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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

MOH for sister and newborn not allowed in wedding venue

929 replies

Elliee0810 · 11/01/2026 18:26

I am the MOH for my sister for her wedding in May. We are both very close!
After 4 miscarriages I am expecting my miracle baby 6 weeks before the wedding (if baby is overdue this could be 4 weeks).
I have asked my sister if my MIL could look after the baby upstairs in the hotel room the entire day. My sister has said in the past she wouldn’t want the baby to steal the limelight so I thought if baby is “hidden” nearby I can quickly nip up if I’m breastfeeding or if he won’t settle. My sister has absolutely said the baby is not welcome at the wedding (which I understand a tiny bit) or not welcome to stay in a hotel room upstairs being cared for. She said it’s her day and should be all about her and not the baby and that she’d resent me and the baby if he was on the premises. She said she was happy for the baby to stay nearby in another hotel or air bnb but that costs a fortune and the closest one is the 20+ minutes drive away.I don’t think I’ve ever been so hurt or offended in my life. I don’t know what to do. My husband is a groomsman and he’s thinking of not attending the wedding now as the baby will need a parent being so young. Will the baby be okay to be apart for 1-2 days? Will I be okay with this being 4-6 weeks PP? Does anyone have any advice?

OP posts:
catownerofthenorth · 11/01/2026 20:51

Tell your sister she needs a new MOH. Anybody who is so precious that they will deny a newborn their MOTHER just to have their own way needs cutting loose.

MikeRafone · 11/01/2026 20:52

I really don’t get it, a baby being upstairs and cared for by an adult not attached to the wedding, seems ridiculous to refuse.

id just go to the wedding as a guest and sprint off early, ask MIL to look after baby for a couple of hours

that way you get to be at wedding, see family and friends, then get back to new baby

waterrat · 11/01/2026 20:53

by the way - I think to not allow a literally just born baby at the ceremony when you have a key role is GROSS MADNESS
yes, I know others will disagree - but so what if a baby cries! a tteeny newborn cry and mum can pop out.

We have lost our marbles for insta 'perfect' culture where humans can't enjoy or celebrate unless everything is 'curated' and peffect

weddings are a day for people who love you to celebrate YOUR love and relationship- that can happen - with joy! - with babies/ toddlers whoever is part of that community.

Needtosoundoffandbreathe · 11/01/2026 20:53

I think you believe you are closer to your sister than she thinks. Her attitude is unbelievably selfish and unreasonable. Her wedding is one day from all of your lives and she thinks a baby will steal her thunder? She's bonkers and she doesn't care about you.

waterrat · 11/01/2026 20:54

so personally I don't even like the MIL upstairs plan - you will be distracted! why not just there with baby in sling or buggy? so you can BF on demand?

Your sister will look back one day and be mortified

surely any aunts/grannies friends will all want cuddles - and that is not a distraction but an enhancment of the wedding.

Jane143 · 11/01/2026 20:54

Awful. Keep your baby with you. Newborns are still part of u at that age

Sugarsugarcane · 11/01/2026 20:55

Elliee0810 · 11/01/2026 18:26

I am the MOH for my sister for her wedding in May. We are both very close!
After 4 miscarriages I am expecting my miracle baby 6 weeks before the wedding (if baby is overdue this could be 4 weeks).
I have asked my sister if my MIL could look after the baby upstairs in the hotel room the entire day. My sister has said in the past she wouldn’t want the baby to steal the limelight so I thought if baby is “hidden” nearby I can quickly nip up if I’m breastfeeding or if he won’t settle. My sister has absolutely said the baby is not welcome at the wedding (which I understand a tiny bit) or not welcome to stay in a hotel room upstairs being cared for. She said it’s her day and should be all about her and not the baby and that she’d resent me and the baby if he was on the premises. She said she was happy for the baby to stay nearby in another hotel or air bnb but that costs a fortune and the closest one is the 20+ minutes drive away.I don’t think I’ve ever been so hurt or offended in my life. I don’t know what to do. My husband is a groomsman and he’s thinking of not attending the wedding now as the baby will need a parent being so young. Will the baby be okay to be apart for 1-2 days? Will I be okay with this being 4-6 weeks PP? Does anyone have any advice?

