To take away phones on sleepover

[gowednesday]

10 year old dsd, hosting first school friend sleepover next weekend.

is it unreasonable to say no phones or that we’ll look after them and they can ask to use them?

That’s one way to make sure your kid never has another sleepover !
of course you can’t take their phones… it’s part of their night , socialising and chatting to their mates online whilst together at your house .

Of course you can’t!

I always used to speak to the parents of any sleepover friends and explain that we leave all phones downstairs at night, but that if their child wanted to speak to them, I would get the phone straight away.

No parent ever objected, and no child ever asked to ring their parent.

At 10 yes definitely

If I let my child take their phone it’s so she can contact me. You take it away I take her away. For me it’s for her safety.

edit.

Leaving downstairs but accessible if she needed it would be fine but not a taken away away.

I absolutely would. It's a recipe for mischief. You would need to discuss with the other parents first mind to ensure they agree

At 10? Surely they can chat and socialise with their mates that are actually together at our house

I can understand your thinking, but my dd would be devastated if someone took her phone at a sleepover. She gets mildly homesick and wants to be able to get in touch with me when she wants in the night. I was just the same at her age and missed out on many social events because I didn’t like being away from my home. I’m glad she gets to
go to events with some reassurance, it is helping her confidence.

Am assuming some will be 9 who are coming? Definitely no phones

This.

Well 10 year olds shouldn't even have phone IMO. I don't think you can take them but you could say that they are not allowed upstairs at night. Id let them and their parents know too beforehand.

If you have explained to the girls and parents beforehand and they’re aware, go for it. But if it’s a spur of the moment thing, you may want to consider consequences of doing it.

I can't think of a non sinister reason for taking a phone away from a child who isn't yours tbh

Do they all have phones? At 10! wow

of course YANBU, your house your rules. Or do you want them to watch youtube and tiktok all night?
tell the parents before they arrive.

Yanbu. My 10 year old doesn't have a phone yet and her friends don't either. I definitely wouldn't want them using them alone at night.

Ha ha, of course you can’t.

If you feel you have to take them away eventually (like when they really need to go to sleep) then you need to discuss with the parents first.

No way. Friends children have been subjected to horrible online abuse during sleepovers - where a child was filmed sleeping and the photo posted in a whole year WhatsApp with disparaging comments. So absolutely no way would any child be having a phone at a sleepover in my house.

But then I am shocked a 10 year old has a phone - I say this as a parent of a 19 and 13 year old.

I agree with this

I also know of an 8 year old who is in therapy because he was shown videos of animals being killed on youtube.

Let the parents know.
If they have an issue then agree that they collect their child before they go to bed.

This is batshit

No it bloody isn't. If you can't have a kid with a phone in the house they cannot stay over. Taking a child's communication device away from them when their parent gave it to them is creepy as hell

I removed phones at an age appropriate time up until about age 15. No one complained. They all survived.

All the parents had my phone number and were welcome to get in touch any time.

My dd is 10, has a phone for walking to school. It is locked down at all other times.
We don't allow any devices for sleepovers apart from the tv, which we don't allow access to Internet/YouTube on (so only Netflix kids etc.) TV also goes off at 11.

The whole point of sleepovers is to socialise and you're also responsible for other children. If they get onto some weird website because you weren't completely on top of the parental controls on all their devices then it's on you as the adult.

This is mainly after my dd went to a friend's for a sleepover and the elder sister let them Google all sorts on their phone. She told me they'd seen vaginas etc. I don't think it was porn, more medical images on Google but I was so annoyed with the parents (particularly as they both work in child protection roles!) and she's never been back.

In primary school, absolutely yes, I took them away when I went to bed. At 10, they don’t need to be on their bloody phones all night. Frankly, at 10, mine didn’t have phones, but I’d be happy if the other parent took them away.

The one parent who didn’t take phones away set my child up with a bloody TikTok account while she was at a sleepover. Yes, the parent. They worked out how to get around the parent controls, download TikTok and dd came home with the mum and dd as her only followers. Of course, same mum also gave her a cider at 11 at a sleepover. Needless to say, we no longer have sleepovers with this friend.

My house, my rules. We don’t allow phones after bedtime. Mine is a teen now and it’s different. But at 10/11, nope no phones overnight. Them is the rules.