MOH for sister and newborn not allowed in wedding venue

[Elliee0810]

I am the MOH for my sister for her wedding in May. We are both very close!
After 4 miscarriages I am expecting my miracle baby 6 weeks before the wedding (if baby is overdue this could be 4 weeks).
I have asked my sister if my MIL could look after the baby upstairs in the hotel room the entire day. My sister has said in the past she wouldn’t want the baby to steal the limelight so I thought if baby is “hidden” nearby I can quickly nip up if I’m breastfeeding or if he won’t settle. My sister has absolutely said the baby is not welcome at the wedding (which I understand a tiny bit) or not welcome to stay in a hotel room upstairs being cared for. She said it’s her day and should be all about her and not the baby and that she’d resent me and the baby if he was on the premises. She said she was happy for the baby to stay nearby in another hotel or air bnb but that costs a fortune and the closest one is the 20+ minutes drive away.I don’t think I’ve ever been so hurt or offended in my life. I don’t know what to do. My husband is a groomsman and he’s thinking of not attending the wedding now as the baby will need a parent being so young. Will the baby be okay to be apart for 1-2 days? Will I be okay with this being 4-6 weeks PP? Does anyone have any advice?

What a cow your sister is. I’d decline.

That's a really stupid thing for your sister to say NGL. At my cousin's wedding we had 3 newborns in the family (all born within three weeks of each other) and his bride was so happy that we had travelled with the babies to come for the wedding! And guess what? The bride was still the star of the wedding.

I think you should book for your mother in law to look after the baby upstairs - because your sister will have to give in on this one.
Her only other alternative is for you to miss the wedding which will mean everybody will know that she is a thoughtless, unkind, insecure woman who is jealous of people showing love and affection towards a new born baby rather than devoting 100 per cent of their attention to her.
You can reassure her that you will keep the baby out of the wedding guests’ way - so as to hopefully soothe her anxiety - but you cannot give in on this one.

Wow. Your sister is being completely unreasonable! Absolutely, completely unreasonable. You can't leave your newborn if you're breastfeeding, and the only reasonable way for your sister to handle this, if she cares about you or your child at all, is to welcome you and your newborn, at the very least in a room upstairs. How on earth would it be better for you to have to leave the actual premises to go breastfeed?

She has essentially blocked you from going. Presumably she doesn't have children as nobody who has would think this is ok.

She is a self centred cow, I'm sorry!!

You're going to have to tell her you can't go.

Being separated from your young infant will really mess with your mental health too.

stand down from moh duties, don’t apologise as she’s the one who should be sorry. I’d probably not attend the wedding full stop, as pp have said, she doesn’t get to control who stays in the hotel!

One of our friends had a 6mo at the wedding of one of our squad where we were all in the bridal party, I think at one point all of us including the bride were in the side room that had been earmarked for her to feed baby with a bottle of champagne chatting so she wasn’t alone and we took it in turns to look after baby so she could still enjoy the day/evening. And it was a child free wedding. There’s understanding and there’s being a fucking dick. Your sister is a dick.

Why did you even ask for permission for him to be upstairs. That is not up to her.

To be honest OP why are you even here?
Your sister or your child, that's a no-brainer of a choice. I'd cut her out of my life instantly.

Yep, I was thinking the same. She's too narcissistic and selfish and will be 100% focused on 'her' wedding and not the marriage.
And unhinged.
Divorced in 6 months.

Your much longed-for baby will be too young to be away from you, and your sister is a bitch. Easy decision!

I wouldn't go

I voted you are being unreasonable to even consider leaving a tiny baby for 1-2 days.

your sister is a nasty person and you shouldn’t think twice about bowing out of the wedding altogether.

How does a baby hidden away in a hotel room steal your sisters limelight? She's batshit and vile. What is wrong with these women that lose sight of common decency over a fucking wedding. She's put you in an awful position. Horrible person.

Wow! Is your sister always so self centred?! “I want this all to be about me and the baby not steal the lime light” gross!!! It’s her 6 week old baby nephew!

tell her that’s fine, it can be all about her but you won’t be there. I really don’t get people who are so self obsessed about their wedding day. Just seems really weird and needy.

