To be surprised nobody helped me?

[Mintybreath]

i was unwell a few months ago and for some reason it suddenly popped into my head the other day

basically I was walking home and suddenly felt extremely unwell- like I knew I was dying. It was the worst I’ve ever felt in my life. Really awful nausea and palpitations

i was terrified because i felt like i was about to drop dead on the street and i knew I HAD to get home. I don’t actually know why I didn’t even think to call 999, but I just kept thinking I needed to get home. It was 9pm, pitch black and heavily raining. I could barely stand up but forced myself to walk a few steps, and after a few minutes I immediately had to bend down low to try and feel less terrible, then I’d walk a few steps again, then I had to crouch low again. I never collapsed or lost consciousness thankfully but I was violently sick on the street and was visibly not well and in my head I kept thinking I was going to drop dead on the street by myself and I was terrified. It lasted for about 20 minutes and I somehow made it home,

To cut a very long and boring story short, it turns out I actually was unwell, I was in vtach at over 200

It suddenly popped into my head the other day and got me thinking how literally nobody helped. I was walking on the pavement on a main residential road and was visibly unwell- admittedly it was late so not like there were loads of people walking about but I definitely passed people, lots of cars, and a few times I was crouched and struggling to walk right in front of peoples living room windows. I know nobody is obligated to help, but I guess it just surprised me that they didn’t? Is it because they thought I was unwell because of drink/drugs or something and didn’t want to get involved? Or just because it was raining and late at night?

tbh partly my fault because I should have just opened my mouth and called out for help, I don’t really know why I didn’t because I remember thinking please please can someone help me, but I think the palpitations were so awful all I could focus on was GET HOME. Maybe my expectations are a bit off but would others have expected someone to help? Thankfully feeling a lot better now and hopefully I’ll never be in that situation again needless to say!

I think this. DD felt faint at a bus stop in the middle of the day. A young man went and bought a bottle of water for her and someone else waited until DH got there to collect her. Sometimes people are kind.

@Mintybreath what is vtach?

They might not have seen you. I once had a tonic clonic seizure on my mum’s street in the dark, woke up, and walked to hers. No-one had found me! Highly bizarre really but it happens 🤷‍♀️

Ventricular tachycardia

This is sad that you were struggling on your own. I guess it’s just like everyone said people are frightened these days of approaching people, getting it wrong etc. which is totally understandable but I do think I would have asked if you were ok. When I was pregnant I vomited on a very busy street and was trying to be discreet (it came on very suddenly after having not had any vomiting for weeks so was not prepared) and one nice person came up with a tissue and gave it to me and asked was I ok. I babbled at them thank you just so you know I’m pregnant not drunk! It really meant so much to me that they did that. Hope you feel better now.

I’m so very sorry.
That must’ve been scary and isolating and oh the thoughts you must have had!

It’s 2025 - when people don’t know why a person is in trouble or even if they’re in trouble at all. Could it be a trap to rob someone? Not out of the question. Could the person have overdosed on some bad drugs? Not out of the question, either.
Could it be medical? Of course? But lots of people just won’t take the chance - sad.
People hesitate now like they never did in years past.
It could be medical and it could be drugs and it could be psychological - and people worry about their own safety too.

It’s a sad state of affairs, all the way around, @Mintybreath— I hope you’re all well today and your recovery has been swift and smooth.
Sending love from faraway ❤️

I always stop and ask if someone needs help, have called ambulances, given rudimentary first aid. Appalled that others don't. I met a young stroke victim who said she collapsed in the street and lay there ignored for ages though she WAS crying for help. Eventually it was a homeless man who helped her and stayed with her until the ambulance arrived.

I’d have stopped 100%. I have stopped strangers in the street before and checked they are ok. Walked past a lady crying in a hospital, stop to check they are ok. That’s just me. I couldn’t walk past a person in clear need. Sounds so scary.

My friend and I came across a young woman lying in the pavement a year ago and she said she couldn’t get up, she had been ill and suddenly couldn’t feel or move her legs, it was raining and we called an ambulance and waited with her holding coats over her for 90mins and when the ambulance arrived she got up and climbed in. It turned out she did it regularly and lived near the hospital and used the ambulance as a taxi service, which is probably why they didn’t rush. The ambulance crew knew her very well.
I am much more sceptical now, we got absolutely soaked and missed our lunch. I like to think I would stop again, but I partly wish we had walked by like other people instead of being taken in by her.

This. For the few passersby. People aren't going to be looking out of their living room windows at night when their curtains are closed. Not safe for cars to stop late at nignt either - I wouldn't.

Unfortunately fellow posters are probably right, passersby will most likely have assumed that you were drunk or on drugs and gave you a wide berth.

i am guilty of this myself, only last week a girl was vomiting into her handbag on the tube platform. I should have asked her if she was okay and if she needed help but instead I avoided her because my instinct was not to get involved in case she was abusive.

equally though I was once very ill with food poisoning and sat in the doctors surgery with a bucket waiting to be seen, and I heard a man sitting opposite say PISSED! in a very loud whisper. It was not pleasant to be judged like that but I was too ill to defend.

