MOH for sister and newborn not allowed in wedding venue

[Elliee0810]

I am the MOH for my sister for her wedding in May. We are both very close!
After 4 miscarriages I am expecting my miracle baby 6 weeks before the wedding (if baby is overdue this could be 4 weeks).
I have asked my sister if my MIL could look after the baby upstairs in the hotel room the entire day. My sister has said in the past she wouldn’t want the baby to steal the limelight so I thought if baby is “hidden” nearby I can quickly nip up if I’m breastfeeding or if he won’t settle. My sister has absolutely said the baby is not welcome at the wedding (which I understand a tiny bit) or not welcome to stay in a hotel room upstairs being cared for. She said it’s her day and should be all about her and not the baby and that she’d resent me and the baby if he was on the premises. She said she was happy for the baby to stay nearby in another hotel or air bnb but that costs a fortune and the closest one is the 20+ minutes drive away.I don’t think I’ve ever been so hurt or offended in my life. I don’t know what to do. My husband is a groomsman and he’s thinking of not attending the wedding now as the baby will need a parent being so young. Will the baby be okay to be apart for 1-2 days? Will I be okay with this being 4-6 weeks PP? Does anyone have any advice?

I think you do know what to do…. You just know it will cause a shit storm with your self absorbed sister.

To add, an adult jealous that a tiny baby might take the attention away from them is pathetic. You’re not as close as you thought to your sister.

Wow! Who are the 3% who think the OP is being unreasonable? Is the bridezilla on here?

This. Aside from the fact you might still feel like shit yourself, I certainly would not force my child to be away from me when they are so young for an adult who is being so so very petty over a BABY. Fuck that.

Your sister is beyond selfish, not to mention childish. If I were the groom I would be running for the hills rather than marry this bitch!

If I were you OP I would be pulling out of MOH duties asap, and would not even attend the wedding. Have a lovely day with your DH and baby instead - and congratulations btw.

Your sister is an idiot. If you want to breastfeed I’d drop out anyway, I can’t imagine your dress will be feeding friendly and they often feed constantly at that stage. Does she really expect you to be separated? Has she ever met a newborn?!

She’s being very very selfish and immature. A baby stealing her limelight! A baby that young needs their mum, it’s normal and necessary. I’d be telling her if she wants you at the wedding in any capacity your MIL will be helping nearby no ifs no buts or you’re not going. Anyone in your family who disagrees is being totally unreasonable

So ok the baby is not invited to the wedding however, she has no right telling you who can and who can’t stay in a public hotel. This would be a private arrangement between you and your mother in law and has zero to do with the wedding! I’m shocked that your sister would say this. She’s already jealous of a baby.,, wow!

She doesn't want a new born baby who is her niece or nephew even being in the same building? Jesus fuck there's bridezilla and then there is your sister! Who does she think she is?

Classic example of a bride wanting a wedding and not necessarily a marriage. It’s all me me me. I give them a year. She’s selfish.

Wow. I think not allowing siblings’ children at a wedding is just precious behaviour anyway. But goodness, a tiny newborn? I just don’t think you can attend the wedding. Your sister sounds absolutely unhinged. Many congratulations on your pregnancy .

*Will the baby be okay to be apart for 1-2 days?

No. It interrupts bonding and breast feeding. It will be detrimental to both of you.

Will I be okay with this being 4-6 weeks PP?

No one can predict what will happen. The fourth trimester needs to be baby centered, not being separated because of a bat shit request from your sister.

Does anyone have any advice?

Withdraw. Your sister's demands are nuts and completely unacceptable. Don't prioritize her wedding over your infant. Your husband should withdraw to. You need to present a united family front to her that there is no way in hell you are going to be separated from your tiny baby.

And I say this as someone who is ok with child free weddings. But you do not separate an infant from their mom for a wedding.

There is something wrong with your sister to make such harsh demands.

This is absolutely outrageous, WTF is wrong with your sister? Is she usually a spoilt brat or is she just being like this about her wedding? Is she younger or older than you?

It's completely unreasonable to expect a mother to leave her 4-6 week old baby for any length of time in my opinion. I don't think I left my babies until around 3 months, and that was for 1 hour max. If you intend to breastfeed, it's just not feasible. Maybe your baby will take a bottle of expressed milk, but you'll still need to go up to your hotel room to pump at the times you would normally feed him or you'll leak/get engorged.

I'm guessing you've got to be there from the crack of dawn to do the whole getting ready together palava too as you are MOH - so she'll be expecting you to leave your baby from 08:00 until midnight?!

