MOH for sister and newborn not allowed in wedding venue

[Elliee0810]

I am the MOH for my sister for her wedding in May. We are both very close!
After 4 miscarriages I am expecting my miracle baby 6 weeks before the wedding (if baby is overdue this could be 4 weeks).
I have asked my sister if my MIL could look after the baby upstairs in the hotel room the entire day. My sister has said in the past she wouldn’t want the baby to steal the limelight so I thought if baby is “hidden” nearby I can quickly nip up if I’m breastfeeding or if he won’t settle. My sister has absolutely said the baby is not welcome at the wedding (which I understand a tiny bit) or not welcome to stay in a hotel room upstairs being cared for. She said it’s her day and should be all about her and not the baby and that she’d resent me and the baby if he was on the premises. She said she was happy for the baby to stay nearby in another hotel or air bnb but that costs a fortune and the closest one is the 20+ minutes drive away.I don’t think I’ve ever been so hurt or offended in my life. I don’t know what to do. My husband is a groomsman and he’s thinking of not attending the wedding now as the baby will need a parent being so young. Will the baby be okay to be apart for 1-2 days? Will I be okay with this being 4-6 weeks PP? Does anyone have any advice?

Your sister needs a serious headwobble and to have her bridezilla stick removed from her backside!

Absolutely no way you can be away from such a young baby.
definitely either just tell her that you baby will be in a room with MIL, or you will have to withdraw.

You can’t be separated from a 4-6 week old baby. They are utterly dependent on their mothers. Even popping up to a room in the same hotel multiple times a day is going to be incredibly stressful for both you and the baby.

Your sister needs to understand that if the baby can’t attend the wedding, you won’t be able to be there except extremely briefly. At most I would attend the ceremony. Your husband could be just outside with the baby.

OP respectfully your sister……..actually I better not as I might get banned. How are you close & that’s her attitude knowing this is your miracle baby!!!!

I know it’s her big day but seriously some women need to get a grip.

If your baby is with your MIL in a room how is that going to affect her?!

What are your parents saying?

If it was me it’s a non-negotiable that your baby is there & OP you do not know how you will be feeling after the birth so you may need the room yourself to rest. A wedding is a lot!

If your own sister can’t see that & accommodate you & nephew then she is not much of a sister. How you can worry about a small baby taking any limelight is selfish in my opinion.

Apologies if it sounds harsh but she knows what you have gone through ‘supposedly’ & her reaction is cold.

Please put yourself and your baby first if your family won’t.

For someone to be that jealous of a tiny baby is just ridiculous,

my brother and his wife organised their child’s baptism for the week after my dd was born, they did it in the hope we wouldn’t go, but I was determined not to miss my nephews baptism. She didn’t want my baby to steal her child’s limelight. It’s all so sad.

personally I’d back out of being MOH and tell her you can’t commit to that when you have such a tiny baby. I’d also be saying that your baby comes to the wedding or you won’t be there either, she can not expect you to leave such a small baby.

If she has children (and maybe even if not) she will one day remember saying those things and behaving this way and cringe.

Totally unreasonable. Do not go!

Your bridezilla sister is being a crazy crazy beeatch. Her general bridezilla behaviour will only get worse as the wedding draws closer. Pull out now and sit back and watch the shit show from the sidelines safe in the knowledge you are well out of it.

How unreasonable of your sister. I cant imagine for one minute that you will want to leave your new born baby amd what if youre breastfeeding. All babies are special but it sounds like yours is a miracle baby and you will want to do everything to give this baby the best in life.
I cant believe she expects you to put the baby in a different hotel so you will have to travel back and forth to feed him/her.
I think youre being more than reasonable asking your MIL to look after the baby upstairs out of the way.
Can you ask your mum.to speak to your sister perhaps? What does she think?
If not I would say to your sister that due to the age of your baby and as you maybe breastfeeding then you will either need the baby to be upstairs in the hotel or unfortunately you won't be able to go to the wedding.

My sister had a baby 6 weeks before my wedding, and I asked nothing of her, baby was invited to the whole thing. No one who was there would in any way think the baby upstaged her. Your sister is being really self centred.

Tell her you're not going. I didn't want to leave my babies at that age and I hadn't had the trauma you've had to get them. Stay home and soak up every little squeek and cuddle with your newborn

Oh dear oh dear. I hope you and your sister can find a solution and the grace to forgive one another so this doesn’t create a massive rift between the two of you. Because none of you have children yet I think you can have the grace to forgive some naive expectations from your sisters end.

You’ve proposed a very reasonable solution. A sacrifice on your end but still achievable. I hope your sister will come around and see that or that you discuss a way to be less involved so that it will take the pressure off “perfect attendance” for you and decrease stress/uncertainty for your sister.

I’m having my third baby soon. I’d decline any invitation - except maybe if my sister was to get married, I’d try to make it work but only with a close family member or husband watching the baby and with the flexibility of being able to leave early if needed. Even if baby wasn’t with me I’d likely need to leave shortly to pump so that I wouldn’t leak milk all over my dress. At this stage probably feeding every 3 hours or so. On the other hand it would be very hard for me to see the baby and then say goodbye so my preferred solution might have been to let husband watch the baby and give expressed milk. And only stay for a certain amount of hours. But there is always the uncertainty - at this stage you don’t even know if the baby will take a bottle only contact nap and so on. What’s good about the age though is that they tend to sleep a lot and in a way be less fussed about who is holding them as long as they are carried a lot.

