MOH for sister and newborn not allowed in wedding venue

[Elliee0810]

I am the MOH for my sister for her wedding in May. We are both very close!
After 4 miscarriages I am expecting my miracle baby 6 weeks before the wedding (if baby is overdue this could be 4 weeks).
I have asked my sister if my MIL could look after the baby upstairs in the hotel room the entire day. My sister has said in the past she wouldn’t want the baby to steal the limelight so I thought if baby is “hidden” nearby I can quickly nip up if I’m breastfeeding or if he won’t settle. My sister has absolutely said the baby is not welcome at the wedding (which I understand a tiny bit) or not welcome to stay in a hotel room upstairs being cared for. She said it’s her day and should be all about her and not the baby and that she’d resent me and the baby if he was on the premises. She said she was happy for the baby to stay nearby in another hotel or air bnb but that costs a fortune and the closest one is the 20+ minutes drive away.I don’t think I’ve ever been so hurt or offended in my life. I don’t know what to do. My husband is a groomsman and he’s thinking of not attending the wedding now as the baby will need a parent being so young. Will the baby be okay to be apart for 1-2 days? Will I be okay with this being 4-6 weeks PP? Does anyone have any advice?

Say it’s not possible for you to do this she needs to find a new MOH. I was in your position with my friend, my newborn (10 weeks ) came to a pre hen party meal, was there when we got ready and was welcomed to the whole wedding. Honestly just don’t do this to yourself or your baby you sister is being really horrible it really doesn’t hurt if your baby’s upstairs in a room near by. As soon as he’s born nobody else’s wishes or wants will matter anymore like they do now, you most lightly won’t care about the wedding and the thought of leaving your baby for that long just won’t be realistic.

I don’t know what has happened to weddings.

Your sister is a complete idiot@Elliee0810

Imagine being jealous of a baby.

I don't think you're going to feel like being a MOH 6 weeks after your due date. First babies are often late and you could be 4 weeks after having a baby. I don't think you would want to be trussed up in a MOH dress, sleep deprived and on your feet, especially if you have c-section. Yes, maybe your sister is being selfish but it's human for a bride to want the attention to be on her after paying a small fortune for the event and, hopefully, a wedding is a once only event. I think though it's utterly impractical to leave the baby for that amount of time as well but it sounds like your sister knows nothing about the needs of a new-born. Perhaps your husband could look after the baby at home and you just attend the ceremony part as a guest and skip the reception. The ceremony is usually relatively short.

I had a similar situation once when DH was due to be best man at a wedding timed for when DC1 would have been around 6 weeks old. We had a chat about it when I was in the early stages of pregnancy and the couple weren't in the least bothered about having a baby there. However, around 7 months later the bride's mum phoned DH out of the blue and queried this. He said we had it all planned, I would sit right at the back so I could take the baby out if he threatened to make any noise during the ceremony, and we would take a room in the hotel where the reception was so I could disappear with the baby whenever necessary. She kept phoning back making more and more of a fuss about how this was her daughter's special day, and asking why we couldn't leave the baby behind.

Ultimately DH felt he had no choice but to speak to his friend and say it was obvious they were withdrawing the invitation to me, and in those circumstances he couldn't be Best Man any more. His friend was really embarrassed but said he completely understood. Sadly, we've never been on anything more than Christmas card terms with them ever since.

I really cannot see what the problem is with having a baby at a wedding, provided that the parents take steps to ensure they don't interrupt the ceremony or reception by crying. I find if anything having a baby around just enhances the specialness of the day.

This can’t be true!

Your sister is being thoughtless and ridiculous. Make your excuses..dont leave your poor baby. What a stupid childish woman.

A baby being upstairs in a separate room far away from the reception will be 'stealing the limelight'? Who the fuck does she think she is? I am all for childfree weddings inc newborns because of the screams and crying, but this is in another room. And not even on the same floor. Can your MOTHER speak to her and make her see sense? If not, I'd not only decline the MOH duty, I would decline the invite to the wedding in total and not go at all. Lets be honest here; even if she changes her mind and lets your child stay at the hotel, you will absolutely NOT be up for MOH responsibilities, you will not be in a fit state to do your speech, etc. So even if you choose to go and have baby upstairs, you really need to hand over being MOH to someone else. I am telling you now, you will absolutely not be in any state to do it.

