MOH for sister and newborn not allowed in wedding venue

[Elliee0810]

I am the MOH for my sister for her wedding in May. We are both very close!
After 4 miscarriages I am expecting my miracle baby 6 weeks before the wedding (if baby is overdue this could be 4 weeks).
I have asked my sister if my MIL could look after the baby upstairs in the hotel room the entire day. My sister has said in the past she wouldn’t want the baby to steal the limelight so I thought if baby is “hidden” nearby I can quickly nip up if I’m breastfeeding or if he won’t settle. My sister has absolutely said the baby is not welcome at the wedding (which I understand a tiny bit) or not welcome to stay in a hotel room upstairs being cared for. She said it’s her day and should be all about her and not the baby and that she’d resent me and the baby if he was on the premises. She said she was happy for the baby to stay nearby in another hotel or air bnb but that costs a fortune and the closest one is the 20+ minutes drive away.I don’t think I’ve ever been so hurt or offended in my life. I don’t know what to do. My husband is a groomsman and he’s thinking of not attending the wedding now as the baby will need a parent being so young. Will the baby be okay to be apart for 1-2 days? Will I be okay with this being 4-6 weeks PP? Does anyone have any advice?

Your sister is a cunt….but you know that anyway

WHAT?! Your sister doesn’t want her own nephew to “steal the limelight”? Unless this is a drip feed and you’re about to add that you’ve already bought his outfit and it’s a a white dress and veil, you aren’t in any way being unreasonable.

I cannot imagine saying such a thing to anybody, much less my own sister and much less when she was pregnant after four miscarriages.

Your sister is a spoiled bitch and I echo others saying to just call it now and say that because of her rules, you’ll have to take a rain check due to the fact that you’ll have an- at most- a six week old baby and that they, pretty famously, need their mums with them at all times.

I apologise if someone’s already asked this and you’ve answered, but where are your parents in all of this? I’ve got a sister who is the youngest and in true, cliché youngest child style she is pampered and indulged by my parents something rotten (and was quite a pain in the lead-up to her own wedding). However if she had pulled something like this about one of her newborn nieces, my parents would have told her to get a fucking hold of herself.

As I say my sister was pretty badly behaved in the run up to her wedding, but even she wouldn’t have pulled this. She’s besotted with my and our brothers kids, having a brand-new one at her wedding would have been welcomed.

Who are these awful fucking women who think that their weddings are an opportunity to be as badly behaved as they like and demand the most unreasonable things? I mean your wording says it all really… it’s “all about her”. No mention even of her intended spouse. I bet even he is hardly factoring into her thinking.

Tell Princess Tippytoes to get to fuck and enjoy the day doing something less tedious with your husband and new baby.

Your sister is being unbelievably selfish and making herself look ridiculous - a complete bridezilla.
You cannot commit to attending and she needs to find another MOH. Your DH needs to consider whether he wants to attend.

Absolutely not. Even if all goes well, a wedding is a long day/evening, if you are breastfeeding you will be leaking milk and needing to pump or risk mastitis. Your baby may not take a bottle and will want you. Even if bottle feeding you may struggle being apart for that long

Worst case scenario baby will arrive a couple of weeks late and you need an emergency section or stitches so may be in a degree of pain still and not really up for the whole bridesmaid dress thing.

You've offered a reasonable compromise having the baby upstairs with your MIL. If your sister doesn't want that I'd have to bow out.

Is your sister actually old enough to get married? Because she sounds about 12.

Not on your Nelly ! The ONLY way you would manage this wedding would be for DC to be on site ( and in your arms for most of the day) with a room for you to rest in for part of the day .
I woule decline to attend if this is not acceptable . Your baby trumps her wedding in your priorities .

She’s not very nice is she? Pull out of being MOH, just say you can just attend the ceremony, as you need to get home to the baby. I assume she doesn’t have children yet. She’ll change her tune when she does!

No.

Wow that is so shockingly selfish of her and puts you in (imo) an impossible position.

If breastfeeding you will need baby near by. Baby won’t get a say but IMO baby needs mum for many months most of the time although he will be ok with DH or MIL if bottle fed, if you feel able to leave him, but I very much doubt you will want to leave him for a whole day or more.

I would say to your sister that you won’t be able
to attend under those circumstances and you hope she can reconsider.

If you are not there then most guests will be sure to ask her why and if you are ok etc … taking the limelight off her lol

I was my sisters MOH when my baby was 8 weeks old and breastfed. My baby was invited to the wedding and was at the full day, my in laws were invited and they helped my husband with the kids. I didn’t bring my baby to the morning when we were getting ready- she wanted a relaxing morning without the baby crying etc. which I was happy with and I found to be a reasonable request.

I would make your apologises and say you will attend the service or some small part of the wedding but if your newborn cannot be in the same venue it’s not going to be practical to be there the whole day. Your baby is going to be very young and may struggle being away from you. If you are planing to pump I found it wasn’t as effective and would have been leaking everywhere in those early weeks if my baby wasn’t at the venue.

If she doesn’t want the baby at the wedding fair enough but demanding that your baby can’t be in a hotel room at the venue is very selfish. If the baby won’t settle with a bottle is she going to expect you to do a 40 min round trip to feed them. Also they can feed for long periods and very frequently at that stage. You could do it if you really wanted but I would set the expectation that you may not be available to be at the wedding all day.