I had to attend a funeral 10 days after my first baby was born, it was so grim. Was heartbroken to have to leave her with a relative so early for a few hours and at the funeral my boobs were sore and leaking, I compromised control of my bladder and gas and was bleeding still
don’t do it

Panda69 · 11/01/2026 20:55

Think your sister needs to cancel her wedding! She obviously is way too immature to be getting narried! Your sister is being absolutely ridiculous! And if your family are not telling her she is being totally unreasonable, they need their heads wobbling! Im shocked at her attitude and behaviour..if i was you,I don't think I could ever look at her the same,or feel the same way about her....You cherish your baby,and do what feels comfortable for you.Once you have your baby and it being so young I don't think you will feel comfortable leaving it. Please don't stress too much over the situation and let it spoil this precious and special time for you...I would calmly tell her,with other people there,that you are not sure you would be able to leave your very young baby,so perhaps best to stand down as maid of honour,as you have tried to go along with her wishes,but as baby not "allowed "to be in the hotel being looked after,you can't make it work.......I'm still shocked at her totally unreasonable demands !!!

AnotherEmma · 11/01/2026 20:55

Congratulations on your pregnancy, that's wonderful news especially after your losses.

Honestly? Your sister sounds awful. The two of you can't really be close if this is her attitude to your pregnancy and the baby you'll have.

You should definitely decline to be MOH and tell her you will have to wait and see how you and baby are doing before deciding whether to attend the wedding without your baby.

Tbh I'd be tempted to say fuck you and your wedding but probably best to stay polite and not burn bridges! You do need to take a very big step back from her though.

Sorry your sister has let you down so much, I can imagine it must really hurt Flowers

TicTac80 · 11/01/2026 20:55

Your sister is being outrageous not allowing your (very sensible and great) suggestion of having your MIL look after baby in a hotel room at the venue.

I think you need to withdraw from being a MOH/coming to the wedding. You’re not being awkward, you’re not being difficult. She doesn’t want baby there, that’s fine…but she can’t then expect you to just leave baby for x number of hours/days. if you are BFing the baby, you simply can’t be away from them for a long time (certainly not at such a young age when you’re trying to establish feeding etc).

I have two DC, and both were BF at 6wks PP. There’s no way I would have left them for more than a couple of hours at that age (and if they were going through a stage of cluster feeding, then forget the couple of hours!).

My youngest was about 10days old when my DB got married and I did double check we were ok to all still go: he/SIL looked at me as if I was nuts and told me that ofc they wanted us all there (if me/baby felt up to it). Another friend had a 4wk old. There were comfy spaces for us to feed the babies and really good facilities. The babies didn’t steal the limelight, we were all there to celebrate my DB and DSIL. FWIW, by the time I went back to work, my DC were 6 and 8 months old…BFing/supply well established so I could leave for a few hours (and express to not lose supply/risk mastitis). If my DB and DSIL said they didn’t want babies/children at their wedding, I wouldn’t have been able to make it.

I understand people wanting child free weddings (their day after all), but I think babes in arms is a different ball game: if you want the parents of a tiny baby at your wedding, you should expect the baby to be with them (or looked after very close by/on site!).

viques · 11/01/2026 20:56

Do make sure that you let a few indiscreet people know about the grown woman upstaged by tiny baby remarks. And enjoy staying at home chilling out with your fabulous baby rather than hanging around waiting for bridezilla to get the perfect photos/ wearing a unflattering and uncomfortable outfit / eating overpriced and under seasoned food while drinking overpriced wine.

merrymonsters · 11/01/2026 20:56

The baby will be way too young to be separated from you. At that age, and older frankly,
I just didn't want them to be away from me.

I would tell your sister that you have to stand down as MOH and possibly not attend the wedding at all if she's totally banning newborns.

Your sister is being horrible and she'll realise it if she ever has children herself.

PrincessFluffyPants · 11/01/2026 20:56

I am furious for you @Elliee0810 that your sister is putting you in this awful position and trying to make you choose between her or your newborn. I hope you find a few well aimed words when you withdraw from her wedding.

Dollyfloss · 11/01/2026 20:57

Wow, your sister is unbelievable.

The stuff I read on Mn every day never ceases to amaze me - so glad I don’t know people like this in RL. Shocking behaviour.

MaggieFS · 11/01/2026 20:58

To give your sister the benefit of the doubt… she just does not get it. MIL upstairs to look after the baby is the PERFECT solution to enable both you and DH to do your duties. 20 minutes away is completely impractical, never mind the cost.

You’re doing the right thing by not trying to insist the baby is with you every second of the day.