So get your mum to knock some sense into her (but you will still need to cancel being MOH in any case, anyway) or you will need to not attend the wedding at all.

And no, sorry, unless she has had a complete personality transplant and gone absolutely fucking troppo over the wedding only, she has never been truly close to you at all. No sister who is close to their sister would ever dream of treating their sister this way. You thought you were close, but you were wrong, sorry.

Well done you. How did you deliver the news and how did she take it?

Sorry, I did click on See all but your latest reply that you're not going didn't show up.

Can I ask what does your mother think about it?

Dont go- its a physical and emotional torture to be away from a newborn,not just for you but the baby will be wanting you. Your sister is a cow, dont think you are as close as you think you are.

I agree with this. I learnt a long time ago not to ask the question if I wouldn’t like the answer. My hotel room, my baby - I would do as I like. However in this case me and my baby, plus husband would stay at home.

You have made the Right decision

ive known quite a few Bridzillas in my time but your sister has to be one of the worst

are you parents alive ? What do they think of their daughters madness

Good decision, sorry she can't be flexible with your babies needs. I am not sure even having the baby upstairs with mil would help, my youngest fed endlessly at that stage, I would have been upstairs more than downstairs. Your sister will truly understand once she has kids of her own, obviously that will be too late to rectify her current behaviour.

Your baby needs you at 6 weeks postpartum, especially so if you're intending on breastfeeding.

Let her know you won't be able to attend and let her have the day she wants.

I'd withdraw now. No apology needed. Your sister sounds really awful.

Your sister is deranged.

I totally understand people wanting “no kids” weddings, but banning your own tiny baby niece or nephew from the entire building because you want to be the centre of attention takes it to a whole new low. Sorry OP, I think in your shoes I’d withdraw from the wedding altogether.

I wouldn't go either. I took my 4 week old baby to my brother's wedding. They didn't "steal the limelight". People honestly don't care that much.

No chance would that ever work. Your sister has no understanding of how breastfeeding a newborn works. They may want feeding every hour if the mood strikes them. I'd be dropping out gracefully for this one.

She may feel very guilty for this one if she ever has breastfed children of her own and understands how much she messed up.

When brides are this obsessed about being centre of attention on their wedding day, it makes me think there’s something wrong, honestly. Marrying the person you love should make you feel warm and fizzy with excitement and generous to others. This obsession with being the only thing anyone talks about/looks at/obsesses over suggests something is missing elsewhere. Does she not realise that guests will now be saying ‘where is your sister? How’s the baby?’ and if they realise you’re not there because she didn’t want the baby stealing the limelight, will think she is ridiculous! Plus the baby will still get spoken about, and I’m sure people will ask your parents to see a photo etc. You just can’t control other people this way, it never works out! You’ve made the right decision OP, enjoy your little one and don’t feel guilty, this is not on you!

That is the best decision and I promise once you have that baby you'll breathe a huge sigh of relief that you are not going to the wedding and having to leave them even for one minute. Good luck x

Your sister is extremely unreasonable, immature and selfish. You sound lovely and actually too accommodating.

Do not pander to this. Newborns should not be forcibly separate from this mothers. You have no idea how you will be after this birth, if your baby will even be home (may be in the NICU), if you want to breastfeed then that takes precedence over everything initially, you may simply emotionally not be ready to leave your baby with anyone and that is more than OK.

I feel really sorry for you, and should your sister become a mother herself one day she’ll feel thoroughly ashamed of how she’s treating you. Needs to grow up!

I didn’t want to leave my baby for 6 months and even then it was a need due to lack of sleep for 6 months, I remember when she was 3 months I went to get my nails done and my mum had her in a cafe just around the corner, my heart was in my stomach I hated it.

I’m glad you’ve seen that you cannot do this, I hope for everyone’s sake your sister is not usually this incredibly self centred as it’s a totally and completely unreasonable ask and quite nasty in its willingness to harm you and your baby. I am sure your baby will be perfect and hope you treasure the time with them.

Pleased you won't be going. Your sister sounds a bit ignorant at best about the realities of having a newborn. She also sounds like a total diva to boot.

And this is why brides to be get branded “Bridezilla”! What a self-centred cow, come on people, look at me, look at me, don’t look at the baby!!!!!