To be surprised nobody helped me?

[Mintybreath]

i was unwell a few months ago and for some reason it suddenly popped into my head the other day

basically I was walking home and suddenly felt extremely unwell- like I knew I was dying. It was the worst I’ve ever felt in my life. Really awful nausea and palpitations

i was terrified because i felt like i was about to drop dead on the street and i knew I HAD to get home. I don’t actually know why I didn’t even think to call 999, but I just kept thinking I needed to get home. It was 9pm, pitch black and heavily raining. I could barely stand up but forced myself to walk a few steps, and after a few minutes I immediately had to bend down low to try and feel less terrible, then I’d walk a few steps again, then I had to crouch low again. I never collapsed or lost consciousness thankfully but I was violently sick on the street and was visibly not well and in my head I kept thinking I was going to drop dead on the street by myself and I was terrified. It lasted for about 20 minutes and I somehow made it home,

To cut a very long and boring story short, it turns out I actually was unwell, I was in vtach at over 200

It suddenly popped into my head the other day and got me thinking how literally nobody helped. I was walking on the pavement on a main residential road and was visibly unwell- admittedly it was late so not like there were loads of people walking about but I definitely passed people, lots of cars, and a few times I was crouched and struggling to walk right in front of peoples living room windows. I know nobody is obligated to help, but I guess it just surprised me that they didn’t? Is it because they thought I was unwell because of drink/drugs or something and didn’t want to get involved? Or just because it was raining and late at night?

tbh partly my fault because I should have just opened my mouth and called out for help, I don’t really know why I didn’t because I remember thinking please please can someone help me, but I think the palpitations were so awful all I could focus on was GET HOME. Maybe my expectations are a bit off but would others have expected someone to help? Thankfully feeling a lot better now and hopefully I’ll never be in that situation again needless to say!

I may have missed it but you don’t mention the area/part of the country you live in and I think it makes a difference.
I live in a small city and people do tend to help each other, a drunk chap literally fell on his back in the road the other day and couldn’t get to his feet due to his large rucksack.
Myself and another lady went to help him and a car stopped as well to give us a hand. We knew he was under the influence due to the large bottle of mostly empty cider he was clutching, once he was back on his feet he thanked us and continued on his way.
Maybe its just the area I live in because it’s not a massive bustling place people have more time/awareness.
It must have been such a scary experience for you

Yes my dad has epilepsy and said in the past when he has needed help that people have thought he was drunk from how his seizures come on. I’m actually a nurse and I learnt that if you’re female, your odds of help in public are less (especially when it comes to receiving cpr) as people fear being accused of things. I also once read it gets more people’s attention to shout fire instead of help as apparently studies showed people get worried if they hear help being shouted so are less likely to intervene! Scary really ☹️

I am trying to imagine the situation and what I would have done.
I would have asked if you needed help if I had seen you. I have done in the past when I have seen people who looked like they neede d help.
But if it was dark and i was driving on my own then I may not have stopped, or even seen you. Especially if I had children in the car.
If it was near a busy street with bars then I might have assumed you were drunk.
If it was on my quiet suburban residential street then I think people would have for sure asked if you were ok. But in a busy area people may assume you are on drugs or drunk, faking it as part of a scam to rob someone, or crazy.
The other thing is that not everyone is a nice person and would stop no matter. Some people are just horrible.

I had a similar thing happen to me @Mintybreath and I didn't ask for help either. I was just panicking as to how on earth I would get home! One woman paused as she passed me, like she wanted to help, but wasn't sure, then carried on walking, as I didn't say anything. I completely understand!

Btw I suspect people thought we were drunk!

Glad you are feeling better now 🌻:)

I've always found this phenomenon interesting and remember reading about Kitt Genovese for the first time. A brief precis is here: https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/basics/bystander-effect

Asking for help is a very good way to galvanise people into action.

I hope you're okay now op?

