MOH for sister and newborn not allowed in wedding venue

[Elliee0810]

I am the MOH for my sister for her wedding in May. We are both very close!
After 4 miscarriages I am expecting my miracle baby 6 weeks before the wedding (if baby is overdue this could be 4 weeks).
I have asked my sister if my MIL could look after the baby upstairs in the hotel room the entire day. My sister has said in the past she wouldn’t want the baby to steal the limelight so I thought if baby is “hidden” nearby I can quickly nip up if I’m breastfeeding or if he won’t settle. My sister has absolutely said the baby is not welcome at the wedding (which I understand a tiny bit) or not welcome to stay in a hotel room upstairs being cared for. She said it’s her day and should be all about her and not the baby and that she’d resent me and the baby if he was on the premises. She said she was happy for the baby to stay nearby in another hotel or air bnb but that costs a fortune and the closest one is the 20+ minutes drive away.I don’t think I’ve ever been so hurt or offended in my life. I don’t know what to do. My husband is a groomsman and he’s thinking of not attending the wedding now as the baby will need a parent being so young. Will the baby be okay to be apart for 1-2 days? Will I be okay with this being 4-6 weeks PP? Does anyone have any advice?

Currently 3 weeks post partum, there is no way I’d leave my LO for 1-2 days. My hormones and parental anxiety just wouldn’t allow it. It hits you much harder and faster than you realise.

Ps. Your sister is a twat of the highest order. This baby is her niece or nephew. I’d honestly go no contact with my sibling if they ever said my newborn after so much loss and heartache was banned from the premises when you have offered such a practical and considered solution that still leaves the day all about her.

Some aunt she will make. My sister’s first born was easily the most beautiful baby I had ever seen. I can’t imagine telling my sister that her new born was not welcome.

Just tell her now it’s not feasible.

Your sister seems very self-centered. Let her know you can't be MOH unless she changes her stance.

Your priority is your little baby.

All the best to you.

@Elliee0810 your sister is a first class bitch.

There is absolutely no way that a 4-6 week old breastfed baby can be away from it's num for kore than a couple of hours nevwr mind a couple of days.

Your suggestion of your mil staying in the hotel ia beyond rasonable.

At this point I would be withdrawing from the wedding. The pain and leakage alone from not feeding or being able to pump will cripple you never mind bung away from such a new baby.

I was 7 weeks and 9weeks post partum when my best friend and then my sister got married. I withdew as a bridesmaid because I couldn't give either the focus they deswrved/wantes as I knew the baby would need me 110% but there was new any mention that I would leave my newborn for either wedding

I'm betting it’s not. I had to decline going to a cousin’s wedding some years back (we are all close). It was an overseas wedding (her home country - a long haul flight). Invite said no children. All my family were going but my DC was 5. No one for me to leave him with, not that I’d leave him to go overseas for a few days/the weekend.

I got some stick for it, but I pointed out it was her/her DH’s wishes for a child free wedding, and I wasn’t about to leave my DC with god knows who, spend thousands on a ticket and be without DC for x number of days. Cousin changed her tune and apologised to me once she had her own DC.

It’s a tiny newborn. Don’t leave it for a wedding, even your sisters. If you’re close she’d u estate. When she has her own children hopefully she’ll feel like a dick an apologise,

I would have to decline, your sister is awful and don’t think I’d be able to get past this

Totally agree. What a hideously selfish sibling.

Her suggestion will not work:

• if you are BF, you can't be away from the baby that long. BF is not going to be fully established and you will ruin your progress by not feeding (pump is not as strong as baby), so you will possibly dry out and or get mastitis. Both horrible for you.
• and being away from a little lovely baby will be terrible at that age.

You original suggestion is great, and would be perfect. I think your sister should allow the baby to 'attend', she is being rather unreasonable in her approach.

Child free weddings are fairly common though and plenty of parents are willing to leave their children - obviously if fortunate to be able to get sitters.

BUT there’s almost always an exception for babes in arms. For good reason.

I cannot wait for the thread when your sister has her first baby, the messiah himself.

Stand your ground and don’t let her force you into ANYTHING you are uncomfortable with.

No way on earth would I be separated from my baby at this age. No way.

She's being hugely unreasonable, I'm guessing she doesn't have kids? I really don't think youd be ready to be apart from your baby when they're so young, the need to be close is for mother and baby (my best friend has an almost 1 year old and still struggles to be apart from her for even a couple of hours!). If I was you I'd pull out, you have to put your child's needs first and that will sometimes involve upsetting people! She's being bridezilla and hopefully she'll see that after the wedding has passed.

I think it depends how youre planning on feeding. If you're not breastfeeding it sint be physically possible, you'll be leaking everywhere, it will mess with your supply etc. If you're planning on bottle feeding it might work but think your husband would have to step down from the wedding to look after the baby.

This baby is her niece or nephew too!! What a horrible selfish self centred person the sitter is 😳

Your Sister sounds incredibly selfish.
Your Mil upstairs in the hotel is the perfect plan.

Stand your ground. She is being very unreasonable.

You'll feel awful being apart from your baby for a whole day - I wouldn't have been able to do it. And if you are breastfeeding it will be nigh on impossible. Just tell her now you won't be able to be her MOH. She has a horrible, selfish attitude by the way, bride or no bride. Massive red flag.

She's being fucking ridiculous and I say that as someone who's never been pregnant, never mind post partum. And I'm all for child free events. You've offered a perfectly good solution, but madam is still throwing a tantrum. Withdraw now and don't apologise. This is all on her.

Your sister is being unreasonable. Tell her you definitley can’t be maid of honour and you won’t know until you meet baby and know what health state she’s in if you’ll be able to be separated at all - for the first couple of months at the very least you and baby come as a package that she can take or leave, so if she totally says no to baby then it’s a no to you too sadly. What a terrible way to treat a niece or nephew.

There is no way your sister's wedding is more important than your newborn.
If she's going to be a primadonna about you even having access to each other on her big day then she doesn't deserve either of you.
Your choice whether to drop out now, or disobey about where the baby is and drop out on the day when she's a dick about it.

Remember to be a dick if/when she has her first if she doesn't back right down. Not even joking.

That was what I expected to happen at mine. Unfortunately, the parents didn't remove the baby. (I'm assuming that they didn't want to miss a second of their elder daughter being one of my flower girls.)

I genuinely had difficulty hearing myself saying my vows.

Having said that, I wouldn't have thought to ban the baby from the wedding - just expected the mother to have a bit of sense. (The dad was one of the ushers.)

My eldest baby had a tricky start to life after not breathing at birth and then wouldn’t settle without me at all and I couldn’t leave her for longer than a 5 minute toilet break without her breaking windows getting hysterical away from me. What if you have similar from your baby? Or like most mums you can’t physically leave her longer than 30 minutes because you can’t? It’s a mum thing and once they are born you often literally can’t leave them and don’t want to - completely normal as they have been attached to you for best part of a year!

Your parents need to have a stern word with your sister especially if they’re financially contributing to the wedding - my mother would read me the riot act if I was a princess bridezilla like hee

This is a good point actually. If you DO want to go to the wedding to see family and to show off baby then do this (but don’t be maid of honor)

Oh well, she’ll need to get a new MOH then. What a stupid cow she is. I understand how hurtful it must be though. How could she even stop your MIL being upstairs with the baby? She can’t dictate what other guests in the hotel do. Daft bint. Jealous of a 4 - 6 week old baby, her nephew no less. Pathetic

Realistically, you can't go.