MOH for sister and newborn not allowed in wedding venue

[Elliee0810]

I am the MOH for my sister for her wedding in May. We are both very close!
After 4 miscarriages I am expecting my miracle baby 6 weeks before the wedding (if baby is overdue this could be 4 weeks).
I have asked my sister if my MIL could look after the baby upstairs in the hotel room the entire day. My sister has said in the past she wouldn’t want the baby to steal the limelight so I thought if baby is “hidden” nearby I can quickly nip up if I’m breastfeeding or if he won’t settle. My sister has absolutely said the baby is not welcome at the wedding (which I understand a tiny bit) or not welcome to stay in a hotel room upstairs being cared for. She said it’s her day and should be all about her and not the baby and that she’d resent me and the baby if he was on the premises. She said she was happy for the baby to stay nearby in another hotel or air bnb but that costs a fortune and the closest one is the 20+ minutes drive away.I don’t think I’ve ever been so hurt or offended in my life. I don’t know what to do. My husband is a groomsman and he’s thinking of not attending the wedding now as the baby will need a parent being so young. Will the baby be okay to be apart for 1-2 days? Will I be okay with this being 4-6 weeks PP? Does anyone have any advice?

You’ve made the best decision. I’m sorry your sister has been a bridezilla and a nasty person

Congratulations x

I'd tell her to take a running jump (I'm being way too polite there). And I say that as someone that prefers child free weddings.

Your sister sounds like a brat!
absolutely awful.

I wouldn’t go to her wedding at all. Emotionally you will struggle being away from your baby and your baby NEEDS YOU when it’s so young.
After your miscarriages and this being the first baby, please believe me when I say you won’t be leaving your baby for anyone.

You need to tell her now or if that’s tricky let her know the day before the wedding you’re not well.

I really wouldn’t leave the baby and your sister is being spiteful and controlling.

I get that you are close with your sister, and hopefully she is normally better than this and / or has other redeeming qualities. On this matter though, she is being outrageous! And actually pretty gross 😐 Doesn't want the baby to "steal the limelight"?! Wtf is she on about. Imagine she'd insisted on something else completely mad and impossible, like "you must wear snakes as shoes all day" and just decline, without any guilt or second guessing. So sad she can't be happy and celebrate with you / enjoy her own niece/ nephew.

Congratulations on your lovely baby btw, what an achievement after your journey x

That’s so sad. Being a MOH is unrealistic 4-6 weeks after giving birth. But if your sister can’t give way to you being a guest with your babes in arms she is an awful human. 🥲 I had no nieces or nephews when I got married and had a child free wedding but a babes in arms of a sibling is a complete different situation. I am sure your parents are disappointed in her.

I really hope she rethinks her stance. I would hate to miss my sister's wedding and it's not even like she'd see your MIL and baby. This is really sad!

Also there is every chance you might actually be giving birth during the wedding anyway. It would be hilarious if your waters broke during their vows 😂

This is disgraceful! Shes worried about a baby (her niece/nephew) stealing the limelight!!! Seriously! This is ridiculous. I totally understand how you must feel. She sounds very self centered and self absorbed. Not how a sister should behave.

I predict that your sister will hugely regret her actions later. What was she thinking?

I would book a low key but lovely treat to do as a family on the day of the wedding.

Your sister is a horrible spoilt brat and if I was you’d I’d tell her I won’t be able to come as I can’t leave a small baby all day as I need to feed him ect. I’ve never in my life heard of anyone so far up their own arse in my life, to not be happy her sister has managed to have a baby and to be jealous of the baby, she is a nasty person and I definitely wouldn’t go to her wedding.

Stand up to her it seems to me the spoilt bitch is very much used to getting her own way, I’m fuming and it’s not even my sister.

Sorry I missed a bit, glad you are not going.

I quite understand why you are not going to the wedding but hope your sister was understanding about the reason why. And it hasn't damaged the relationship.

One day she will realise that as a new mum you can't leave a newborn.

This is so unreasonable and unfair and frankly cruel of your sister. It is unfeasible for you to not have your baby nearby you. If you are breastfeeding at this stage they could need you a lot you could be cluster feeding in the evenings you’re going to want to make sure you are establishing your supply as well. Even if you don’t breastfeed those first few weeks are such a vulnerable emotional time you won’t want to be separated from your baby for that long, trust me. I would withdraw now, or at the very most say you can make the ceremony only and your baby will be at the same hotel during it. Honestly I can’t understand how selfish some people can be, it’s astounding. Congratulations by the way.

Very sensible. Having a first baby is such a culture shock and the first few weeks can be quite overwhelming and all consuming and you don't need any additional stress.
I went to my sister's wedding, when my eldest was 4 weeks old. There was no question of him being excluded, and I just don't understand your sister's mentality of having concerns that your baby will steal her limelight. However, back then in the 80s and early 90s weddings were generally family affairs, and relatives and close family friends attending would bring their children.

Skip the wedding. End of.

That is utterly appalling of your sister; God, what on earth is wrong with her?

Of course you need the baby to be in the hotel, and what she says makes no sense and is grossly selfish. This kind of thing can break a family; I don't know what to say, beyond to insist that baby goes where you go.

You also should not have to hide the baby, although being at a wedding when so young is not good due to noise. But you absolutely should have the baby with you in the hotel. She is cruel and ridiculous to suggest otherwise.

EDIT: I just read your update that you are not going anymore. Good for you!

Leave out sorry and say a baby won’t t take away her day. Poor husband to be.

I’d tell her I won’t be at the wedding then. What a psycho.

You or baby might not be well enough to go at 4 to 6 weeks. With both my children I was still in hospital at 4 weeks.
I would say that you will pull out as MOH you can't be certain you can commit to be there. But will attend if you can as a guest but it will be unlikely.

I have an 11 week old. In these 11 weeks I have not been apart from him for more than 1.5hrs. Breastfeeding is such a gift, and it would be such a headache to be trying to express while doing bridesmaid. Also, you don't know if your baby will take a bottle if you are breastfeeding.

This is so unfair on the child. Dear help your future brother in law, she seems like VERY hard work.

Pleased to hear you are not going to the wedding OP.No way would I have left any of my babies at that age.Your sister sounds awful,you won’t be missing much.

Totally
in fact I think the whole Cuntzilla behaviour of these women gives our whole sex a bad rep.
‘Doesn’t want your new born, probably breast fed baby in the building’
’Stealing the limelight??’

Honestly, I despair for you. You most feel so hurt. Your parents must be mortified and your future BIL
Vapid, shallow, vacuous twat, the woman.

You've absolutely made the right decision. Can see no issue at all with mil looking after your baby upstairs. And very many congratulations on your baby! One baby at ds's wedding - a good friend of dil's baby. V cute. Did she steal the limelight? No. Is said baby what everyone remembers about the day? No.