If you were sick plus it was dark I would be scared to approach you in case you were drunk. If you were asking for help it would be different.
I also wouldn’t notice you from my living room. We have a lot of dog walkers so I don’t pay much attention on someone outside.

I'm so sorry that happened to you and no-one helped. Xxx

Most people would not help a spice user to sit down or conjure them water from the aether no…

@DarkLion I also once read it gets more people’s attention to shout fire instead of help

I must have read the same article! At the time, I thought it was in relation to being raped or the prospect of that. I have thought of that over the years when I've been walking home late and thinking- yell fire, not help. Terrible to even have to think that really.

Absoloutely! It’s always stuck in my thoughts too ☹️

Really sorry that happened to you, did they find out why you were in vtach. Hopefully they explained what caused it and corrected the underlying problem. People are not supposed to go into vtach, so make sure you've been given an adequate explanation.

If it happens again (it shouldn't if they've corrected the cause) dial 999 and sit down, wherever you are, don't put any more strain on your heart by trying to walk.

Sorry that you had that experience OP but I'm afraid it's not a new thing. I suffered from severe migraines in my teens and early 20s and would sometimes get rapidly incapacitated. Nobody ever helped me. I remember once being taken ill at the bus stop just down the road from our house. I totally lost my vision and just had to lie down on the pavement and wait until I could see enough to safely cross the road and stagger home. I was probably lying there about half an hour and I could hear many people walking past but not one stopped to help. I was about 14 and under 5ft/ 7 stone so hardly a threat to anyone. It's depressing how uncaring some people can be.

I was like that a few years ago except it was broad daylight. If people saw me they'd have thought I was pissed as a fart. I wasn't. I was having a mini stroke and now suffer with vertigo as a result. I always check on people even if it's clear as day they're on something

I wouldn't mind helping someone but if I saw someone that may have looked as you did, I might not have asked because what could I do really. Asking "are you ok" wouldn't be helpful, I'd assume if they are walking along, they could ask for help or call an ambulance if needed.

I haven't been exactly in your situation but I've been sick while out or drunk on occasion and looked worse for wear stumbling down the street, and I just wanted to get home quickly. Wasting time talking to a stranger wouldn't have helped.

It's a weird one - often when you pass by it takes a minute or so to register what's happening. By that point you've already passed so it's a case of should I turn back?

I can think of a couple of scenarios recently where I didn't do anything but afterwards I regretted it. Walking back from work a guy in a suit completely barged into me - I was so annoyed. But as I looked at him as he passed he seemed totally disorientated and wasn't walking in a straight line or even aware he had just barged me. Afterwards I realised he was either extremely drunk or very sick. I wondered if I should go after him but didn't.

The other one was a girl completely sobbing - almost distraught. She was on the phone or I would have stopped. I thought of her for a few days after wondering what had happened.

A funny one for you- I once did stop after a drunk girl was crying. She said she had been mugged at the cash point and I was giving her all the sympathy ready to call the police etc. It turned out a guy had said he would do the cash point for her as she was drunk and asked for her pin. Then she was gobsmacked when he withdrew £200 and ran off. I think I waited with her until someone came to collect her.

Sadly like pps I think it’s because people assume drink / drugs is the cause

I was seriously unwell a few years ago with food poisoning and was vomitting outside near a car park (literally was very far from any public toilets and couldn’t stop it) and someone rolled their window down and shouted at me calling me a dirty drunken bitch and other things

hope you made a swift recovery

Happened to me at a Bon Jovi concert - everyone assumed I was drunk. I was pregnant. Sorry no-one came to your aid but not surprised.

