MOH for sister and newborn not allowed in wedding venue

[Elliee0810]

I am the MOH for my sister for her wedding in May. We are both very close!
After 4 miscarriages I am expecting my miracle baby 6 weeks before the wedding (if baby is overdue this could be 4 weeks).
I have asked my sister if my MIL could look after the baby upstairs in the hotel room the entire day. My sister has said in the past she wouldn’t want the baby to steal the limelight so I thought if baby is “hidden” nearby I can quickly nip up if I’m breastfeeding or if he won’t settle. My sister has absolutely said the baby is not welcome at the wedding (which I understand a tiny bit) or not welcome to stay in a hotel room upstairs being cared for. She said it’s her day and should be all about her and not the baby and that she’d resent me and the baby if he was on the premises. She said she was happy for the baby to stay nearby in another hotel or air bnb but that costs a fortune and the closest one is the 20+ minutes drive away.I don’t think I’ve ever been so hurt or offended in my life. I don’t know what to do. My husband is a groomsman and he’s thinking of not attending the wedding now as the baby will need a parent being so young. Will the baby be okay to be apart for 1-2 days? Will I be okay with this being 4-6 weeks PP? Does anyone have any advice?

She is being fucking bonkers to say baby can’t stay in the hotel. Fine if not at the ceremony due to fussing and crying but not even upstairs?!

ridiculous

Absolutely not IMO. I do have a friend who bottle fed and had a very chilled baby, she left him with her husband overnight to go to her friend's wedding (Edit: at 8 weeks old). I think it completely depends what baby you get. My breast-fed little clinger was cluster feeding all night at 4-6 weeks pp and has still never been away from me more than 1.5 hours (almost 11mo now).

Caveat to the above I think it's plain unreasonable and inconsiderate of your sister not to even allow baby to be in a room upstairs!

You can’t go to the wedding. You will need to let your sister know and instead focus on you and your baby.

This^

your sister is very unreasonable, selfish and mean but for your mental health sake do as @CapybarasAreJustGuineaBigs advices, wish your sister well, send her a big card and present and then concentrate on yourself.

Gosh I can't believe how selfish your sister is! Really spoilt and entitled behaviour from her. No way would I go.

I wouldn’t plan to attend. Breastfed young baby is a privilege far greater than being MOH. If you at all want to BF, then your sister is effectively ruling you out of her wedding. You could possibly attend for a hour or two, several times in the day. But I wouldn’t be away from my bay longer and it’s ridiculous the bay can’t be hidden in a hotel room.

When I got married, my cousin (who is like a sister) had a 3 day old baby. It made the day so special that they could both be there and I have such beautiful photos of me holding her. There was not a tiny percentage me that would ever have thought to place restrictions like your sister. I have since had 2 of my own; there is absolutely no way I would have been away from them at 6 weeks and especially not for somebody as selfish as your sister.

Hopefully one day, if and when she has her own, she will reflect and apologise for being so utterly daft. As pps have said, bow out of the wedding now. You are being completely reasonable to not bend to her will

My LO is now 18 months old. I had a straight forward birth and no way was I ready to be separated at 4/6 weeks. Also my sister would 100% want her neice at her wedding. I’m sorry you have been put in this situation x

it was MONTHS not weeks before I could be away from my baby for more than an hour or so. That's normal.

Your sister is being a monster!

You have to just state relaly clearly - I can't leave my newborn for that long I'm so sorry and so upset but if that is the rule I actually can't come.

Shocked you think it would be ok to be away from your newborn not for just a few hours but a day or two

Also agree the babies are what weddings should be about - fertility/joy/ family/celebration

what fucked up world do we live in now where an adult can't bear a baby or child being at their marriage for these reasons.

My sister got married recently and said that anyone with childcare issues could bring their kids - one single mum was there with a small baby and everyone loved it!! the baby was passed around at the dinner table so mum could eat and it all just increased the joy.

This is great advice.

I’d pull out now. You just don’t know how things are going to go with the birth and if you’ll be kept in hospital a little while or something, and it would be better to pull out now than at shorter notice.

Personally I wouldn’t have been happy to leave a 4 week old bf baby for more than about 30 mins. (I’ve had 3). Breastfeeding at that age is really hard to predict! They could go 3 hours or 20 mins lol. And the time you might want them to feed they might be fast asleep! I think I wouldn’t be happy being your MIL either and being left with a bf baby that was that little. If the baby wants feeding, the baby wants feeding!