All that being said, your sister is showing some odd behaviour and people have raised the question of other expectations around hen/wedding that you may not be able to fulfil and expectations is better set early. Not sure how to best do that with a person already so sensitive to perceived unfair treatment. Your parents attention will probably be important to assure her she is loved and not forgotten.

You don't know how you'll feel 4/6 weeks after your baby is born. I think your sister is being unreasonable, certainly not you. I'm shocked that she won't allow her newborn niece or nephew attend the wedding and to not allow them to be in a hotel room at the venue is shocking. What have your parents said about this?
Personally, I wouldn't be attending the wedding, my children come first. I would say that you've been more than accommodating.

What a bridezilla! Absolutely no way!!! The baby NEEDS YOU and is solely reliant on you. You will be angry with her for the rest of your life for the trauma she will put both you and your baby (who will be THE most important person in your life, you're whole reason for living!) and just WANTS to be centre of attention, which she will be even if the baby attended. The baby will get a few 'aww cute' faces, and most people will leave you alone or hold him while you pop to the toilet. She should be happy for you, as you are for her. Neither or you understand what it's like looking after a newborn. They want their mumma, and they want them 100 % of the time and they are not prepared to be reasonable on this, and nor should they. Your sister needs to compromise. You and your baby make up one whole being. You will feel
his absence as much as he will yours. You cannot be away from him for a whole day. You will both be miserable, while your sister will be having the time of her life, not even noticing you. She is being utterly unreasonable, selfish and self centered. Surely your mother had had a word with her on this?

good luck!!! Do not bend to the will of others, your mother instincts are correct! You baby NEEDS you, she doesn't, she JUST wants the spotlight. She needs to get over herself, she is not more important than a helpless newborn baby who just wants (needs!) his mummy.

Honestly, there is not much worse than forcing a baby to be apart from his mummy. It's unnatural and cruel.

Your sister sounds absolutely horrible. Tell her you need to put your baby first and won’t be able to go.

Someone who doesn’t have children themselves shouldn’t get to dictate this! She has no idea what she’s talking about. It would be me and baby together all day or not going

Sorry its come to this and that your parents have to "mediate".

I think you made a wise choice. Even if baby was allowed you wouldn't be able to put the effort into being an MOH that someone like your sister would expect... because you'd be busy tending to the baby unless they were asleep... but there's no guarantee they would sleep through it.

You are actually doing her a favour. You have no guarantee of arrival date, your health and feelings and the babys... It might all go like a dream and I hope it does, but you will be learning to care for your baby and might have some hurdles. What if you had to have a C Section? People do and recover and its all good, but I doubt you'd want to go to a wedding straight after one.

It's rotten of your sister to stress you out over this whilst you are pregnant and frankly I would say that to your parents too... who should know better...There is nothing to "mediate" that makes it sound like you are also being witholding but you are thinking of yourself and your baaby's well being.. and quite right too!.
There is no half way in her position.
Your parents should be explaining to her that she needs to stop tantruming and accept that although you'd have liked to be MOH... its just not possible.

You are not being unreasonable.

Wait til she has a child and you don’t invite her tiny baby to something big for you!
will she realise what an idiot she was or continue being so self-absorbed?

Wow this is bonkers! Poor form of the bride to not allow the baby to be in the premises. I personally think if she wanted you there she would allow the baby there actually at the wedding.
when I got married we said no to kids, but only because we had so many guests with children it would have got out of hand, but we did invite immediate family children - as in our nieces and nephews. If we had guests with nursing babies we would have also allowed.
i also attended a wedding with my son being 2 weeks old as DH was a grooms man. The bride had no issues at all. I always took baby to the hotel room to feed or if fussing. At no point did I steal the attention.

Personally?

I'd tell your sister you won't be attending.

If she's that self-centred and selfish to worry about a baby 'stealing her thunder', even her MOH SISTER's much longed for newborn after multiple miscarriages, she doesn't deserve to have you standing up for her. She's failing to be there for you. Selfish cunt, imo.

I totally agree with all of the above.
No you absolutely won’t want to leave your baby that early. We had 2 newborn babies at our wedding. They slept and fed. We were just really glad their parents came. We had lots of other children too and they brought so much joy it was lovely to have them.

I’m guessing your sister doesn’t have children so has no idea how unacceptable and ridiculous this is. Maybe one day she will understand but for now I would politely decline. Do you have anyone else like your own mum or another sibling to talk to her and explain how mental this is?

Bridezilla alert! I have rarely come across such breathtaking self entitlement. Give your apologies now, and enjoy your time together as a new family.
i once knew a couple who refused to have any children or babies at their wedding. We gave our excuses. It turns out nearly everyone else did. (We were all of an age to have small children and babies). Hardly anyone went. I’m sure the couple enjoyed their day with their ‘rather fine choir’ and exquisite cuisine at the hotel, but they did it with hardly anyone there. Many guests and family have babies; it goes with the territory of being in your 20s and 30s. She’ll be without a MOH, but at least the wedding will be about her.

God OP I’m so sorry this has all happened! I agree with PP that your sister is being WILDLY unreasonable and staggeringly selfish. I’m so sorry you’ve had to pull out but it was without a doubt the right thing to do. I hope it can be resolved without too much more heartache! Congratulations on your little miracle ❤️❤️❤️

Fuck that shit!

I hope your sister comes to her senses.

If he telling her now that your no longer MOH

Glad you pulled out OP. Once thay baby comes along you will not want to be separated for one hour let alone 1 day