MOH for sister and newborn not allowed in wedding venue

[Elliee0810]

I am the MOH for my sister for her wedding in May. We are both very close!
After 4 miscarriages I am expecting my miracle baby 6 weeks before the wedding (if baby is overdue this could be 4 weeks).
I have asked my sister if my MIL could look after the baby upstairs in the hotel room the entire day. My sister has said in the past she wouldn’t want the baby to steal the limelight so I thought if baby is “hidden” nearby I can quickly nip up if I’m breastfeeding or if he won’t settle. My sister has absolutely said the baby is not welcome at the wedding (which I understand a tiny bit) or not welcome to stay in a hotel room upstairs being cared for. She said it’s her day and should be all about her and not the baby and that she’d resent me and the baby if he was on the premises. She said she was happy for the baby to stay nearby in another hotel or air bnb but that costs a fortune and the closest one is the 20+ minutes drive away.I don’t think I’ve ever been so hurt or offended in my life. I don’t know what to do. My husband is a groomsman and he’s thinking of not attending the wedding now as the baby will need a parent being so young. Will the baby be okay to be apart for 1-2 days? Will I be okay with this being 4-6 weeks PP? Does anyone have any advice?

My nephew was just 7 weeks at my wedding. It was child free but he came due to age and being EBF. He was the first grandchild/great nephew on their side of the family so of course distant relatives who were travelling for the wedding were excited to meet him.

I literally cannot tell you what time they arrived, what he wore, what time they left, if he ever cried. I have no idea if any of the other relatives were 'coo-ing' over him. It was our wedding day and I was so wrapped up in what me and DH were doing, eating, drinking, dancing, catching up with relatives, that I didn't even give him a second thought. I think I might have held him once for a photo.

In short, echoing what everyone else has said, your sister is being ridiculous. Does she have visions of hordes of relatives rushing over to you and surrounding you and baby and ignoring her as she walks into a room?

She needs to grow up.

Definitely the right decision OP. Maybe some day in the future, when your sister has had babies herself, she will realise what an absolute muppet she was.

Your sister is being a total dick.

I would drop the wedding.

She has.

I would not have been physically or emotionally ready to do this 6 weeks after giving birth to any of my children, let alone the first.

I would just tell her you can no longer commit to MOH or attending the wedding. Newborn babies need their mum, your idea of having your MIL watch over baby in the venue just out of sight would have been perfect imo

i went to a relatives wedding last year. Bride was a right nightmare about a lot of things but there was 2 very tiny babies present, close on the grooms side I believe, did not take the attention off the bride at all. The wedding was mainly outdoors but they set up an indoor space if the parents and babies needed shade and space at any point (was a very hot sunny day!)

What a shame that your sister is destroying your relationship over this.

Mil in hotel room with baby is the perfect solution. No one would even see the baby, and you could keep nipping up to feed.

Not sure what the logistics involved are, but if I were you I would not have cancelled altogther, but would have told her I was coming for a very short amount of time.

She's being horrible, a baby wont steal her limelight FFS.

I was very strict with no children with the exception of tiny babies, we had one friend bring their baby for the day then they booked another room in the hotel for the MiL to stay with the baby for the evening/night so they could enjoy the reception - this worked really well.

You will not want to leave your 4-6.week old baby for a few days!! Your plan of MIL looking after in hotel so you can nip up to is the only viable option I think. Otherwise I'd be saying that you cannot attend the wedding.

Your sister is being vile and entitled. Time to be honest and cancel being MOH now, and explain why. Congratulations on your pregnancy!

How horrible of your sister to insist on your new baby (her nephew) not even being in the same building. I wonder if she will not want to acknowledge the baby before her wedding as she feels she is the ‘star of her own show!’

What has your other family members said about this crazy demand?

Nah, in good old Mumsnet style - tell her to go to fuck, and when she gets there, fuck off a bit more!

Your sister's a monster. You've made the right decision.

Best of luck with the baby. 💐

Wow. Talk about sibling rivalry! Your sister is very insecure isn't she? She thinks that people congratulating you for your good news is going to upstage her. Your husband is right not to attend. Perhaps you shouldn't either. Put your precious baby first. You don't need to be worrying about this crap. Just relax and focus on yourself.

Edited to add that i have just seen that you are no longer going. Good for you.

If you are breastfeeding you won't be able to just pause that so early on, you would have to pump at least or you would be very uncomfortable. I would drop out if the wedding now. Your sister will no doubt fall out with you but this relationship is doomed anyway.

For goodness sake, your sister needs to be told to get a grip. Your solution is a perfect one and great to have a MIL who will support you in this way. I actually think that all going well with the birth you would be ok to attend the wedding after 4-6 weeks. But you'll likely be tired and still recovering. I would expect that with MIL upstairs with the baby, you could have a nice time at the wedding.

If your sister really cannot cope because she will be jealous of a tiny, helpless baby she really needs to sort her life out. She sounds absolutely ridiculous and I'd be telling her so.

Also, wait until she has a baby and have this discussion with her again. There's not a chance in hell that she would think it would be acceptable for her to leave her newborn baby in the way she is expecting you to do.

Tell her you will not be able to leave your newborn baby and therefore will not be coming. The world does not revolve around her. It will be a good lesson for her to learn.

To be clear, you will not want to leave the baby this soon. FF/BF doesn't matter. You will not want to be separated so soon for so long. Not a chance.

Sad you had to make that decision OP, your sister sounds awful. It's the right decision though. Your sister should be over the moon that you're pregnant after your hard journey to get to this stage ... and should be looking forward to showing off her new niece/nephew at a family gathering.

I'm glad of your update, it's a shame your sister can't get off her high horse to compromise but you offered a very fair chance for her to have you there and she made her choice.

I would like to hope that the sister reflects , apologize and change her mind.I do wonder what the extended family think! Ie Parents ,other siblings etc

Very sad to hear but absolutely bonkers level of entitlement from your sister. My sis got married when my baby was 5 months. Baby was invited, it was first time many family members had met her, and DSis didn't bat an eyelid. Actually she was delighted to have her niece in attendance. She even bought her a special dress for the occasion. It didn't take away from the specialness of the day for her, at all.

She’s been a huge diva. My friend was the exact same. My baby was 10days old at her wedding and she resented me fully. We no longer speak because of her actions and I wish I’d never gone to the wedding. This is harder as she’s your sister but that makes me think she’s even more unreasonable. Can you parents talk to her? I’m not sure what I’d do but my gut says I’d tell her to absolutely piss off.

Tell her you can't go because your newborn will need you and if she's forcing you to be apart on the day then you have no choice but to put your baby first and not attend, she will either throw a fit about it or accept you will need to have your baby close to you

Just seen your update. Totally understandable. I hope you are ok. Good luck with your little bundle and congratulations x

What awful behaviour..Your sister sounds like a selfish person.

This over and over. Weddings have become more about a Instagram pics than about joy, love and family. I had to limit kids at mine to two per couple because of £££ but it was so much fun thanks to children doing dance offs and babies looking gorgeous. Of course a baby will upstage the bride - babies are lush! Who cares?

OP - congratulations. Babies are a joy and I wish you every health and happiness.

I will add no one knows what kind of delivery they will have - you might not be happy to leave the sofa at 4 weeks.