To think a guest shouldn't take over the party?

[OnePoisedLilacEagle]

DD (4) had a birthday party a few weeks back. Small-ish thing, about 10 children, mostly nursery friends. One of the mums (who I get on with fine, nothing dramatic) started to “help” which I thought was nice at first. But then she kind of took over?

She rearranged the food I’d put out (“they’ll never eat it like that”), told the kids when they could do the presentd (I’d said after cake, she decided at the very end) and repeatedly corrected DD in front of everyone (“no, darling, that’s not how we say thank you”).

She also asked another child not to run in my house and told them off for spilling juice before I could even get there.

I was a bit taken aback but didn’t say anything at the time because party, kids, noise, didn’t want to make it awkward.

Afterwards DH said I was being oversensitive and that she was “just helping” and probably thought I was overwhelmed. But I can’t shake the feeling that if I’d done that in someone else’s house I’d be mortified.

I mentioned it casually to a friend and she said some parents just have “strong hosting instincts” and I should let it go. The offending mum is a very alpha mum, Amandaland vibes really and the whole thing felt very psychological warfare-ish.

AIBU to feel a bit undermined and that she was incredibly rude? Or is this one of those things where you smile, say thanks and move on?

The post that's been deleted was written by a previously banned poster who repeatedly signs up to Mumsnet using new usernames. The post said something along the lines of 'This happened weeks ago yet you're still thinking about it? It must have really bothered you'. Said poster is now posting as HellothereCK, and in retaliation for calling them out is responding to all of my posts on various threads 😂 pathetic.

If she ever comes again just use your best condescending tone to correct her or address the children directly and dismiss her.
"Thanks Amanda, I'll take it from here" "Don't you worry Toby, I know you didn't spill it on purpose, let's get you another drink"

Does she work with kids. As a teacher every children's party brought out the teacher in me. Or maybe she hosted /been to lots of kids parties and just has more experience. You're overthinking it

I think im a bit like this mum, I do try & help at gatherings as I know how stressful it can be but I always ask number 1. If they need help and 2. If so what would you like me to do? I wouldn’t start rearranging things or telling children off, unless they were my own or I’m familiar with the parents.

It’s over now and if your DD had a good time that’s all that matters. If you do another one next year just gently remind parents they’re also there to relax so not to worry about helping out?

It is rude!

Next time you know what to expect with her.

You’re not being unreasonable to feel the way you do, but you were being unreasonable for not taking her to one side and telling her that she should “relax because I’m organising things at this party” and then moaning about it. You should have nipped it in the bud.

She sounds awful! If she genuinely wanted to help, she would have been helping tidying up/asking what you need help with. She sounds like she wanted to run the show just so she could show she could and tell everyone she did. And I really don’t like the repeated correcting of your DD, in your house, at her own birthday party. WTF 😳

What's with all the deletions? Did the other mother find the thread?

I get it when you feel stunned into silence OP. Be ready for her next time.

Opening presents during a party is pretty unusual. Maybe she was just trying to limit the damage by shifting it to the very end of the party.

its assertive to go into someones homes (who you know very casually) and rearrange foods, dictate the schedule of events, correct other peoples children for minor or nonexistent infractions?

LOLOLOLOL thats not assertive thats being a bitch

That’s nothing, I took my daughter to a party once where a mum who sounds similar decided to give a demonstration on how the host should dust behind the TV properly

I've obviously never met the woman but I was thinking the same thing. She was probably trying to find something to do amongst the chaos. I hate parties in people's houses. Louder and more overstimulating but give me a soft play party any day.

Correcting her over the crisp situation is ridiculous. She said thanks and she didn’t like it - totally fine and nothing bad mannered in this whatsoever. Regardless she is 4, so her saying thanks at all is good manners as many don’t.

The present one I get (although she she have stayed quiet and not interfered). A house of 10 little kids, watching her open her gifts before they’d end? Won’t end well! They’ll all want to play and get grabby. Your daughter likely wouldn’t want to share her new toys so they all get upset? The end is best so they can make a swift exit.

Intrigued by how you had laid food out that required her to reorganise it?! Don’t think I can even imagine how you can pay party food out wrong?!

That's hilarious. I hope she organised the clearing up as well. If she does it next year hand her the hoover and tell her to run over the carpets quickly.

if your DD said 'thank you, I don't like it very much' you would have corrected her? why? did you read the post properly?

Have you read the thread properly? I’ve acknowledged I got mistaken between crisps and gifts

Because it’s very hard to do so without coming across as the rude one yourself. Getting the exact wording and tone right is a particular skill that not everyone has (it’s especially hard not to sound annoyed if you are a bit annoyed).

What’s rude if you say to someone that you’ll do the presents when you intended to at the party that YOU are hosting? Or to say you’d prefer the food to be on the table how you intended them to be?
I just don’t get it.
You don’t have to be rude. Just don’t be a doormat that goes along with it and then moans afterwards!
It’s called communication. Something that clearly seems lacking with some people!

When did all this stopping at children's parties start? When ours were 3 plus it was drop off only then you went back after 2 hours to collect your sugar filled monsters.

I think it’s actually her that felt flustered and she projected that onto you.

I’m a forthright person and it never baffles me when someone doesn’t say or do something at the time as it can be difficult to know how to approach it and often, for various reasons, the person on the end of it is at some kind of disadvantage and doesn’t feel able. Saying that, there’s no second time.