I did find somebody passed out on a grass verge of a street and I called an ambulance. I was very nervous about approaching and I had a small child in the car on the way to an important medical appointment for him. In the end I doubled back (because he could have been sunbathing but I thought then it was an odd place and really not that sunny) and I approached very gingerly - couldn't smell alcohol, he was alive but deeply unconscious. I had to go but luckily some other people arrived who could stay with him till the ambulance arrived. (Not in the UK and there was a good chance an ambulance would arrive relatively quickly.) It was broad daylight and a fairly busy street and I was fairly nervous about approaching. I think there is probably a natural animal instinct to avoid sick animals which is going on with people too but then there is the social contract that we should assist others in trouble. To be honest, I don't think I would intervene when somebody was stumbling down the street vomiting at regular intervals (and that's even though I know the symptoms of concussion can look like that without the person being drunk).

There's another thread where someone helped another person (in a different way) and got treated to a load of abuse.

That sounds really scary OP. I'm sorry that happened to you and no one helped.

I think if it was dark and rainy the people in the cars probably didn't notice and the same for the people in the houses.

There are still some kind people about. If anyone had something like that happen in my town or a fall or something, people would definitely stop to help.

I would and do and have nearly always stopped / asked if people are OK and dealt with all sorts if incidents / accidents / fires on the street. I carry a decent first aid kit including naloxone and a resus mask after doing CPR in the street without one and needing to have Hep tests afterwards. I've stopped to talk to people standing on bridges known to be suicide spots to check they are OK and talked someone down from possibly harming themselves.

However, I am emetophobic and so the one thing I can't deal with is if someone is vomiting, so would've found it very hard to assist someone in your position. I'd hope to be able to at least ask from a distance if you were OK, but the likelihood is I'd end up sick as well, so I'm not sure how much help I would've been to you.

I wonder if once one person helps others decided to join in? Waiting for someone to take charge kind of thing.

This is known as the "bystander effect" whereby people are less likely to offer help as the number of bystanders increases. This effect can also operate in busy places like streets, shops, stations and so on. Social responsibility is diffused among all those present in such areas. This makes individuals less likely to help, which is a personal duty. Other factors include fear of judgement (interfearing) and not knowing how to help. Each person feels less personally accountable and is hoping that someone else will step in and take charge. People also look to others to interpret a situation. If they see passers by ignoring someone who appears to need help they may interpret that as not being an emergency.

People who step up and help may have recieved some special training (firt aider/emergency worker/police officer) whereby their natural response is to take charge. Or they may be the type of person who is comfortable in assuming social responsilility, delegating roles, and so on.

If ever that's happened again. You shout help me, please call me an ambulance.

Dd went back to university on the train just after her 21st. I'd had a violent horrid bug but she swore she was fine. Was suddenly violently ill on the way up from London to her Northern city with the biggest suitcase ever. Informed train staff but they assumed she was drunk/drugged. I was on the phone to her. It was awful. She ended up lying crying on the floor of a disabled toilet in Liverpool Lime Street. I called the station. The woman who went to deal with her told her to get a taxi. Her lovely friend eventually got there and phoned 111. She ended up with an ambulance and on a drip. It was awful for her.

She missed the exam she'd gone up for and as the hospital hadn't sent her info to her gp that took her another few hours of rubbish to sort so she could retake. Young people are treated awfully in this situation.

No,they won't walk round. I once got very faint on a tube at rush hour - no seats, so I sat on the floor to avoid falling on to anyone, and people just stepped over me. No one asked if I was okay.

My living room is by the street. If it's dark, I'll have usually closed my curtains, but if I haven't, I can't see much outside, especially in poor weather.

I probably would stop if I saw, and have stopped in the past. I'm a first aider at work, and my main reason for doing that is because I would hate to find someone in the street and have no idea what to do. Yes, they might be drunk or high, but they might be diabetic or it be something else. I have stopped for drunk people too. I once was out with friends and there was a guy with his very drunk friend who was lying down in the middle of the road. I helped his mate get him up and to a safer place - at which point, I said, "Good luck," and left them to it. I suspect if my male friend had tried , the drunk guy might have taken a swing at him,but I was at less risk of that as a woman.

But I can also be incredibly unobservant at times, if I'm thinking about something, and it's quite possible I just wouldn't notice then.