MOH for sister and newborn not allowed in wedding venue

[Elliee0810]

I am the MOH for my sister for her wedding in May. We are both very close!
After 4 miscarriages I am expecting my miracle baby 6 weeks before the wedding (if baby is overdue this could be 4 weeks).
I have asked my sister if my MIL could look after the baby upstairs in the hotel room the entire day. My sister has said in the past she wouldn’t want the baby to steal the limelight so I thought if baby is “hidden” nearby I can quickly nip up if I’m breastfeeding or if he won’t settle. My sister has absolutely said the baby is not welcome at the wedding (which I understand a tiny bit) or not welcome to stay in a hotel room upstairs being cared for. She said it’s her day and should be all about her and not the baby and that she’d resent me and the baby if he was on the premises. She said she was happy for the baby to stay nearby in another hotel or air bnb but that costs a fortune and the closest one is the 20+ minutes drive away.I don’t think I’ve ever been so hurt or offended in my life. I don’t know what to do. My husband is a groomsman and he’s thinking of not attending the wedding now as the baby will need a parent being so young. Will the baby be okay to be apart for 1-2 days? Will I be okay with this being 4-6 weeks PP? Does anyone have any advice?

Your sister is being pathetically fragile if she thinks a baby will steal the thunder of a bride. I understand child free weddings but if she wants her sister there then she will have to make an exception in circumstances like this..

Your sister is deluded. Your 'solution' was fine. I would not attend more than the quick ceremony and get back to my baby ASAP. Your sister is unreasonable.

I totally agree - this is really unreasonable behaviour on the part of your sister.
You can't keep a mum from her baby for some silly ego reason. Your MIL should - at the very least - be allowed to stay with your baby in the room.
You may have to pull out and say you have to be nearby a few weeks after the birth x

Wow just wow she is one spoilt brat you will
not want to leave your baby let your sister have her day and enjoy your newborn snuggles

Will the baby be okay to be apart for 1-2 days? Will I be okay with this being 4-6 weeks PP?
No and No.
Congratulations 💐

My sister has said in the past she wouldn’t want the baby to steal the limelight

There are no words.

When we got married my nephew was only two weeks old. It never crossed my mind to not want him there. I was most concerned beforehand in case he was overdue or there was some other reason to prevent my sister coming. Thankfully he arrived on time and all went well and they were both at the wedding. Of course he got a lot of attention, from me included! I can't imagine how you could contemplate having a family event like a wedding and then exclude the family's newest member.

Are your parents still alive and do they know what her stance is on this? Might your DM have a word and try to get her to accept your reasonable compromise?

I can only add to what others are saying. With a baby that young you won't want to be far away, especially if you are breastfeeding.

Bridezilla has only two options- she either accepts your (more than) reasonable offer of the MIL+baby upstairs or you don't attend.

You can't really count on a tiny newborn being OK with Dad in an air bnb 20 minutes away. Baby might not take a bottle, might be a velcro baby, might be unwell and need mum. Babies are hard work at this age. The best option would be to have the baby with you during the wedding.

Oh- weddings used to be lovely family occasions. All those people that would love to meet your new baby won’t get to.
I don’t understand it.

Your sister's attitude is unbelievable!!!!

Obviously she is a nutter. But you cannot be thinking straight if you are considering being apart from your baby for up to 2days. At best you will struggle with feeding it after that, worse; it will end you b/f. And that will make you feel guilty and so on. Her wedding is a day, your baby is a lifetimes commitment.

With you pg history, your little miracle is worth so much more than your terribly selfish sister.

My baby would win over this ridiculous list of demands.
Sister better find herself another MOH.
Nobody puts baby in the corner!!

She said it’s her day and should be all about her and not the baby and that she’d resent me and the baby if he was on the premises.

Is she six years old?

When your baby is born you wont want to leave him for any more than half an hour let alone for hours or for 1-2 days. Its just a natural feeling. Apart from leaving my DD with my partner for maybe a couple of hours here and there I couldnt leave her with anyone else until she had reached 6 months and that was only for 3 hours! Your solution was so reasonable but if your sister wont go for it then I agree you should just tell her now you cant go as you need to be there for the little one.

Will mum/auntie/cousin have a word.
Don’t be shy about saying bride didn’t want any babies on premises if anyone asks why not going.
Maybe karma will bite her on bum and someone with triplet babies will be staying in same hotel.

This is beyond callous of your sister. 4-6 weeks is tiny. I agree with the poster that said give your apologies now. Utterly selfish, ridiculous and uncalled for putting you under this stress.

If she is not willing to meet you halfway with your very reasonable compromise then fuck her. She sounds dreadful - what normal adult would worry about their own niece or nephew stealing the limelight? Pathetic.

I had this exact same situation with my sister last year, my LO was 6 months old though but exclusively breastfed…. We did go to the wedding and my LO ended up being unwell and sleeping in the buggy outside the venue for majority of the day anyway. But her decision to exclude my LO from the wedding entirely really tore our family apart…..and even to this date things aren’t the same.

It actually sounds as though the sister spends her time reading Reddit threads - there are so many on there which go on and on about people/situations stealing attention at weddings.

I mean, she can’t really stop you!! If at the time you say you need baby there what can she do, it’s your hotel room?!

but with the level of unreasonability I would pull out. Or solely attend the ceremony then leave…

This. It’s unfortunate but nothing else you can do.

Your sister is being so unreasonable it is off the scale.

I'd tell Bridezilla now that it is not possible to be apart from such a small baby for so long so either baby comes to the wedding (with your MIL to look after him upstairs) or none of you will be going to the wedding.

Is your mum around? If so, what does she have to say?

Oh please yes 🙏🏼

Your sister is being an absolute bitch. It’s not like there’s only a certain amount of “attention” to go round! And that young, the baby will likely be asleep for most of it, nothing much for the guests to see apart from a quick “ahh isn’t s/he cute”. What does your mum say? I would give your and DH apologies right now.
I will say, 4 weeks after I was still struggling to walk (had horrendous hip pain). I couldn’t have done MOH duties. And you could have a C-section. Would she accuse you of ruining her wedding if you couldn’t “perform” as she wants you to?

The thing is, it will probably only be when she has a baby of her own that she will realise what a massive arsehole she is being, so be prepared for that too.

Good luck with your rainbow baby OP, I also had 4 miscarriages before my second daughter who is now 9. It was a horrible time, but I would go through it again to have her ❤️

What an absolute Bridezilla. So worried your baby will ‘steal the limelight’ she bans it from anywhere near the wedding! Pull out now!