MOH for sister and newborn not allowed in wedding venue

[Elliee0810]

I am the MOH for my sister for her wedding in May. We are both very close!
After 4 miscarriages I am expecting my miracle baby 6 weeks before the wedding (if baby is overdue this could be 4 weeks).
I have asked my sister if my MIL could look after the baby upstairs in the hotel room the entire day. My sister has said in the past she wouldn’t want the baby to steal the limelight so I thought if baby is “hidden” nearby I can quickly nip up if I’m breastfeeding or if he won’t settle. My sister has absolutely said the baby is not welcome at the wedding (which I understand a tiny bit) or not welcome to stay in a hotel room upstairs being cared for. She said it’s her day and should be all about her and not the baby and that she’d resent me and the baby if he was on the premises. She said she was happy for the baby to stay nearby in another hotel or air bnb but that costs a fortune and the closest one is the 20+ minutes drive away.I don’t think I’ve ever been so hurt or offended in my life. I don’t know what to do. My husband is a groomsman and he’s thinking of not attending the wedding now as the baby will need a parent being so young. Will the baby be okay to be apart for 1-2 days? Will I be okay with this being 4-6 weeks PP? Does anyone have any advice?

I wouldn't go a newborn is not okay without its mum for 1 to 2 days and a mum is not okay without there baby for 1 to 2 days. I think you may find yourself unable to leave your baby. Your Sister is being ridiculous, spoilt and entitled.

Fuck that! What a narcissist. I wouldn’t have even offered your solution of you MIL being onsite nearby with your baby as I wouldn’t be able to do even that.
This is your sisters neice/nephew, you have fought hard for this baby and those first few weeks are precious and bloody hard (in the best way!)
If anything she should be bending over backwards to make this easier for you as you will still be physically fragile, maybe breastfeeding, sleep deprived, emotional, and all whilst taking care of a newborn baby! Any good friend let alone a sister would take all pressure off you and be grateful for you even trying to attend that soon after birth.
I am so easy-going but I honestly could and would not forgive her behaviour/attitude; I would not be attending unless baby can be with me all day in my arms and I would make sure everyone knew the reason I wasn’t attending is due to sisters bridezilla demands! I’m gobsmacked!!

Tell your sister now that you won't be attending the wedding. You have no idea what the situation will be regarding breastfeeding or bottle feeding - the baby may only breast feed, they may not bottle feed, you have no idea. There's no reason for your sister not to understand this fact. Either she is so against having a baby at the wedding because of personal reasons like she's lost a child recently, in which case it's reasonable she doesn't want the baby around, but she will understand that it means you can't be. Or she just doesn't care about anyone but her, in which case she's a selfish person and she can be upset that you aren't at her wedding, but it's her fault you aren't so who cares!

Yep. I mean is she fucking mad.

Just say you can’t commit to the wedding right now so it’s best you and DH drop out the wedding party. Then if you feel upto it attend for a small amount of time but equally if you don’t feel ready to leave your baby / if you had a c section etc you can drop out

This is what I was trying to say but wasn’t so bold!

Just say no now because when the time comes there's no way you will do this and it will be worse last minute. Also your sister is a bit of a bitch.

I highly doubt this is true but if it is just step down from being MOH.
Its either that or the the baby comes.

I wouldn’t go at all. A 4-6 week old baby that you’re planning on breastfeeding is not easy to leave.

She’s being an absolute dick about not allowing the baby in a hotel room upstairs. She’d resent the baby if he was on the premises?? Is she out of her mind?

I had a wedding in an extremely unusual and exclusive place (think only a couple of weddings allowed their a year and outing so can’t say) and wanted a child free wedding but even I said my cousin could have her ten week old with her. What a complete bitch!

I'd frame it so that you might ruin her wedding/the photos

"I'm afraid that I'm not going to be back in shape for the dress by then. And of course there's every chance that my boobs will leak onto it."