I really hope your sister can get past this. Because it sounds a bit crackers tbh.

Just tell her now you can’t attend. Don’t be guilted into it.
Your plan of MIL upstairs in hotel entirely away from wedding and you popping up as needed was entirely sensible.
Breastfeeding or not you won’t want to leave a 4/6 week baby for hours.

Once you have your baby, you won't want to be forced to be away like that for 2 days. You'll be miserable. If you're breastfeeding it simply won't be possible. She's being a self-important BITCH

So jealous and juvenile of you sister to do this. She sounds deranged. Is she the golden child by any chance?

Totally agree with everyone saying decline now and avoid the drama. You don’t need this stress - enjoy the rest of your pregnancy 🪷

Not allowed in the hotel - then it’ll have to be a camper van in the car park, right by the front door!

More seriously the baby’s likely needs and you being 20 mins away really aren’t compatible.

So unless you can stay in the hotel, which seems a sensible solution, then you can’t attend.

It may cause a rift - but so be it.

Tell your sister she is being unreasonable. If she can’t accommodate you and your baby then you won’t be MOH and your DH won’t be a groomsman. This is taking the Bridezilla role to extremes. I know a baby can cause havoc at a wedding but you aren’t asking for him to attend, you are asking for him to be close enough so that you can be the mother he needs at such a young age. Put it back into her court. She either has the baby in the hotel or she loses her MOH. I think she’ll come round.

She sounds awful.
Don’t go

There is no way I’d be MOH for someone who was this much of a dickhead.

Say no, now.

All the best with your baby.

Wow that’s really hard Op especially when you’ve already come up with a solution. Honestly you won’t want to be apart from baby and depending on when they arrive and the birth, you may also still be swollen/sore and exhausted. Baby will likely want lots of feeds and may even cluster feed (they don’t stop!!). I don’t think it’s possible and so I’d opt out now.

I would be very hurt and offended too.

Lots of people leave their babies to attend an event when they're a few weeks old but you absolutely don't have to, either you or your husband. Here's the thing - you can prioritise your own child over your sister. Its ok to do that. You should do that However you choose. Prioritise yourself, your baby and your relationship with your baby. Your sister cannot tell you not to have your baby in the hotel. She being a pretentious, obnoxious dickhead and I don't care that it's her wedding day. She's not behaving like a reasonable adult and she's definitely not behaving like a caring sister.

And massive congratulations 💜

Bloody hell, what have I just read? One of the people who should love you most in the world (I assume as your MOH) is scared she will upstages by a newborn sat upstairs in the hotel room… wow. I assume she knows what you have been through?

are your parents on the scene, could it be that she worries that they will be popping up to see grandchild??? To be honest if you’re a close family I’d say to your parents you can no longer attend and explain why. You also need to tell her… she is literally asking you to choose between your newborn and her wedding 🤣🤣🤣 I’m assuming if you choose the wedding for years to come she will use it as a some ‘cute’ story…

all the above aside, having a much wanted child myself, it would be an absolute no to be apart for that length at that age. If you’re breastfeeding you’ll need to express or feed baby, or sort bottles and train them early to take a bottle (fine if that’s what you want). I guess you could go and let your boobs take the attention when the leak everywhere 🤣🤣🤣

i assume she has lost your respect over this?

Unless she has booked exclusive use of whole hotel and paid for all the rooms then anyone can stay in a room. She can’t dictate who stays in rooms if it’s just a normal hotel.

Sorry but your sister is a massive C U Next Tuesday.
nobody is looking at anyone more than a bride on her wedding day. The world we live in now is totally bizzare. That’s her niece or nephew. She’s ruined you and hers relationship as no matter what you will never truly forgive her for this. After her precious wedding she’ll probably get pregnant herself then she’ll see.
my now best friend (wasn’t so close at the time so not Bridesmaid) was like this even tho she had a 1yo. I was 8wks post partum. Had to go back and forth all day was a total pain for me and I didn’t enjoy the wedding, I wished I didn’t bother.
then my husband was groomsman for our friends and our baby was 2weeks old. Baby wasn’t allowed so I declined and DH only stayed 1 night instead of 2 and we keep our distance from them now. What family/close friends don’t want to share in each others happy news. Weird.