To take away phones on sleepover

[gowednesday]

10 year old dsd, hosting first school friend sleepover next weekend.

is it unreasonable to say no phones or that we’ll look after them and they can ask to use them?

Really? You can’t think of any dangers of a group of 10 year old girls having unlimited access to smartphones through the night or a parent wanting to protect them from that?

Yes - I did when ds was 10 and had sleepovers . But discussed with parents in advance - all guests’ parents were delighted and all suported no phones in bedroom overnight. I was very clear that if they needed to talk to their parents they could wake me up any time or creep down to the kitchen to use their phone charging there. And I didn’t take them away too early either and gave lots of warning

I think it's a bad idea to stop the dc from being able to contact their parents.

At the very least, you need to let everyone know in advance you plan to do this. I wouldn't have my dc at a sleepover if she couldn't ask me to come get her if something made her uncomfortable.

Oh gosh. Is there only the two?

We had a somewhat 'unkind' experience with a group of 10 year olds (6 of them) . One of the more 'worldly wise' amongst them took photos/ videos of their 'friends' sleeping (so snoring etc) and then shared them with other kids at the school. There was hell on.

It put my DC off sleepovers with friends until they were much older (trust issues!). They were okay going on group events with the school/brownies/guides The child who took/shared the photos was strongly admonished quite strongly by their peers, the adult hosts of the sleepover, the DC parents and their own parents and I don't believe was invited to a sleepover again.

At another sleep over we also had a scenario where one of the sleepover guests wrang their parents to come and pick them up at some godforsaken hour in the early morning and the first the host knew of it was frantic door bell ringing before dawn.

I'd lay down some rules though - eg no phone use after midnight, if they needed to contact their parents they need to wake you.

Try and tire them out so that they aren't Wake half the night.

I dont see why they needed to be taken away, put in their bag and asked not to use it unless necessary, it is their property you can ask and remind to please not use if they use it alot but no one should have thr right to remove it

A child in my son’s class was shown graphic images of animal sexual abuse at the age of 11 while at at a sleep over. He has not yet recovered 2 years later. It is a matter of huge regret to his parents and the parents who hosted the sleepover.

The DC can just wake the adults if they really need to.

If the child or parents don't trust the hosting adult then don't let the child attend in the first place.

I would because my dd doesn’t have unmonitored access to the internet. I wouldn’t even let them have phones out of the main communal area. I would make this clear before hand.

I would absolutely do this, but then I think 10 is far too young to have a phone anyway. Mine are a year younger and certainly won’t be getting a phone in a year.

Phones are not simply communication devices, they’re social media, cameras, the whole of the internet.

Our house rule is that internet enabled devices are not allowed in children’s bedrooms. I would make it clear to the other parents in advance that we have this rule and that it applies to their children. Phones stay out of the bedroom, if they want to contact their parent they can ask me or they can go downstairs to use their phone.

Of course they shouldn't have their phones. They shouldn't own phones.

I wouldn't give a ten year old a phone

I don't think 16 year olds should have them

But if I tried to take a ten year old's phone away I'd expect her parent to report me to the police tbh

mine are slightly younger at 9 and don’t have phones. However they have had friends come round with a phone and tablet and I’ve told them to put it away. They’re here to play, not to sit on tech. It really gets on my goat.

they can let me know if they need to ring their parents. I don’t understand why we’re allowing kids to grow up in a world where they think having immediate access is ok. They are at a friends house where, presumably, parents are happy for them to be. If there’s an issue, then they go to the parent.

No phones here till high school...
And no phones upstairs.

I'd be telling the parents in advance phones will be in kitchen overnight, don't come if you dont like it.

If you are friendly with the parents then I would just mention it when finalising arrangements: ‘Just to say that we don’t allow smartphones upstairs at nighttime in our house when it’s hard to supervise. Is it okay if any phones are left downstairs for the evening and overnight? Obviously if X needs to contact you she can do so at any time!’

I would have no problem with this as a parent.

My child wouldn’t be staying in your home if I knew you were planning to take away her means of contacting me. And I’d be bloody livid if you did it without telling me.

Parent your own child, not other people’s.

Yeah, mine had adhd. She would send me little anxious messages on sleepovers.

This.
My daughter who is 13 had friends for a sleepover last week and I requested no phones.

My house my rules. One parent fully supported. One parent initially reticent but she and her daughter came round to the idea. The suggestion that the child needed to call her parent in an emergency from her phone without my knowledge would not sit well with me.

We had a great evening and I will repeat next time. I don't want phones disturbing sleep and fun times.

You are being totally reasonable. My ten year old and his group of friends don’t have phones thankfully. You can’t have ten year olds with unsupervised internet access at a sleepover. Who knows what parental controls or protections other children have on their phones (if any!) They should be socialising with each other anyway.

And I would absolutely not leave 10yos with smartphones unsupervised upstairs overnight. That’s far too young to be exposed to some of the stuff that’s so easy to find on there and you’ve no idea what parental controls have been set up, if it all.

Fair enough if those kid are allowed to do it at home, but they won’t be doing it around my children in my home when I am the responsible adult. If they have a dumb phone that can only call and text their parents or something, then that’s different,

@sprigatito
I presume at 10 years old your child would not be staying overnight with people you don’t know or trust?

We said ‘no phones allowed, thanks’.
Parents were aware of how to contact us, obv, and DC explicitly told to let all know they could tell them if they wanted to ring their parents (if too shy to ask us directly). If they had an issue with no phones they were free to make their excuses and not accept invitation. As it turns out, all still said yes (I suspect one particular person considered it long and hard) and it was a great time, they still managed to stay up until after midnight chatting and laughing .

I feel it would’ve been harder, or felt weirder, allowing them to bring phones then removing them - even with prior agreement. A simple all or nothing situation just suited us best and avoided any doubt.

I don’t like phones at sleepovers at that age tbh and I don’t let my DD take hers if she’s invited, her phone is locked from 8.30pm anyway.

I don’t think you can dictate what someone else’s child does though. Her parents might want her to have her phone with her in case she needs to contact them

I have a child who is hugely anxious (has an EHCP due to her anxiety condition) and would want her to have her phone.

What i would do is tell the parents that their kids are not to bring phones rather than taking them away.

Although I've just reread the age and my child is unlikely to have a phone at age 10!