She'll be begging you to resign.

I'd tell her either baby comes and stays in room the entire time or she finds a new MOH. What is wrong with her?

OP i’m actually shocked reading your post. This is absurd behaviour from your sister. I would be saying I won’t be able to attend the wedding in that case. Jesus Christ, some people really do need a reality check

Your sister is being a fucking twat and I’d tell her that.

I’m all for child free weddings but if she wants you there then at a minimum your baby needs to be upstairs in a hotel room so you can get to them quickly. But surely it would actually be less disruptive for you to have the baby with you so you can easily feed if needed etc.

I’d remind her that refusing to have your baby there likely means you being forced to miss her wedding.

I would decline now. Baby will be 4-6 weeks old at the time of the wedding. When my children were 6 weeks old I barely knew what day or the week it was.

The first time you leave your newborn your hormones will go wild. You will still be having broken sleep at 4-6 weeks. I ended up with forceps and I was still in pain after 6 weeks and wouldn’t have managed a whole day at a wedding (assuming you get ready with the bride you could easily be on the go from 7am to midnight) I’ve haven’t had a C-section but I imagine you would struggle with a long day on the go. If you are bf then you will be feeding every 3/4 hours if you are lucky. If you ‘miss’ a feed your boobs will become engorged and rock hard. You will be very uncomfortable after a few hours.

You will NOT want to be parted from your newborn for more than 1-2 hours and even that may be painful, regardless of breastfeeding or not. Your sister is ridiculous.

Blimey 9 whole pages of ranting and not a peep from the op

Your sister is being ridiculous. I think you should step down now from being MoH because you are not going to be able to be at her beck and call every second of her wedding day. You have no idea how your baby will be at 4-6 weeks old and she is rejecting your sensible suggestion that would allow you to be with her and focus on her as much as possible. The bride is the centre of attention, if she's worried about competition she should be planning to hold your baby all day!

TBH you might not even feel up to being a MOH 4-6 weeks after giving birth. You could still be bleeding, have sore breasts, suffering from a severe lack of sleep, and you may even need a Caesarian..

Oh wow. I'd decline being MOH. Your baby comes first.

She'll be unhappy but she will understand if she has kids in the future!

I don’t have DC and still think bollocks to that
you won’t know how you will feel, probably won’t want to get dressed up etc
stay home with the baby, a cup of tea and cake

Both you and H decline now. You may still need alot of help at 4-6 pp. Depending on how baby is feeding, if you're breastfeeding, pumping, formula or a combination . You will also most likely be mentally and physically exhausted babies have a growth spurt and mega cluster feeding at around that time.

Please read up on the 4th trimester. The first 12 weeks are so important for you and baby and the baby will not know he isn't a separate person yet. He will 100% need you. A couple of hours here and there are fine to be away but I wouldn't push it any longer than that.

Your sister is being super unreasonable. I can bet you any money from what she's said to you, that she wouldn't dream about being apart from her baby if the roles were reversed.

Do what's best for you and your newborn .

Good luck and congratulations x

Being jealous of a newborn baby is absurd. Is this a deeper jealousy? Perhaps she wishes to have children herself? Your sister is incredibly selfish and unsupportive at a time when you need the most love. This would be the end of a relationship for me.

I couldn't have attended a wedding in my own house that soon after giving birth. If your sister ever has a child, she will realise her error and be sorry she put you in this position.

Tell your sister you will be unable to attend if the baby is not on the premises. Neither she nor the guests need to see him if thats what she wishes but he absolutely needs to be in the same hotel. The baby may be breasfed and at only a few weeks old. I think you will resent your sister forcing you to be apart from him and i also don’t think you will enjoy the day. Your husband i assume would feel the same way.
what is the issue exactly with him being upstairs away from her and all the guest’s???
I also think him not being there will cause the other guests to question why he is 20 minutes away and not upstairs and make her look bad/mean for making you choose her or your baby so maybe mention that