(Although I had a 4wo and 3mo at my wedding and if you didn’t see them, you wouldn’t have known they were there).

If she won’t budge then you and DH pull out.

ooohthatsanicefondantfancy · 11/01/2026 20:58

LiffLuffLaff · 11/01/2026 18:30

You’re as mad as she is if you agree to go along with this crap. It’s frankly quite hard to believe.

You and your DH should say you can no longer attend.

She created the problem. She can fix it.

Yep- this is one of the most selfish and entitled things I've ever read on here and you would indeed be mad to go along with this nonsense.

I would be backing out now and telling her I am no longer being her MOH. What a selfish fucking cow your sister is.

Shellythesnail2333 · 11/01/2026 20:58

Elliee0810 · 11/01/2026 18:26

I am the MOH for my sister for her wedding in May. We are both very close!
After 4 miscarriages I am expecting my miracle baby 6 weeks before the wedding (if baby is overdue this could be 4 weeks).
I have asked my sister if my MIL could look after the baby upstairs in the hotel room the entire day. My sister has said in the past she wouldn’t want the baby to steal the limelight so I thought if baby is “hidden” nearby I can quickly nip up if I’m breastfeeding or if he won’t settle. My sister has absolutely said the baby is not welcome at the wedding (which I understand a tiny bit) or not welcome to stay in a hotel room upstairs being cared for. She said it’s her day and should be all about her and not the baby and that she’d resent me and the baby if he was on the premises. She said she was happy for the baby to stay nearby in another hotel or air bnb but that costs a fortune and the closest one is the 20+ minutes drive away.I don’t think I’ve ever been so hurt or offended in my life. I don’t know what to do. My husband is a groomsman and he’s thinking of not attending the wedding now as the baby will need a parent being so young. Will the baby be okay to be apart for 1-2 days? Will I be okay with this being 4-6 weeks PP? Does anyone have any advice?

FGS your sister is being a Bridezilla!! Youve bent over backwards and arranged for your MIL to have the baby in the hotel room, hidden away, to not steal her thunder (note; even if the baby is at the service, the bride is always centre of attention!!). It should be a joy for her to have her niece/nephew there!!

Holalolaholiday · 11/01/2026 20:59

Surely this is an absolute wind-up post?

Echobelly · 11/01/2026 20:59

Tell her a baby won't 'steal her limelight' - our best man's 2-week-old newborn was at our wedding and we were delighted. It never occurred to me for a moment to feel some kind of rivalry with a baby! She ought to just be happy for you and hoping you can both make it well and happily.

I think she is being utterly daft and immature but I think you should tell her (not in an confrontational way) that you won't be able to commit to being MOH, as you don't know how you will be feeling, and that in order to come to the wedding you'll need to have the baby beside you, who will probably be asleep most of the time and not capable of being very noisy yet, and that you may need to duck in and out of things and probably finish early. I would have been totally fine if that was the case with my sister and she has no right determining what you do with your newborn.

cupfinalchaos · 11/01/2026 21:00

Wtf?! Does she expect you to leave your baby to starve if you’re breastfeeding? Fine she doesn’t want a baby crying during the ceremony, but to say it can’t even be upstairs so you can feed it?

There isn’t much that shocks me on here but this wins.

PeachySmile2 · 11/01/2026 21:00

Your sister is disgusting

DrHGS · 11/01/2026 21:00

To massively give her the benefit of the doubt, she may not have fully thought through what she is asking of you. Tell her to read about the fourth trimester and how important it is for mum and baby to be together during this time of adjustment. If she is still insistent that you can’t have baby at the venue, you will have to step down as MOH. There is no way you will be able to or will want to be away from your baby for that long.

Purplecatshopaholic · 11/01/2026 21:00

Blimey, new low reached in bridezilla competition! Is she normally such a selfish cow? She can’t be serious. If she is, I wouldn’t go. Nor would my husband. I’d give no fucks if it caused err, arguments either. Good grief.

IdleThoughts · 11/01/2026 21:01

I'd send my apologies, unfortunately you can't leave a newborn for 2 days with someone else, so you won't be attending. Your sister is completely batshit.

chakademusandplier · 11/01/2026 21:03

Bollocks to that.

Go to the wedding with your baby and dress the baby in the whitest, longest, most frilliest christening gown you can find (one that resembles a teeny tiny wedding dress) then parade that glorious baby around in front of everyone and their dog.

Bonus points if you can photo bomb with the baby in the wedding photos.