I’m sorry no one intervened to help you OP

If you needed help you should have asked

I would have perhaps assumed you were drunk and have been wary. I'm sorry no one helped you.

I have asked someone if they were ok recently. A teenager out in crocs looking very dithery and unsure about direction. He had run out of his house after his dad had been screaming and swearing at him. He was frightened.

I haven't read the whole thread, but did you call out for help?

Yes, usually that time of night I would assume intoxicated and keep my distance unless you actually fell on the street or were being assaulted. If you asked for me for help I would help though.

I have a friend who has tachycardia - when she presented herself on A and E the staff thought she was drunk and it took her a long time to convince them otherwise. So suspect you have no chance with general public

I would have helped. I’ve stayed with a stranger whilst drunk and vomiting before. A stranger’s also done that for me when I was unwell.

Also diabetics look drunk when unwell, I always ask if people are ok and need something - even if they’re just crying.

I remember being stuck in an airport as a teenager alone and crying and not a single person asked what was wrong and if they could help - I never want anyone else to have that feeling of isolation I did.

I had a serious accident where I was around lots of people think exhibition where I was jolted off some machinery backwards and left hanging if I had of cone free I would have gone under some seriously big wheels. People saw and watched did anyone help me .... no. Thankfully family had seen me from a distance and came running over to help.

OP that must have been so frightening at the time. Glad you made it but jeez really felt for you reading that.

Wonder if at least in part the apathy due to by stander effect? Add in that people might have thought drink/drugs that might explain it.

Good lesson for us all, that when it’s safe to do so to try and help where we can. Just hope you feeling fully recovered now.

Copy/Paste for info:

Bystander Effect (or bystander apathy), which was first experimentally demonstrated by John Darley and Bibb Latané in 1968. Their research found that an individual is significantly less likely to help a victim when other people are present than when they are alone.

Key Findings on Group Size and Helping
Darley and Latané conducted several famous experiments that quantified this behavior:

• The Seizure Study: Participants were placed in separate rooms and communicated via intercom. When they heard another "student" (an actor) having a seizure:
• Alone: 85% of participants rushed to help.
• With 2 others: Helping dropped to 62%.
• With 4 others: Only 31% offered help.

• The Smoke-Filled Room: Participants were in a room completing a questionnaire when smoke began to fill it:
• Alone: 75% reported the smoke.
• In a group of 3: Only 38% reported it.
• With 2 passive actors: Only 10% took action.

Why This Happens

Psychologists identified three main reasons for this decrease in helping:

1. Diffusion of Responsibility: When others are present, the personal "cost" of not helping is shared. Individuals assume someone else will take charge or has already called for help.
2. Pluralistic Ignorance: People look to others to see how to react. If everyone else remains calm, individuals conclude the situation must not be a real emergency.
3. Evaluation Apprehension: People fear being judged by the group or looking foolish if they intervene in a situation that turns out to not be an emergency.

Exceptions and Later Research
While the bystander effect is a "remarkably robust phenomenon," it is less pronounced in certain contexts:

• Dangerous Emergencies: In obvious life-threatening situations, people are more likely to help regardless of group size because the need is clear.

• Public Settings (Subway Study): A 1969 field study by Piliavin et al. on a New York subway found much higher helping rates (up to 95% for a victim with a cane), suggesting that when bystanders cannot "escape" the scene, they are more likely to intervene.

I once found a woman lying in the gutter outside our house on new years day. I asked her gently if she was ok or needed any help and she stumbled up, told me to go fuck myself, then vomited all over my shoes.

So, yeah, I am not super keen to approach anyone now. I am the kind of person that if I am vomiting I just want to be left alone. That said, if someone asked me for help, of course I would give it.

But I dont think people are being uncaring not to have noticed you in the dark.

I once got knocked off my bike by a car during the rush hour to work. When I got up off the ground I looked at the people nearby and someone from my football team was standing right there in the bus stop queue.

I looked directly at him, to reassure him that I was okay, but he totally blanked me.

I found that incredibly odd. I thought he would at least have caught my eye.

I think people can be quite shocked when they see someone hurt or unwell. I think it take a lot of courage to stop and help.

I had something similar when I was pregnant and on a hospital site during the day. At the time, I was too ill to think to ask for help, I was just trying not to pass out. But afterwards, I wondered about the people who had walked past.

That must have been terrifying. Slightly in their defence, the people in houses are likely to have their curtains shut. Cars will be focusing on the road and wouldn’t necessarily spot a dark shadow behaving oddly. Similar with people on other side of road, most people are only aware of their immediate surroundings particularly at night/in ooor visibility. If anyone walked past you when you were crouched and struggling then yes they should have helped but (and I’m speaking from experience here) it’s possible at the points people were near you, you instinctively tried to act normal and was actually walking fairly normally at those points.
Years ago I began to badly choke (the silent kind) I was in a bar and instinctively I ran to the disabled toilet to (stupid given it meant I was alone and behind a locked door. ) luckily I retched it up (sticky sweets that had formed a throat sized glob in my mouth) I don’t know what compelled me to do that , embarrassment maybe? But I’m guessing it’s the same instinct that stopped you from laying down and ringing an ambulance. The same one animals get, when we fear death we want to be in a safe place.