MOH for sister and newborn not allowed in wedding venue

[Elliee0810]

I am the MOH for my sister for her wedding in May. We are both very close!
After 4 miscarriages I am expecting my miracle baby 6 weeks before the wedding (if baby is overdue this could be 4 weeks).
I have asked my sister if my MIL could look after the baby upstairs in the hotel room the entire day. My sister has said in the past she wouldn’t want the baby to steal the limelight so I thought if baby is “hidden” nearby I can quickly nip up if I’m breastfeeding or if he won’t settle. My sister has absolutely said the baby is not welcome at the wedding (which I understand a tiny bit) or not welcome to stay in a hotel room upstairs being cared for. She said it’s her day and should be all about her and not the baby and that she’d resent me and the baby if he was on the premises. She said she was happy for the baby to stay nearby in another hotel or air bnb but that costs a fortune and the closest one is the 20+ minutes drive away.I don’t think I’ve ever been so hurt or offended in my life. I don’t know what to do. My husband is a groomsman and he’s thinking of not attending the wedding now as the baby will need a parent being so young. Will the baby be okay to be apart for 1-2 days? Will I be okay with this being 4-6 weeks PP? Does anyone have any advice?

With the baby being that young you would find it hard to be away and even a day could mess with your supply, and the baby may not even take a bottle (my son was breastfed and never took to a bottle, even when I expressed for my wedding, I ended up having to breastfeed him).

I would be giving my apologies. I can understand her not wanting to limelight taken but she cannot hold you having to pull out under the circumstances she has given you.

It’s not reasonable to leave a 4-6 week old baby for hours without its mother so if you can’t bring baby I think you will need to decline the invitation.

Your sister is a c u next tuesday.

I can't for the life of me imagine telling one of my siblings that their much longed for (or even not much longed for) baby wasn't welcome at my wedding.

Truly bizarre and very sad. What is going on with people nowadays?

YABVVVU for allowing this ridiculous situation to happen where your sister is telling you what to do with your newborn and for allowing your mad, selfish sister to be so vile to her tiny niece.

Put your daughter before your sister fgs

Baby comes first, especially when so tiny! That’s quite a long time when they are so young. Does your sister have any concept of what tiny babies need? It’s not the baby’s fault they will be born a few weeks before her wedding! It’s a nuts thing to say that the baby can’t be in a hotel room upstairs- in fact, why does she get to dictate where the baby is?! It’s not her call, it’s yours

Wow. 20 pages and one post from the OP.

Sounds like this is your first so obviously you don't know how it will be yet. But it's not possible, even if you wanted, to accommodate your sister's wishes Just let her know you can't.

Maybe in years to come, if she's had a newborn herself, she'll realise how ridiculous her demand was. Maybe she won't. That's by the by. You will need to be with your baby and being MOH is too much to take on. Decline as soon as possible. Congratulations to you and your partner.

Breast or bottle fed you offered a good compromise ( baby with MIL) and she refused. I wouldn't be going - we had my newborn nephew at my wedding and it was lovely, I just can't see the issue.
Congratulations on your new arrival x

Sounds like she'll be needing a new MOH.
Is she always this selfish and horrible or is just bridezilla vibes?

I don't think I'd tell her that you're opting out, I'd just ghost her and see what she does next.

I can't believe what I read on here sometimes. People can be vile.

Do not abandon your baby for your sister. Tell her to look for another MOH.
Hopefully one day she'll realize just how awful she's being to you and your baby.

Please don't leave your 4 week old baby to cry for you / impact your supply / stress yourself out for your complete dick of a sister. The baby can't be UPSTAIRS who tf is she kidding?!

I’m writing this whilst sat here breastfeeding my 7 week old - emotionally you won’t want to be away from your newborn at that stage.

And in practical terms it would be a nightmare if you’re breastfeeding. You’d need to go and feed or pump regularly or you’ll become engorged which is painful, your baby may not take to a bottle in time for the wedding, your supply may be impacted if you’re not feeding baby for a couple days, and your baby may be cluster feeding and be very upset being away from you for so long.

You’ve given an extremely reasonable solution and your sister has been extremely unreasonable, self-centred, and quite frankly ridiculous. If she won’t come round to letting her newborn nephew stay in the same hotel as she’s getting married in, then I absolutely wouldn’t be attending.

You won't want to be away from your baby at that stage. Depending on how your birth goes tou might not even want to leave the house at that stage. Yours ulster is being totally unreasonable. If she wanted you to attend she wouldn't be putting so many barriers in the way. Your suggestion of having MIL in the bedroom at the hotel was an absolutely reasonable compromise and even with the baby that close by I wouldn't have wanted to be parted from it.

Your sisters behaviour and demands are unnatural, demanding you to do something unnatural. I say this as a woman who has no kids, I’d never ask anyone to do what she’s asking you to do and for the reasons she saying. Let her know you and your husband are going to be with your new baby as they would be the centre of your day or
and she can be the centre of her wedding day without you. Tell her now so she can change her MoH and Groomsman for the precession.

Your sister has gone cuckoo. Are your parents on the scene? Can they give her a bollocking on your behalf and bring her back to earth from whatever cloud she’s currently living on? If she doesn’t change her mind to accommodate your VERY reasonable request then she is a total wally and will have to manage without you.

Your sister sounds horrid. If I were you I wouldn't go to the wedding. She is bang out of order.

Seriously, who has a problem with a newborn being with his gran 2 floors up? It's not as if MIL is going to follow her down the aisle and do a nappy change at the altar.
I would understand if your sister had been through infertility or baby loss as you have, but she really needs help if she just a problem with a baby in the building.
If your birth is late, you might only be just getting comfortable with feeding/baby care by the wedding, and you should certainly not have to have extra hassle like travelling to different places/rushing around/spending extra money which most new parents need for their families.
I had a pregnant bridesmaid, and one who had recently given birth, and all I cared about was their comfort. I was just happy they were there, and they weren't even my sisters!

Honestly before I had a baby I would have probably thought as optimistically as you.
However your sister is being completely unreasonable. You will still be physically recovering from the birth and your baby will be tiny. If you are planning on breast feeding then being alike this just won’t work. Even if you’re formula feeding, you will miss all the binding time.
I would just say that you will have to decline the invitation and wish her well.

just say you wont be able to attend after all. She still has time to find another MOH and you will be grateful to just rest in these early weeks after delivery

*away like this (sorry for typos)

My husband’s sister had her newborn twins (4 weeks old) at our wedding. It didn’t even occur to me for a moment that they might ‘steal my thunder’! I really wish we could get rid of this modern idea of the bride as the centre of the universe for the day - it’s so unhealthy.

why have you even asked her. It’s not her say. What is she going to do. Throw the baby out? Carry on with your plan of baby upstairs. Even bring baby down after ceremony if required. Honestly what is she actually going to do about it? X

4-6 weeks post-partum I was still recovering from an emergency section, barely sleeping and there's now way I'd have been fit to get dolled up for a wedding nevermind be moh at one! Sister, or not, you are not the unreasonable one here.

Wow, yes it’s her day but not an excuse to be a complete bitch.

Sister or not, I would not be attending full stop.