This is the first of many times in your life that you’re going to have to prioritise your child. Quite frankly your sister is being cruel to both you & your new baby to seperate you both for such an extended period. Your solution of baby staying upstairs was perfect. Your sister is completely self centred. I’m all for her wedding, her rules, but this is awful. Does she actually like you? It seems not.

Imagine being so insecure you’re worried a literal baby (your own niece or nephew!!) will overshadow you at your wedding 😂I had 2 newborns at mine because their mum’s were inoorrant to me and I couldn’t have got married without them there - the babies were a dream and gave people something to talk about/coo over during the day! We didn’t have loads of children at our wedding but I wouldn’t dream of trying to separate a mum from a newborn, they just sleep all day at that age anyway!

All 3 of you need to stay home. It's bad enough that she thinks it's okay to treat a newborn this way, but after all the sadness from your pregnancy struggle, I think her behavior is vile.

Be honest about her irrationality to friends and family and I think they'll be understanding.

Your sister is being bat shit, the fact you’re even considering going in a MOH role when you might be 4-6 weeks post partum is also a bit loopy. There’s so much responsibility compared to being a standard guest. You will be exhausted, possibly still bleeding, engorged boobs from milk, with a mewling baby that doesn’t understand a clock or in anyway on a predictable schedule. But the beauty of tiny ones is they travel well, sleep a lot and everyone wants a cuddle. Also be aware that babe won’t have had any vaccinations yet.

your sister might not understand if she has no children but get your mum to have a word with her. Step down from MOH duties and say if babe can’t come with, then you can’t come either or you will pop in for the ceremony and a picture while hubby is outside with baby.

I'm another that wouldn't go. You won't want to be apart from your baby at that age, trust me.

Your baby will be fine for one night with MIL of you are ok with it. Is there an option to go the wedding and then leave early and go home? I get were your sister in coming from, a new baby will get everyone attention, new baby may cry or become unsettled. We had a no child wedding; there were no exceptions. (Mainly because it would 18 under 5’s) My cousins baby was 4 weeks old. She come the church, and for food and then left before the evening reception! If she hadn’t have come I wouldn’t have minded but sisters are different. Also your sister may mellow once baby arrives

I would be questioning how close I could remain to a sister this self-centred and narcissistic.
Not going to repeat all the excellent points made by others on here but you just cannot go to this wedding and have your baby hidden away elsewhere as if s/he is something to be ashamed of. I was the least "precious" mum when mine were little and had straightforward births and easy babies but there is just no way your sister's (horrible) plan will work.
Back out now. There will be an eruption from your sister but she has brought this on herself so take cover and ride it out. I wonder what her fiance makes of her behaviour. If he has any sense, he might be rethinking the marriage plan.
What do your parents say about it?

I think you need to bow out now. At most, you could be at the ceremony and then head off to be with baby? Your sister is being totally unreasonable.

Hmm so often what happens when someone seems that unreasonable is that the OP has been very selective in their story. My sister would have said something similar before my wedding, but the truth was that she had already made her pregnancy the centre of attention at every single event for the preceding 8 months, “overshadowing” our fathers 50th, grandparents 60th wedding anniversary, my brother being diagnosed with a life changing and life limiting illness and a beloved aunt dying. So I was not prepared to have my wedding become a side show to my sister and her baby. So I told her that it was childfree (it was) and that her baby wasn’t welcome (it wasn’t). As a result she tried to turn all our family against me (no great loss) and so my mother ans several relatives who I didn’t care about refused to attend, including my mother (result as it meant that more friends ie people I actually liked could attend and as for my mother 💁🏻). i wasn’t bothered about being centre of attention and certainly wasn’t immature or all the other insults that headed my way - it’s not selfish to want a wedding day to be about the bride and groom.
but of course I’ll be labelled selfish, immature etc etc on here.

She’s awful! I wouldn’t be attending the wedding at all.

Please call your soon to be BIL and tell him to run for his life! Your sis is the most insecure and self absorbed person I have ever heard of. That poor man should be spared. If he sees the light there won’t be any wedding so you are off the hook!

My sympathies that your sister is so horrid!