get the words out, just sit down. Even on the floor. People are more likely to notice something's wrong and call for help if you're in "their" space, and your behaviour is non-threatening. I know it's hard to think straight in the moment, but you want to be inside somewhere. In the warm, with others around you. I'm sure I don't have to tell you how badly things could have gone if you'd passed out in the street. Take care of yourself x

I was in a town centre one day and a woman collapsed in front of me, hitting her head very hard on the stone sill of a window as she fell. Obviously I stopped and knelt down by her and called 999. I asked a lady close by to stop and help me care for her. She refused. Still don't understand that.

Could have been any number of reasons, but I will tell you why I wouldn’t have stopped to help (I’m not the woman you asked) - I faint at the sight of blood or certain other medical things, so generally in an emergency the most helpful thing I can do is move away quickly so there’s not another person to worry about / take attention from the person who actually needs it.

If there was nobody else around I would call an ambulance, but couldn’t actually do anything else to help.

I do stop to assist, but mainly is folk on drugs tbh when they’re nearly passed out or stumbling into roads - so an obvious danger to themselves and/or others. I’m amazed at the number of people blind to them though and really annoyed once at shop staff just ignoring a request for an ambulance for ages.
One guy thanked me for helping his girlfriend particularly as apparently most people don’t give them the time of day - clearly true as she collapsed and was unconscious in the middle of the pavement in the middle of the day in front of many people so despite her apparent situation I was surprised to see so many ignore another person.
I’m less wary in a sense of someone in that extreme state than an average appearing person looking a bit ill. I stopped my car as a youngster to see if this 60ish old gentleman staggering into walls needed help and he was suddenly ok and clearly didn’t need the help I would have been prepared to give him - I was quite scared but had stopped a bit away and could drive off in time. I’ve been shouted to keep my nose out and a relative was bitten once trying to help a lady too.
Overall I’m more careful with people who aren’t very, very clearly in bother and incapable of sorting it themselves. I think, sadly, I may have assumed you were drunk but if walking as well in between the sickness, then I may have worried you’d get aggressive - I like to think I’d have shouted over at least at a safe to me distance but can’t be sure, and I’m sorry I’m that person like so many others.
Try and ask if it happens again - I think many are just a bit wary of danger but also of inviting an unpleasant response. If you’re asking then someone may do something if only call for help from a distance from you.