To take away phones on sleepover

[gowednesday]

10 year old dsd, hosting first school friend sleepover next weekend.

is it unreasonable to say no phones or that we’ll look after them and they can ask to use them?

10 year olds don't need a phone and even if they do have one they don't need it in the night so I don't think you are unreasonable at all

17, 3.5 and 1. Two youngest don’t have phones, obviously. And 17 year old didn’t have a phone until he was 12 FWIW

In the same way your child would probably not be invited again if they spent their time at a sleepover glued to their phone (at 10yo!) or showed other children social media, or worse on their phone.

These replies are weird. Of course they can't have their phones in their rooms at night. If they need to phone their parents they can come and ask you.

At age 10 (Y6) my daughter’s phone was all locked down with parental controls so I had no worries about her having hers on a sleepover. Shame the other girl’s parents hadn’t done the same..it took my DD four years to confess to me that she’d been shown hardcore porn that night. The other two girls had laughed but DD was deeply traumatised & carried that shame, confusion & repulsion for 4 years. I felt awful & still do. It’s not like finding your dad’s copy of playboy age 10 in the nineties.
I’d at least check with your guests’ parents if they have content filters installed - use my story so not to look too judgey.

Edited to add…this happened during daylight hours whilst the mum was in the kitchen.

Timely article in the news today too:
It destroyed me — one view of a suicide video at school gave me PTSD

https://www.thetimes.com/article/5d3f9955-7b32-4aff-8d5d-fe67ebc03daa?shareToken=f254add63c05d81e5ebfe2b50b4a34c1

My 10 year old wouldn’t have a phone or a tablet, but if they did I wouldn’t think it appropriate for a parent to confiscate it from them if they were over!

My child didn’t have a phone when he was 10 so try again

My DD is 11 and I would not allow phones upstairs on a sleepover. Zero chance. Especially at that age. Think of what can go wrong from a safeguarding perspective - from photos taken and shared of other children sleeping or getting changed to unsupervised and unfiltered access to the worst dregs of the internet (how sure are you about the parental controls every child has on their device. How would you explain to a fellow parent that their child watched porn in your house because a friend brought a phone upstairs with no controls and you didn’t feel you could say anything or police it in case their mum got narky with you.)

Just say to the children and parents in a matter of fact way that you are a phones downstairs household and they can keep their phones in the kitchen and if they need to send a message to a parent they can obviously come and do so, but the phones are staying downstairs.

My experience from those kids in my DD’s class who have phones completely confirms that 10 year olds having phones is a massive risk because they are far too immature to handle them - think topless pictures being sent as a joke, YouTube videos being posted giving away far too much identifiable information etc etc. DD does not have a phone and we do not allow devices outside communal areas at play dates and sleepovers. If any parent wants to not let their child come to a sleepover or play date at ours they can make that choice, but my priority is to safeguard children in my house.

I would let them have them all evening until lights out or there'll be zero sleep had. It's also nice for them to have a good chat together without the need for screens

Seriously? Phones at 10?!!

What junior school child needs a phone?

If a child is this anxious /the host family are so unknown, they shouldn't be going there for a sleepover. I wouldn't let mine sleepover somewhere if they hadn't been several times before during the day and felt comfortable.

@blankcanvas3
So it’s a moot point?
Your child wouldn’t have a phone at 10..

I can!! No way would I have a child in my house showing my child appalling stuff on a phone that they should not have at that age.

Give ten year old lads mobile phones? Don’t be surprised at what they’ll look at it. And I’m not naive enough to assume that girls wouldn’t look at appalling stuff either.

Hypothetically, if they did, I wouldnt expect a complete confiscation of the phone. Away for the night, sure, but not no access to it whatsoever

Definitely no phones. Let everyone know beforehand so that they can back out if they don't like it.

This absolutley scares me to death. OP you are being VERY reasonable. Just tell parents phones get kept downstairs overnight and you will give instant access to any kid who wants to ring home.

I agree with some other posters though, I don't think 10 year olds should have unlimited access to phones. I have a few years before sleep overs though so not been there yet. 😬

Wow this thread is quite disturbing to me! One, it’s alarming how many 10yr olds seem to have phones, two, even worse is how many parents seem oblivious to the risks. Giving them unsupervised access to the internet, means giving the internet unsupervised access to your kid. How can some of you be defending this so strongly? We need legislation change on this, quickly, people seem woefully unaware.

Same. I am half convinced they are throlls/ bots… Surely parents know better!

This thread shows how pathetic parents have become. 10 year olds with phones in bedrooms because “hahahaha of course you can’t keep their phone downstairs”.

They are fucking 10. Parent them ffs

Jesus in the future just don’t allow sleepovers if my child came to a friends house for a sleepover and they took her phone off her 1. So I couldn’t talk to my own child and 2 because it isn’t your property to take. I’d be right there and she’d never be staying again. Have you lost your mind.

You can take them and leave them accessible in the kitchen so that they can contact parents but have to make the effort to do so. I’d notify parents that this is what you intend to do.

I do think the tide is turning and it is happening fast. When my older DD was younger (like year 2 or 3) every single child in Year 6 in her school had a phone. She is now in Year 6 and the majority of children do not have a smartphone. The school has now announced that no smartphones will be allowed on the premises (previously they were allowed but had to be handed in, but there were issues with Year 6s showing each other and younger kids inappropriate content in the playground before school so they moved to a blanket ban). There has been little pushback against the ban. I reckon a high proportion of her year will get a brick phone for secondary.

In another few years I think giving a primary school age kid a smartphone will be looked on like putting them behind the wheel of a car.

YANBU, I'm astonished that any parent would let guest children have a phone with no adults around to supervise. You might have parental controls of your child's phone, but the guest child could show them literally anything. One might as well leave the front door wide open while you're at it and let anyone wander in off the street and join the girls' sleepover!

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DO_7TzvEkzO/?igsh=MWF0dmhjY2s3OHIxYQ==

https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2025/nov/28/one-in-10-uk-parents-say-child-blackmailed-online-sextortion-nspcc-finds www.theguardian.com/technology/2025/nov/28/one-in-10-uk-parents-say-child-blackmailed-online-sextortion-nspcc-finds]]]]

Also “it’s the child’s property so you have no right to take it” is a pathetic argument. Suppose a child turned up to a sleepover with a knife? Or a packet of fireworks? Would you then think OP should say “oh dear, I can’t possibly set any rules around having this in my house, it belongs to them.” You are the adult and it is your house, you decide what is safe snd appropriate.