MOH for sister and newborn not allowed in wedding venue

[Elliee0810]

I am the MOH for my sister for her wedding in May. We are both very close!
After 4 miscarriages I am expecting my miracle baby 6 weeks before the wedding (if baby is overdue this could be 4 weeks).
I have asked my sister if my MIL could look after the baby upstairs in the hotel room the entire day. My sister has said in the past she wouldn’t want the baby to steal the limelight so I thought if baby is “hidden” nearby I can quickly nip up if I’m breastfeeding or if he won’t settle. My sister has absolutely said the baby is not welcome at the wedding (which I understand a tiny bit) or not welcome to stay in a hotel room upstairs being cared for. She said it’s her day and should be all about her and not the baby and that she’d resent me and the baby if he was on the premises. She said she was happy for the baby to stay nearby in another hotel or air bnb but that costs a fortune and the closest one is the 20+ minutes drive away.I don’t think I’ve ever been so hurt or offended in my life. I don’t know what to do. My husband is a groomsman and he’s thinking of not attending the wedding now as the baby will need a parent being so young. Will the baby be okay to be apart for 1-2 days? Will I be okay with this being 4-6 weeks PP? Does anyone have any advice?

Well done for telling her you won’t be going.

Just to echo the many other posters who have said that she’s selfish and completely batshit. She sounds like a nightmare. If she has kids one day, I hope she finds herself in the same situation and then can hopefully reflect on the fact she was a massive twat.

Have your parents not said anything to back you up? I can’t imagine one of my kids behaving like this and getting away with it!

With such ridiculous demands on you, you have taken the only possible option left to you, in deciding not to go to the wedding.
And by the time your precious baby arrives, you will know that, for absolute certain.

Mothers and new babies are not meant to be separated at that age.
I wonder what part of that basic nature fact, your sister can’t allow into her self centred, attention raddled brain. She should be ashamed of herself. She has ruined the start of her relationship with her nephew, and I’m sure it’s left a sour note with you and your family.

Well done for standing up against such nonsense. It could so easily have been avoided.

This is a bridezilla on steroids! Good for you standing up to her, your baby and you come first.

You won't be able to bring yourself to leave your baby when the time comes so just bow out now.

Absolutely dont go.
YABU to even considert to pander to her orders and leaving a newborn baby away from you.

Im usually pretty on the side of their wedding their choice but a newborn not even allowed in a hotel room upstairs with an in law is pretty ludicrous.

Im sorry she had made it impossible for you to go. Remember she made that choice not you.

This.

what a horrible woman, I can’t imagine saying this to anyone let alone my sister about my own niece or nephew! And yes my sister left my hen and my wedding early as she had a small baby, I’d never dream of resenting them for it! The world has gone mad

Sorry I posted before seeing your update.

Its all on her being unreasonable. Good luck with your baby 💐

You’d leave a 4 week old for 2 days to suit your sister?! Wow, that sounds absurd to me

I hope at the last minute she asks you to pop in as a guest if you feel up to it (with your baby).

At the moment she is a self absorped a-hole.

i can see it from your sisters side, baby will be hard to settle as a newborn in a loud environment and probably cry incessantly.

and it will take the shine from her as everyone will understandably be cooing over the baby.

could sister be experiencing infertility herself?

This bridezilla behaviour is really out of hand. Do brides really think that they are the total focus on the day anyway? Yes, we admire your dress etc as you walk up the aisle, pay attention during speeches and cake cutting, but the reception is generally spent catching up with extended family affairs, dancing etc. If the bride left the room most people wouldn't even notice for ages.

Oh @Elliee0810 That must be so hard on you, your DH too!! I imagine you're feeling very hurt right now.
That's not just being precocious that's just being downright thoughtless and nasty of you sister.
For context, when I got married a few years ago my best friend was my one and only bridesmaid and she was going to have an approx 7 week old at the time (totally unplanned!!) I offered her an out if she thought it would be too much but she was happy to continue if I was.
She picked out her own material for and style of dress, with breastfeeding in mind, and unbeknown to her I asked the dressmaker to make a little headband (in case it was a girl) and a little dickie bow (in case it was a boy) to match her dress😂
The baby had a bit of an unsettling period just as we were leaving the house to walk to the venue and I suggested she put her in her sling.
We still laugh when we look back at the photos and the video of us walking along and her with the baby attached to her in her sling.
Your sister should absolutely WANT her new niece/nephew there.
I really hope you can all come back from this because this has the potential to leave long lasting bad feeling amongst the family.

I have 2 daughters and dd1 lost her first baby late in pregnancy.
Happily she gave birth 18 months later, a few weeks before dd2 wedding.
At her wedding Dd2 insisted dd1 (who was maid of honour,) carried her precious 6 week old baby down the aisle with her and the other bridesmaids .
The congregation knew about dd1’s previous baby loss , and there wasn’t a dry eye in the church.
It was such a precious moment .
Dd1 showed she had a kind heart and had no thoughts of her beautiful baby niece stealing her limelight , but rather that she would add love and joy to this beautiful occasion .
Your sister is jealous of a baby and she is hard hearted and mean spirited .
I hope it rains on her .

I am not really a 'baby' person (if that can be said) but I really do believe babies belong everywhere - particularly in the big life events like weddings and funerals. If anything is a marker of life carrying on through time and space it has to be the presence of a baby.

I once went to a large Church wedding. There was a newborn who let out a cry during the vows. The parents were mortified and the Priest just smiled and said to everyone 'The most beautiful sound you will ever hear in any Church is the sound of a baby'. I found that profoundly moving and I know the B&G did too as they were so joyful.

I feel quite sad that the OP's sister seems to have a view of her wedding as being like an Oscar awards ceremony. If it's all about her then what about her groom for a start? And his family also. It seems a terrible shame.

Your sister is being so fucking unreasonable. You will not want to leave your baby for even a few hours, and if you are breastfeeding just won't be able to.

Good decision op. Your sister is being very unreasonable.

Also I do wonder what narrative she will use when explaining your non attendance at the wedding? If she tells the truth, she’s not going to look good is she?

I don’t understand this idea that a baby can steal the spotlight of people getting married.

if they fuss take them out, but other than that? The baby is so new it will just sleeping and eating.

the navel gazing is a bit much.

This is so lovely. What a lovely heartfelt
moment for you all.

Good to see you're not pandering to your sister's shockingly self centered behaviour.

For balance, just so you know, most sisters would squeal at the delight of having their newborn niece/nephew at such a day. And promptly set about finding booties in matching satin with the bridesmaids or something....

Good for you. Although it's a very sad decision to need to make.
I think when she matures a little, your sister will really regret her behaviour. I hope so anyway.

She’s obviously a combination of clueless about babies, self-centred, insecure and thick. Who actually worries about being “overshadowed” by a baby?

Of course she will kick off when she hears you are forced to bow out so this drama will run and run.

This is exactly how it should be and how I know my own DDs would behave in a similar situation.
It is sad that the OP's sister does not have similar maturity and kindness.
Well done OP for making your decision and lots of good wishes for the birth. I am sorry that your sister has behaved in this way. I hope that she has accepted your decision with a good grace.
Quote from a previous post ....
and it will take the shine from her as everyone will understandably be cooing over the baby. That really is a very immature approach. Families should share each other's joys and show generosity.

Goodness, I was still spending most of the day sitting after my first at 4 weeks. I had a third degree tear that had surgical repair and I couldn’t stand up for long periods.
Plus leaking milk all the time. I would not have been able to leave my baby, it was like a physical ache to be away from them.

I had an easier time with second and third babies but no way would I leave them.