If you are exclusively breastfeeding you won’t be comfortable being that far away from your baby or be able to easily - many people aren’t great at pumping / your baby may not want to take a bottle etc - I am not precious at all and I had a night nanny / did a little mixed feeding (mostly BF) - even so the max I left my babies for in the first three months was a few hours.

Nothing wrong with childfree weddings, but at 6 weeks I couldn’t have left either of my babies for more than a couple of hours (plus I was completely exhausted all the time). Your sister is being mad.

Your hormones will take over when you’ve had the baby and there’s no way you’d have him/her separated from you ‘or a day or so’! The idea is laughable and the demand is ridiculous! If you’re breastfeeding then it simply won’t even be possible.

You’ll probably end up telling her to fuck off soon after birth if her nonsense carries on, so probably best to tell her now that it won’t be feasible.

When your baby comes, you will not want to be separated from her/him. The baby may not want to be separated from you. It really is far too young. Your sister, on the face of it, is being unreasonable but if your sister has not got children, she may not realise exactly what leaving a very young baby really means. I think you have to give your apologies now and say that you will not be able to attend the wedding.

If it's about your sister let it be about her and don't go. Instead arrange a nice dinner with her and her DH once your baby is old enough to be looked after whilst you are not there for a few hours.

Bridezilla or what!!!

Just tell your sister that no one will be stealing your baby’s limelight as that’s all that matters to you and your husband.

Her limelight will have to be embraced by her other guests, as your focus is all about your baby from here on in.

Your sister is totally out of order. I would tell her to find another MoH. She should be happy and excited for you, yet all she can think about is herself. I am sorry OP but you are not being unreasonable, she is!

I would be giving apologies now as MOH. I might even give apologies for the who,e thing

expecting a mother to be away from her 4 week old baby overnight, shes atrocious in expecting that

your compromise of the baby being upstairs and you popping up is the best one if she wants you there, if she’s not prepared to accommodate then she can’t expect you there

Your comment about being close doesn’t really stand here does it?

This is a horrendous predicament. I am truly staggered by your sister though, to be jealous of a baby upstaging her, let alone a niece or nephew… I would say the hotel room option is non negotiable. She is not thinking about your needs, you need too do what is best for you and hope that when she has a baby that she then realises and apologises.
What do your parents think? Trying to be kind and assume your sister does not have very much understanding of a newborn baby, maybe someone who’s counsel like your mum could explain the dilemma she is giving you is mean and selfish.

I'm sorry you're having to draw such a difficult boundary AND maybe this is a great intro into mothering: baby comes first. Baby will need you more than your sister. Your sister comes across as immature and entitled.

Sending best wishes for you and your previous family (hubby and baby!).

Woah. Can’t believe what I’ve just read.
Your brain, body and hormones combined won’t let you be away from your baby for that long at that age. Absolutely not. The first time I left my children, they were about 3-4 months and it was for 2 hours. Each to their own. But, be absolutely prepared that not one part of you will want to part with your baby.

How insecure does someone have to be that they’re worried their niece/nephew will steal the limelight in a hotel room floors above the wedding. She’ll resent you both?! My goodness. That’s awful behaviour. You could tell her the baby won’t enter the wedding party. If people beg you when they realise baby is upstairs, just say sorry no it’s not had its jabs yet (even if it has!) and baby won’t be coming down. I found it thoroughly upsetting for you though that this is even a thing!

Something like - “I’m so sorry, I must be prepared for the fact that I won’t be able to leave a 4 week old baby for a whole day. We must prepare for this eventuality now, this could be due to breastfeeding, bottle refusal, and myself just not feeling ready to be away for that long yet. Please allow baby to be upstairs in hotel with MIL. It won’t enter the wedding party under any circumstances. If this compromise can’t be met, we must plan for the probable outcome that I won’t be able to come”

What do the others in your family think? Your parents? Just so you know, any one is crackers to agree with her.

You won’t want to be away from your baby. You’ll probably still have lochia and leaking breasts. That’s even before you consider the maternal need to be with your baby at that stage.
Gently tell your sister you’re dropping out, she’ll fall out with you but she is being a thoughtless arsewipe.

Bin off the wedding, both you and your DH. Your sister is being ridiculously unreasonable not letting baby be upstairs.
If it’s your first you will absolutely not want to be away for 1/2 days. I’d have struggled with half a day at that point with either of mine.
I don’t want to scare you but you may end up having an emergency caesarean and not want to be up and dancing away anyway, will she be annoyed at you not ‘fulfilling your duties’ at that point?
Attend for the ceremony maybe and then I’d be leaving.
I hope baby has nicer aunties 😂

I was moh for my sisters wedding at a similar time postpartum. It never crossed her mind or mine not to bring the baby with me, he was with me at all times. Just tell her that is completely ridiculous and as the baby can’t be with you, you can’t go to the wedding.

4-6 weeks is an exhausting time. No way would I have wanted to attend a whole day event let alone be moh. Back out now. Go to the ceremony and leave baby with dh. Then go home. Hormones are crazy things and being apart from a newborn is difficult.

Realistically, you can't attend the wedding if you're breastfeeding.
You could attend the ceremony, if it's a reasonable distance to travel to.

I'm not sure I'd make the effort for someone so self centered they think a 6 weeks old baby (potentially younger if baby is late), will "steal her day". I'm sorry but she's an idiot.

[Edit to say, I had my own weeding when my 2nd was 8 weeks old. By that time she was accepting the bottle to be fine a few hours, but I still had to pump every 2-3h and it was a massive pain. You don't actually know if your baby will accept the bottle, and in don't think mine would have taken it at 4-6 weeks.]