MOH for sister and newborn not allowed in wedding venue

[Elliee0810]

I am the MOH for my sister for her wedding in May. We are both very close!
After 4 miscarriages I am expecting my miracle baby 6 weeks before the wedding (if baby is overdue this could be 4 weeks).
I have asked my sister if my MIL could look after the baby upstairs in the hotel room the entire day. My sister has said in the past she wouldn’t want the baby to steal the limelight so I thought if baby is “hidden” nearby I can quickly nip up if I’m breastfeeding or if he won’t settle. My sister has absolutely said the baby is not welcome at the wedding (which I understand a tiny bit) or not welcome to stay in a hotel room upstairs being cared for. She said it’s her day and should be all about her and not the baby and that she’d resent me and the baby if he was on the premises. She said she was happy for the baby to stay nearby in another hotel or air bnb but that costs a fortune and the closest one is the 20+ minutes drive away.I don’t think I’ve ever been so hurt or offended in my life. I don’t know what to do. My husband is a groomsman and he’s thinking of not attending the wedding now as the baby will need a parent being so young. Will the baby be okay to be apart for 1-2 days? Will I be okay with this being 4-6 weeks PP? Does anyone have any advice?

what the FUCK is wrong with your sister?!

Oh that’s a shame she can’t compromise on that.

I’ve seen it here in the past that ‘child free’ doesn’t mean babies, but obviously here it does.

You’re obviously not as close as you thought :(

Your sister is being so, so selfish. It’s bonkers. She doesn’t get to decide if you bring your baby to a hotel, whilst a family member looks after him/her. Weird behaviour.

I honestly wouldn’t go op.

Well done for pulling out. Due to her selfishness your sister will miss having her sister at her wedding and that is entirely her fault. If she was reasonable you could have gone as a guest with your baby with no bridesmaid duties (your husband could have still been a groomsman). I hope she comes to regret this decision and apologises to you one day.

Absolutely not. Mum can't be parted from your newborn even for 2 hours at such an early point and furthermore you won't want to be. This is just a biological fact and it's not about her. I'd make my apologies now.

Totally irrelevant whether or not you would manage. Your sister is being a massive bridezilla to the point she would rather have her sister miss her wedding rather than have her tiny baby hidden upstairs in a room for occasional breastfeeding.

if you were my sister I would be ordering a tiny flower girl outfit for you to be walking down the aisle with my niece in your arms and making sure you had a dress you could easily get your boobs out in.

the irony is that you and the baby (and your absence) WILL take the attention from her as everyone will be speculating about why you aren’t there.

Your sister will regret her selfish attitude one day! What did the rest of your family say about it?

I can understand if she is having a child-free wedding, why she might say no to having the baby at the wedding. But what harm is having the baby upstairs being looked after by someone else? No harm whatsoever, it would have absolutely no impact on her wedding day. She is being unreasonable and I personally would take the baby to the hotel room and have your mother-in-law look after the baby there. Otherwise, she might blame you for not going to her wedding.

I think your sister probably doesn't realise how difficult it is to leave a 4-6 week old baby for an extended period of time. Your suggestion for the baby to be in a room upstairs is a good compromise. Don't agree to have the baby in a different hotel and it's also not very realistic for you to go for 1-2 days without the baby at that age if you are trying to establish breastfeeding. Many babies of that age won't take a bottle and you don't know how yours will be. A lot of people are completely unrealistic about babies' needs before they have babies of their own or one in their close family (e.g., that they have to look after occasionally) - I know I was!

My cousin did the same for her nieces. She had two sisters, each of whom brought a baby girl to the wedding. The babies posed in their 'flower baby' frocks with the wedding party for the official photos.

Good luck OP. Entirely unavoidable and really sad you had to cancel but as you’ll see when wee one here 100% the right decision.

Just be prepared to be narrated as the unreasonable one… not at all the case but entitled folk rarely accept they caused a situation.

Good luck too with the birth and hoping now you can enjoy the rest of your term.

Edit: you made the right decision. Sorry your sister is so unreasonable. Part of me hopes all the guests spend the entire day asking where the baby is.

She's being absolutely ridiculous. Tell her you won't be able to be MOH at all unless the baby can be upstairs in the same building so you are free to go to him and feed him as required. Don't even get into negotiating it. Just tell her that's how it has to be.

And if the baby has to be in another hotel a drive away then you will be there for the ceremony only and then you'll have to leave. There is absolutely no way on earth you can leave a baby just a few weeks old for an entire day and evening.

It's very, very strange to be as blatantly selfish as this, and who on earth thinks a baby is going to steal the limelight off the bride? Unless you are all acting as though your baby is the next Messiah, and your sister doesn't think of you as being as close as you do..?
I wouldn't bother going. This will just be the tip of the ice berg, she's going to be insufferable.

The OP has already said she’s no longer attending the wedding.

I presume your sister is childless? She's being a brat and kindly OP you are being unrealistic. Newborn baby will be too young to leave esp if breast feeding and you wouldn't enjoy the wedsing worrying xx

A tiny baby sleeping in a pram in the corner would hardly steal the limelight. Your sister will bite her words one day. Sorry if it causes you anguish and stress right now but you are best staying away if she can’t accommodate a newborn. Babies need their mummy close by. This is your bonding time.

Ah what a sad outcome. Your sister will live to regret this behaviour.

I can't see any issues with what you have asked for. Baby will be tucked away safely and you can call in to feed them as and when. No one is stealing anyone's limelight. It's all too much faff. You have both sensibly withdrawn from the day and are now doing your own thing

I’m assuming your sister doesn’t have any children?
Typically women act this way when they do not know what is involved postpartum. If she understood then, she would see how unreasonable her demands are.

if I was in your position just simply say you cannot attend if baby is staying 20mins away. I wonder if once she has some time to think it through & feel your absence she might change her mind.

What you are proposing is perfectly reasonable for a new mother & TBH it would also be perfectly reasonable not to attend at all & just focus on your new baby (even if baby can come to the wedding).

I have a 4 week old DS. Like fuck would I be leaving him for anything longer than a couple of hours atm. Just no.

Think child free weddings are fine but this is so OTT and unreasonable. I had a very strictly child free wedding myself, but a friend (not even sister) was in a similar position to you and had a similar arrangement of someone nearby taking care of the child. Baby made several appearances throughout the course of my wedding for a cuddle and a feed - we've got a great photo of my mum cooing over him - total non issue

It’s sad your sister couldn’t see how the presence of a new baby injects extra joy into large gatherings, especially weddings.

As pps have suggested, this is an own goal on your sister’s part, since everyone will be wondering why you’re not there, and asking her for news/photos of her new niece/ nephew.

Oh well, I’m sure your parents will be sharing stacks of baby photos left and right.

Too bad for your sister!

Absolutely. Tell your Bridezilla of a sister that your baby comes first now, and always.

Don’t go. Are you planning to breastfeed? You will need to be close to do this and you are unlikely to want to leave your baby for this period of time when they are 4 weeks old, you probably won’t enjoy the wedding. No idea why the baby can’t be bought along to see everyone after the ceremony and then taken upstairs for the meal and reception. Everyone is going to be asking after it anyway and asking if they can sneak up to have a look, so just get it over in one hit. MIL is not going to want to sit in room for hours … what if baby won’t settle, be nice for her to walk around the grounds / area with baby in pram.
Your sister is being selfish and nasty … she needs to grow up. Imagine being that jealous of her own niece / nephew.