MOH for sister and newborn not allowed in wedding venue

[Elliee0810]

I am the MOH for my sister for her wedding in May. We are both very close!
After 4 miscarriages I am expecting my miracle baby 6 weeks before the wedding (if baby is overdue this could be 4 weeks).
I have asked my sister if my MIL could look after the baby upstairs in the hotel room the entire day. My sister has said in the past she wouldn’t want the baby to steal the limelight so I thought if baby is “hidden” nearby I can quickly nip up if I’m breastfeeding or if he won’t settle. My sister has absolutely said the baby is not welcome at the wedding (which I understand a tiny bit) or not welcome to stay in a hotel room upstairs being cared for. She said it’s her day and should be all about her and not the baby and that she’d resent me and the baby if he was on the premises. She said she was happy for the baby to stay nearby in another hotel or air bnb but that costs a fortune and the closest one is the 20+ minutes drive away.I don’t think I’ve ever been so hurt or offended in my life. I don’t know what to do. My husband is a groomsman and he’s thinking of not attending the wedding now as the baby will need a parent being so young. Will the baby be okay to be apart for 1-2 days? Will I be okay with this being 4-6 weeks PP? Does anyone have any advice?

You are already upset by the mere thought of it (for good reason). Once the baby is with you there is no way you will want to leave them. Tell your sister now that she must find a new MOH. Aside from that I cannot believe how she has spoken to you about wanting the attention only on her and that your baby's presence would deflect that. Really ugly thinking on her part.

To be fair to your sister she has no clue about babies, clearly. I think you shouldn't be MOH - you might potentially be able to put in an appearance for a couple of hours with the support of your MIL upstairs but it's a big assumption that your baby will be settled enough or that you'll even feel able to enjoy a wedding. Newborns are pretty unpredictable and wake in the night quite a bit usually too. I'd let your sister know now, rather than let her down nearer the time. If she gives you grief, tell her one day if she has a child, she'll understand.

Your sister is being very selfish, unhinged and horrid right now. I’ve had 2 babies and I would not leave them for 2 days at 4 weeks old. You’ll be breast feeding and the baby’s will need you. Personally my husband and I would step down from the wedding.

Your sister is completely out of order and unreasonable. Yes it is possible to leave the baby at that age, but I am not sure your sister being a heartless centred person is a great reason to.

She's being ridiculous and unkind- a baby "stealing the limelight" indeed.
I'm joining the chorus of telling her you won't be able to attend.

Pull out of the wedding and have a lovely quiet weekend nesting with your husband and new baby. Invite your lovely MIL round if you want extra company.
Congratulations on your pregnancy ❤️

My youngest is 7 soon, but she refused a bottle when she was a baby. She never had a dummy or bottle. Away from me and my boobs, she just cried. I remember when she was about 9 months, me and my ex went to a concert. My mum rang me (we left the house at half 4) at 9:30pm to tell me she couldn't get her to settle and I needed to come home asap. I had left plenty of pumped milk but she just refused it. My mum told me she was fine up until she got tired and then nothing was working to soothe her. I cannot imagine what would have happened if I'd left her at a younger age like that!

Both of you should step down and she just has to accept that. Your suggestion was more than reasonable. Good luck with the pregnancy and post partum 🩷

Your sister is fucking mental. You can’t leave a weeks old newborn for 1-2 days. You won’t want to. When she has her own children she will be absolutely mortified she was such a dickhead. Stealing the limelight. Jesus wept.

Yes, the baby can be separated for a day or two. There are circumstances where the parents can't be with the baby and nothing bad happens because of it. That being said, your sister is absolutely ridiculous. Baby not allowed in the hotel you're paying for? Fuck that. Day all about her? Will be an interesting marriage.

Do you have a family member that your sister will listen to? Like your mom or something just so she can hear from someone else how crazy she is.

Will the baby be okay to be apart for 1-2 days? Will I be okay with this being 4-6 weeks PP?

No, a 4-6 week old newborn will definitely NOT be okay being away from mum for 1-2 days. It’s very troubling you don’t know this.

Congratulations. Agree with PPs. You won’t want to leave your baby for a moment at only six weeks old. Either baby gets a pass and comes with you, or you don’t go.

Katie, it was lovely of you to ask me to be MOH but as you know, this is a desperately wanted pregnancy and you won’t even let the baby be upstairs in the hotel. I cannot leave them all day at this age. I will spend what parts of the day I can at the hotel however you do need to choose a new MOH as I cannot be there all day

I would pull out now, what happens if you need a c-section or baby ends up in nicu etc? But quite frankly you will not want to be away from your baby when it’s that little and she shouldn’t be expecting this!

You’ve been lovely offering to keep your baby hidden and disappear upstairs constantly. I’d say you have to leave the wedding party now

Add to all the no way comments above - you will be getting only an hour's sleep here and there on the nights either side of this precious wedding, so will be probably be living on your last nerve and struggling to even keep your eyes open during speeches.

She doesn’t sound like a sister she sounds like a spoilt brat. That is absolutely awful and disgusting behaviour from her. I’ve got 4 sisters and not one of them would do that to me if I were in that situation

Yes, exactly this.

Wow your sister is a piece of work!

I went as a guest to my friends wedding when my baby was 6 weeks old (I was breast feeding) no way I was leaving her with anyone and I’m fact the bride was so wonderful she offered to let me use her bridal sweet to go and breast feed in if I wanted to do it in a quiet space. I booked a room to use as I didn’t want intrude and I we drove home as I wasn’t drinking anyway. The point is, this was just a friend being so understanding and she just really wanted us there, your sister is being completely unreasonable and acting very mean.
I would withdraw and I’d be telling her how awful she is and I’d show her this thread so she can have a reality check.

Everyone is different - I left my twin prem babies (1 month early) in the hospital with my m’n’law and sister for several hours when they were 5 days old. I’d been in hospital for 2-3months on bed rest and desperately wanted to see the outside world and choose their nursery etc. they were prem. my milk has not come in so they were bottle fed anyway.
But this scenario is different because you are being forced to leave your child - I could have come back at any point if the twins were getting upset etc.
sorry but the bride is acting terribly - it’s very normal do so the scenario you suggested of baby being babysat at same hotel.
I would be so offended I think if it was me both me and hubby would pull out

I got married when my dd was 8 weeks and my niece was 10 weeks.
Both of them slept for much of the day, you wouldn't even know they were there.

That said. Tell your sister now that you can't attend so she can sort out another moh.

Is your sister usually used to getting what she wants regardless of what that is?

I don’t have dc but even I know you don’t leave a newborn for that long unless you absolutely must and what she is asking is beyond unreasonable. Your suggestion that baby comes with MIL to look after them upstairs is the best solution and tbh if she doesn’t like that she can fuck off. I bet she wouldn’t want to leave her newborn for such a vapid reason.

Yes, indeed. Not the trend nowadays, but a wedding would be the chance for far-flung family to meet any new babies (if briefly, between feeds, naps and changes), catch up with children whose lives are changing rapidly, and also with oldies who may not be with us much longer. It was all about sharing the joy, which actually made everyone shine brighter.

Your sister is a cunt

Sorry

I’d at an absolute push accept baby being on the premises with dh or mil and I would go feed/ check on baby regularly. If I couldn’t do that I wouldn’t go.

Your sister is a mean cow. I wouldn’t have wanted to be separated from my newborn for more than 1 - 2 hours! 1 day or 2 is cruel for mum and baby. I wouldn’t go and support someone so self centred and mean.