I'm fuming for you. Does she have any children of her own? If not, I can see how the request could come from a place of total ignorance, but the fact she won't even let the baby be upstairs out of sight of all the other guests makes me think there's something more to this. Does she hate babies/children?! Is she insanely jealous of you for having a baby? Or jealous of the baby "taking her sister away from her"? She might feel differently when he arrives and is more of a reality rather than a hypothetical scenario, and when she meets her nephew and sees you with him and how close your bond is.

If you are close like you say, surely it should be safe for you to explain why her request just isn't reasonable? Explain that if he is off site 20 minutes away you'll basically only be able to be at the wedding for 20 minutes every 2 hours or so! Factoring in the 40 minute round trip to the alternative hotel, the fact that newborns can take about 45 minutes to have a full feed and then the fact that there is sometimes only an hour's gap between feeds! If she says he can just have a bottle, you can explain not all babies take to a bottle, breast fed babies generally prefer the breast in my experience. I couldn't get any of my babies to take a bottle. If she doesn't get it, and it was me, then I wouldn't be going. I've missed a few friends weddings because they didn't allow babies or they were evening only which was impossible with my first who would wake every 45 mins and look for the boob to get back to sleep.

I'm sorry OP, I bet this is putting a downer on what is otherwise an incredibly exciting time for you. Weddings/hen dos are just impractical events when you have a baby!

She can’t demand the baby is totally off the premises, how callous

Honestly any woman who came out with a statement like " I would resent you both" whilst referring to a 4 week old baby wouldnt be considered safe to be anywhere near my child at any age. I would walk away from her and the whole event without looking back. But I daresay she has become emboldened and enabled by past subdued reactions to her behaviour?

She is a child protection concern never mind a batshit selfish bitch

I wouldn't be in contact with anyone who tried to separate me from my newborn.

What an awful woman, not a chance would I speak to her again.

You'll be in floods of tears and your boobs will be spraying milk everywhere if you're breadtfeeding- probably steal the limelight more than a tiny baby.

As others have already said, it’s very unlikely that her plan for the baby to be at a different hotel twenty minutes away would be possible. Being charitable and assuming the bridal couple don’t have children and don’t understand what it’s like having a newborn baby: do you the two of you have parents still alive/ in contact who could speak to her and explain that if she follows through she’s effectively choosing for you not to attend? If not any aunts, uncles, cousins etc who might intervene? If your husband is an usher does he know anyone on the groom’s side who already has children who could have a word with the groom about what it’s like to have a newborn baby?

Say to your sister its a no brainer and you're not leaving your little one so you'll not be there at all
If she's turning bridezilla over your baby it just shows how truly nasty mean minded and vindictive she really is
Oddly enough she may also be jealous, you've a caring husband and now a baby whereas she's yet to get both those things, you've achieved where she'd like to be
Your husbands right don't bother going just have a lovely family day; the three of you

Just came here to ask the same!

OP BF mothers of 4-6 week
old babies, can’t be that far apart !

Very few mothers find themselves able to leave a 4-6 week old. You will have a horrible day and every time you’re having a slightly hard time with your little one, you will be worrying about the impact this day had.

Your job postpartum is to recover and take care of your baby. You are their food, comfort, all they will know in the world! My baby is 13 weeks now and I haven’t been away from her longer than to pee. My husband has to hold her on the other side of the glass while I shower. She is terrified to be without me because I am all she has known. I could not leave her twenty+ minutes away.

Also, your sister is being a massive b. Fair enough no baby at the ceremony, but no baby in the hotel full stop? Outrageously selfish and controlling behaviour. Have your parents weighed in?

What were you planning to do about feeding? If you were planning to exclusively breastfeed, do not let your sister’s insecurities change that plan.

edit: sorry, I’m one of the idiots that voted yabu because I thought it was unreasonable to even consider this.

She said that she would resent you and the baby?! She mustn't feel as close to you as you feel to her, she sounds really horrible.

So scared a baby will steal her thunder that she wont even let them be upstairs? Tell her to find another MOH.

Realistically, with the baby being 6 weeks you’re either going to miss half the wedding or be in tears (and ruin your make up ) at having to madly keep rushing back and forth from your tiny baby. Feeding the a 6 week old can take 45mins including winding and settling. And it’ll be every 3 hours at the least. How’s that going to work around speech and cake and photo and MOH duties? You could maybe make this work if you had MIL upstairs and it was a normal wedding, but realistically you’re not going to be able to be in the wedding as well as mother your tiny baby, and you’re likely to get very upset trying.

I can’t quite believe what I’m reading. It is beyond ridiculous to say he can’t be in the building! How cruel and selfish of her. I’m surprised you’re close tbh. She sounds dreadful!

Your sister 100% would not do this when she has a child , give her an ultimatum . Spoil her wedding so be it .